Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I Say Tomato, You Say Tomato

This phrase sums up my husband and I. We are a phenom to be studied by PhD's and MD's all over the world. Yes, it is possible to always think the exact opposite thing as your spouse. After 9 years of being together and 7 years of living together this should not continue to come as a surprise to me, but it does. I know opposites attract, but what about two people whose brains think on two completely different wave lengths? Thank goodness we agree on the major issues in life otherwise we wouldn't have gotten married or still be married.

Some of our opposites are the obvious reasons why 2 different people may be attracted to each other.

  • I don't talk a lot but my husband could go on for hours
  • I go to sleep early and he can stay up all night
  • He likes to watch TV for his down time, and I like to sew, write or read a book
  • Breakfast is my favorite meal and his is dinner (planning dinner is usually pretty interesting for someone who could eat cereal for all 3 meals).

When it comes to how we problem solve or work things out in our minds, amazingly we come up with 2 different ways to do things. For example, if we have to move a piece of furniture like a couch, I will attempt to walk it forward, and he will attempt to turn it- opposite. There are 2 ways to pull out of our driveway to get to the same destination. I always go right and he always goes left- opposite. I like chocolate ice cream and he likes vanilla- opposite. He loves the woods and wants to retire and live in a log cabin that he helps build and design. I have agreed to plan on this, but I am scared of the woods. I know. Crazy. He could sit in the woods all day just listening to nature. I am constantly looking over my shoulder for bears or something else big and scary.

This is different than Mars and Venus and how men and women deal with emotions and communication. We have that covered since going through infertility. We have a lot more work to do before we are a part of the Elite Communicators List but we grew a lot as a couple in the first 5 years of our marriage because we were tested.

It seems like many of the day to day decisions and ramblings are challenging for us because of the complete opposite way we think. We go to leave the house and I think we are taking one car and he gets into our other car. Exasperating! He wants to have steak every night for dinner. Besides that being a horrible choice for his health, I don't like meat.
Maybe we're not alone. Maybe these little daily challenges of being in a relationship are similar to your situation. I have no idea. Sometimes I/we can anticipate that the other person is going to be think B when it's supposed to be A and we concede on doing it the right way. But, then an opposite moment will rear it's ugly head when the right way to do something is so obvious. Get my drift? Like t-shirts should be folded in half and not in thirds or bowls should go in this portion of the dishwasher and not that one.

Just so you know we do happen to love many of the same things- thank goodness, right?

  • Our favorite drink is Swedish Hill Champagne- a winery here in the Finger Lakes
  • When we go on vacation, we do not like to be over scheduled. In fact, we hate to have a schedule at all.
  • We both think our son is hilarious
  • We both knew we wanted to adopt
  • We easily agreed on where to get married
  • I came up with the name of our dog, but he knew right away it was the perfect name for her

Noticing the little things that we enjoy together or the times we when we are in sync with one another make all the disagreements and complicated moments worthwhile. When we experience of those exhilarating blips in time when we are both thinking the same thing, I forget about little details like the fact that he feels it is imperative to put the toothpaste in the medicine cabinet and I like to leave it on the sink top; it's tooth brushing accessibility is increased there, don't ya know?


Barefoot said...

First of all, I had no idea you were in the Finger Lakes....I went to Cornell and drank many a bottle of Swedish Hill!

Secondly, we have the tomato/tomahto thing going on in our house, too. When you have a creative brain (me) and an analytical brain (him) under the same roof, it can get interesting. But I think we bring out the best in each other, which makes it fun! Usually.

Buckeroomama said...

It's these "differences" that spice things up, though. :)

We're like that, too. It's great to be on the same page on things that really matter, but it can also be fun to be different in other stuff.

Randomly Elly said...

you balance each other!!! we are so like this....I am a spaz...and my hubby is so calm and collected. however....we both could talk to a brick wall all day long :) {great post}

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

What a special relationship you have!

And I'm with you----I have no problem eating cereal for any meal! :)

chicklet said...

My husband and I are like you with travel - we book our flights to and from, and that's it. Then we can move about as we want, with no limitations on where to go next if we hate where we are now, or love where we are now. It's the best way to travel.

Your two opposites on EVERYTHING though is hilarious - it's quite extreme!!

Kristin said...

All that matters is that it works for you :)

Beautiful Mess said...

Ahhh I could've written this about my husband and myself. We're opposite in so many ways, yet alike as well. Marriage is a funny thing to figure out sometimes, as are men ;o)

WiseGuy said...

Your post made me smile...even through that total polar choices, there is a strong bond of love...and yes, there is your Equator as well!

Be Tomato rocking!


starky said...

My husband and I are complete opposites as well. But like you and yours, we have a lot of similarities as well. I think that's the best kind of pairing: you're similar enough to relate to each other, and different enough to be very noticeably your own separate entity.

Jill said...

My husband and I are complete opposites, too! Sometimes it makes me wonder how we got this far without killing each other :) Happy ICLW!

mrsmoore08 said...

Planning dinners in our house can be a challenge too! I love breakfast for dinner and my DH hates all things breakfast!

Nina said...

I totally get this. We could be sisters.

Just Caz said...

The old saying is that opposites attract!
I definatly liked the one about you both getting in different cars!
Who caves and ends up switching?

Thanks for your comment on my blog.

Suprisingly my middle name is
Rieka which is actually dutch for erica... my parents were naming me after my oma(again dutch for grandma) and they spelt it wrong because her name is rika.

Ah well sometimes its good to be different though?

X Caragh



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