Infertility is a very private matter- no arguing that. Answering the very nosy and inappropriate question "So, when are you having kids?" can be a very scrupulous predicament for those suffering from IF.
1. play it cool and pretend you're not trying? Offer up some good reasons/excuses and take another sip of wine.
2. admit that you're trying (which also says, yes, we are having frequent sex; thanks for asking)
OR do you
3. drop the bomb and make the conversation get real personal and probably stagnant and say,"We've been trying for X months/years unsuccessfully. Thanks for bringing it up."
My husband and I went through all the stages. When you get to number 3, you're probably pissed off and want to embarrass the questioner- c'mon you could use some satisfaction.
When you really stop to think about the question, it is amazing that it is socially acceptable to inquire of a couple's plans to conceive. I get it. People are excited and love babies, but really? Is it any of their business to know your family planning activities?
The question in and of itself could be a time bomb waiting to go off. There are so many different responses to this question and most of them aren't good.
1. Well, I ovulated yesterday and we had sex three times. Hopefully it works! (give the thumbs up sign)
2. I just had a miscarriage
3. I just had another miscarriage
4. I can't have children
5. My husband's sterile- Wanna donate?
6. And heaven forbid- we don't want to have children!
Once we admitted to people that we cannot have children, we couldn't wait for someone to ask us. It was our chance to be vindicated. I pitied the poor person who asked the question.
I never got the chance to drop the bomb but my husband did. Jaws dropped, faces turned red, the conversation changed subject real fast.
I would like to spread the word. Don't ask a couple when they are having kids. Next time you get asked "the question" you should ask a question in return that is equally as personal:
"How many times do you have sex a week?"
"How's your marriage?"
"How are you doing after you found out your husband was cheating on you?"
Maybe that will get the message across.