Mama of Two

"I wanted you more than you will ever know,
so I sent love to follow wherever you go."

- from "Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You" by Nancy Tillman

Please forgive my absense. I have neglected my beloved blog, and I feel badly about it. We welcomed our son, Wee home from S. Korea on December 21. His arrival was about two months earlier than anticipated. It was the best Christmas of my life.

He is a happy little boy, 19 months old. Brother Min is very happy to finally have his play mate.

What an amazing and wonderful experience. I get to be the mother of two wonderful little boys. Seeing them together whether it be in the back seat or playing with toys, I still feel a bit of shock. My eyes well up at least once a day.

I have so many thoughts to convey but find myself at a loss as how to articulate them. My emotions are all over the place.
I simply cannot believe how lucky we are. It took us 8 years to get here, but we are now a family of 4 with our baby dog Lucy.

When my mind has time to clear a bit, and my emotions find their pocket place, I will share with everyone our amazing journey to Wee, and what it feels like to have him home.



*picture is of Me and Min waiting for baby brother to get off plane.

Sharing Testimonials

As we celebrate three years since inception and two years of giving out grants, here are some testimonials and statements from those with adoption and infertility experience.

Thank you for all the kinds words. We wouldn't be here without all the support.

Sincerely,
Erica and AJ Schlaefer ,founders and the board of directors


"Dear Parenthood for Me,
We just celebrated our son's 1st birthday. We now live in the light where we were once surrounded by darkness. Your generosity helped to allow that change for us. After so much loss and pain, we feel that we have now emerged on the other side." -Nancy, 2010 grantee

"Parenthood for Me helped me to understand that we are not alone in our struggle and to really believe that we would have the family we were meant to have, however it happened. The information I received and stories shared helped give me the strength to move forward with our plan. And today we are expecting twin boys! To me, Parenthood For Me's efforts at spreading information and providing support is invaluable."– Lindsay G.

Thank you Erica, you have helped me in many ways that others haven’t been able to. Your blog and organization have been a gift. The biggest gift you have given to me is that some day when my daughter asks why your words will help us explain to her what we went thou to have her. "– Kara F.

"I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that it’s a shame that my family planning has everything to do with how much money I have instead of how much love I have to share. Parenthood for Me is one of only a handful of organizations that recognize and help families like mine with the burden of these costs." - Lisa, adoptive mother

"We also had infertility "issues" but did not let that stop us from becoming a family. And thanks to organizations like yours, we did and could not be happier. The day we meet our son was the most incredible day of our lives, just to be able to hold him, touch him, and even smell him was something that words cannot describe. We are truly grateful to Parenthood for Me for helping us bring Liam home. Now we can call ourselves a FAMILY!"- Holt and Shirley, 2010 grantee

"You just never know what can happen in your life. I never imagined that I would struggle with and suffer from infertility. My husband Jeff and I were one of the lucky couples to receive the 2011 grant. We were ready to give up and call it a day as we had done everything we could do on our own. This grant will definitely help us with our next treatment." – Jeff and Judy, 2011 grantee

“After 5 years of waiting our baby is finally on his/her way. We are living on a cloud. We are grateful to you for giving us financial help we needed to achieve this pregnancy.” – Marybeth and Daniel C.

“I applaud your efforts for bringing attention to the sometimes bumpy and frustrating path to parenthood...adoption is a tremendous gift and blessing and this blog could help to unite waiting children with their forever families. My heart goes out to everyone struggling with infertility issues or indecision about adoption....we have been twice blessed through adoption and words cannot begin to describe how grateful we are for our miracles each & every day! -Lisa


“What a wonderful thing you are doing, it will be a blessing to all you help. As a couple that would love to have another child but the money is holding us back as we still sit on the loan from our first adoption, it is encouraging to see people like you that are stepping out to help! - Ashley Jene

”I am so happy that you are creating this non-profit. My husband and I can't afford the infertility treatments. We would need in vitro due to his infertility and insurance does not cover it. Adoption is not an option also because of financial reasons. Good luck with your venture! “-Tracy

"I think your heart is in the right place and what you are doing is beautiful.” -Kara B.


"Congratulations on 3 years of changing history for a number of families."- Lori

"Congratulations on 3 years! I'm so impressed you took something painful in your own life and made it into something amazing!" – Alex

"Erica,

It breaks my heart that anyone should ever have to go through such a painful experience. This is beautifully written. It both comforts those who have been through similar experiences and educates those who have not. The fact that you went through this potentially soul-shattering experience to move forward to helping others going through similar experiences demonstrates your strength and courage.Thank you for sharing your story." – Jeanne

"You really captured many of the truths of the adoptive journey. It’s such an all-encompassing emotional time.....a journey with both highs & lows....agony and god willing, unabashed joy at the end. Thank you for giving a voice to ALL parents."- Lisa

“I'm sitting in a flood of tears as I read your post. It is so incredibly moving and you opened by eyes to a lot of things I had not considered before. I want to say congratulations to you on your beautiful family.” – Claire

"Thank you for taking your experiences and educating people about adoption. At this point I don't know what is down the road for me, but it sure helps me to better understand how to support friends who have adopted. Very helpful - thank you."- Stacey

"What a lovely post! I appreciated your description of the ways you find joy in mundane parenting tasks (ex. picking up toys or buying diapers), because you are glad to have to do the task. Sometimes I get hung-up on my secondary infertility...I need to remember never to lose sight of my sweet 4-year-old, even when I'm longing for her to have a sibling. Thanks for the great reminder.” – Alana

“I have never been moved to tears by a post or anything else. I was today and I could never have put my feelings into words like you did. You described how I feel exactly." –Nina

“I tend to be an optimist in life, and believe that struggle and pain help us appreciate all of our blessings. I thank God for infertility because without it I wouldn’t have my son, nor would I have the same perspective on life and just how sweet the words “love you dada” sound.” – Jerry, adoptive dad

“The decision to adopt is a HUGE one. It took us years to come to that decision. Because in making that decision you are also saying to yourself, it's ok if we don't have a biological child. And in doing that you are grieving that child you never had that would have had your eyes and his nose. It's a lot to take in.” – Alicia

“At first my husband and I had to cope with the unimaginable loss of our first born son dying hours after birth. We coped, we drank, we hit punching bags, cried, wrote - everything and anything we could do to deal with the grief we carried in our hearts.
Then came the infertility whammy. The stress of the double whammy has hit us. We have to work harder at our relationship than ever before. It is easier to slip into our own survival modes, unintentionally leaving the other alone. But we cope, and we reach out and take notice if our relationship begins to drift away from center. It takes work but it is worth it.” – Amy

3 Years

Three years ago I had an idea. What if AJ and I could do something to help others? What if we told our story to the world and showed people the hardship of infertility? What if speaking out eased others pain?

At a small gathering of friends I stated I started a non-profit and showed my first business card. The name came to me after searching a few other possibilities that were already taken. The original logo was drawn in purple crayon and scanned.

Letters went out to people in my life who may want to join a board of directors for a tiny charity with big ideas. Most people accepted.

This blog was initiated and I searched all over the Internet for ways to connect and spread the word. I found Stirrup-Queens. With that I found my community.

The community has spread enormously and so much has transpired.

Three years.

Yesterday our board received updates of grantees from 2010. I was able to read stories and see pictures of the families we helped create. Unbelievable.

Our foundation has reached many milestones. We are learning as we go. We have had so much help and guidance from talented individuals willing to donate their time and expertise. As a collective unite we have enjoyed many wonderful moments and successes. Even though there is so much work to be done, we relish in the testimonial statements, the daily requests for help, and knowing that we can make a difference.

PFM thanks everyone who has donated, shared our website, blog links, bought merchandise, and believe in our mission.

2012 has many wonderful things in store.

"I heard your dreams came true."

This is a line from a song that popped out at me today.

I hope all of your dreams come true.

Get To Know

Get to know Barbara Caparell. Founder of the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund, Inc.


Q: How did you start The Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund?

A: Unfortunately, my husband, Jim passed away unexpectedly just 6 months after we came home from China with our second daughter. Jim was a loving, involved and committed stay-at-home Dad who embraced fatherhood. After his death some of our dear friends from our adoption travel group approached me with the idea to start a non-profit organization to honor Jim and his generous and giving spirit. The Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund was established in 2008 to assist adoptive families with their financial, educational, health and catastrophic needs and to raise awareness of transracial adoption by celebrating and promoting the diverse cultural identity of the children it seeks to support.


Q: What do you hope to accomplish with the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund?

A: We started Jim's organization to be able to help families that have been created by adoption that are not able to provide for some of their own needs. In 2009 we were able to provide an adoptive family of a Mom and her 2 children with the financial support she needed to buy groceries, gas and clothes during a particularly difficult period for the family. We also hope to be able to help educate people by enlightening and informing them about adoption. We are currently working at funding a lending resource library for a Massachusetts adoption agency and working with local libraries to create positive and informative adoption sections in those libraries. Additionally, we wanted to instill in our "collective children and youth" a spirit of giving like Jim's by showing them what generosity, kindness and hope can provide. We aspire to continue to be able to do all of this for years to come.


Q: What do you do to raise funds?

A: Our main fundraiser each year is a Moon Festival Celebration which is a celebration of family reunion and is the second largest holiday in China. The Chinese people believe that the phases of the Moon represent the changes in life- --joy and sorrow, parting and reunion and when the Moon is full and round it is the perfect time for connection. Legend says that even for those families that cannot be together on that day that when they watch the full moon at the same time it is like they are side by side. Families get together on that day for fun activities and traditional food. We believe that the Moon Festival is the perfect event to symbolize what Jim was all about---togetherness, giving, understanding, and the love of his children's culture.

Q: When is the Moon Festival Celebration scheduled for this year?

A: The Moon Festival is scheduled for Sunday, October 9, 2011 and will be held at the East Bridgewater Commercial Center in Massachusetts from Noon to 4:00pm. We have a dance performance by Dance Revelasian of Boston, a music performance by the Perry Family Band, a traditional Chinese paper folding workshop, a silent auction, and raffles. There are also lots of fun activities for the kids like face painting, balloon sculpting and moon walks. You can get more information about the Moon Festival and the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund at www.jimmulhern.org. Tickets are still available for purchase on our website.

For more information please visit their website: http://www.jimmulhern.org/

Filling Up the Glass

There are times when I look back at all I have written and all I have thought and said and think, is not giving birth to a biological child really all that bad?

Yes, I will never see a life created by my husband and I. What would he or she look like? What traits would he or she possess from us or our relatives?

Yes, I will never know what it is like to be pregnant. I am a woman. A woman who wants to get pregnant. It does still seem odd that getting pregnant cannot happen for me. C'mon. I have all the parts and they even work, I think. No pregnancy?

But I am a mother. I have a son who is absolutely amazing. Every day I am in awe.

I have another son who lives far away but will be in his home soon enough. He will be a little brother, son, grandchild, great grandchild, cousin, nephew, and friend to so many people.

Again our home will be filled with a baby boy.

But then I pause and remember that the journey through infertility is full of pain. There are most definitely highs and lows. There are moments filled with hope and pure dread. But the desire to have a family is strong- in your bones strong. We push on and keep on keepin' on.

I recently had a conversation with someone who revealed to me the power of the human mind and how positive thinking can alter many outcomes. I have heard this before and tried to practice positive thinking when all I wanted to do was wallow. But for some reason this time I really believed that my own thoughts reflect on my successes and failures in life. I have come to a new phase in my journey. I have healed in so many ways. My scars are no where near as visible and at this point I am more open minded about lack of pregnancy.

What I realized is that I need to dream. I need to think about everything I do and how I can drive my own success and happiness. And I have to be okay with the outcome.

If I am okay with the outcome, and I am grateful for everything that is positive, then I will lead a happy life.

Today is about the present. And I have decided to stop looking back at all the difficult times leading up to becoming a parent. Reflection on hard times is a necessity. We must not forget any part of our life because of how it has shaped us. But I have decided to really try and reflect on wonderful things that have transpired since infertility became a part of my life.

I will still have my days of sadness. I will continue to wonder why having a family is so easy for others and yet the biggest hurdle many others will ever face. But maybe, just maybe this is a step for me in the direction of letting go. Releasing some of the pent up pain that has not allowed me to move on.



*image provided by google images