Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Realities of Adoption

Adoption is a wonderful thing but its origins often stem from hard ship. It is a complex situation of life changing circumstances Most times everyone involved including the birth parents, the adoptive parents, and the children have suffered some sort of loss. That is a reality of adoption.

The birth parent(s) had to make an excruciating decision to give their child a better life. It should be considered a very courageous choice that did not come easily. Birth parents do not forget about the child they gave up for adoption. Many people cannot fathom how a parent can give up their child- there are many reasons that we may not understand in our culture. For example there is still a strong social stigma for unwed mothers in many countries, poverty, ill parents that cannot provide for their children.

The adoptive parents (about 80% of the time) have infertility problems and many times have undergone years of hoping and waiting and paying for expensive infertility treatments all to no avail. The choice to adopt does not come lightly. It is not easy to give up on the hope that a couple can conceive their own child, biologically.

The child has to come to terms with being given up for adoption. They will question why and how and who are their parents. They will struggle in school when told to make a "family tree" for a project. Adopted children usually always appreciate and love the adoptive parents as their own, but they have their own identity crisis' and endless thoughts about the life they would have lived with their biological parents.
There are also those couples who have a biological child but cannot conceive again (this is more common than many people think) and wish to expand their family. Or, they suffered the loss of a child and cannot perceive another pregnancy but choose to adopt a child in need who will in-turn fulfill their lives.

Adoption brings all of these different people together. The terrible loss of giving up your child unfolds into a couple who dream of being a parent more than anything.
However, adoption is not for every couple. Many choose to live child-less lives, happy to be known as "aunt" and "uncle" or some continue infertility treatments or just leave it to fate. But, there are those couples who just want to be a family and love has no boundaries for them.
They come to terms with the idea that they can be a family without a pregnancy.
The adopted child has found a home where his mom and dad fought long and hard to find him or her. And, both the child and the parents are grateful to have found one another.

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