Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Pent Up

Last week I experienced a release of emotions that I did not even know existed. It's not that I was unaware of my feelings of sadness and guilt, I simply did not realize how profound these emotions were and how tied up they were with other things that have been bothering me for many years.

When AJ and I picked up Lucy (our dog) 6 1/2 years ago, she was a tiny puppy of 7 weeks. We had just moved into our first house, and I had always wanted a dog. AJ had dogs growing up and was excited to have a puppy once again. We found Lucy through an ad in the paper and drove 2 1/2 hours to get her. She was the cutest little thing ever. Brittany Spaniels are hyper dogs but docile and good family dogs and very smart. They are born and bred to hunt and they are amazing runners. We visit the website brittanyspanielrescue.com a lot; well, not so much anymore, but there was a time when we considered getting Lucy a brother. This was when human babies seemed like they would never enter our lives. Anyway, on brittanyrescue you will find many dogs that need loving homes and 99.9% of their profiles say, 'needs fenced in yard.' They need to run and exercise but tend to run out of their boundaries because they are 'hunting.'

When Lucy comes up to our cottage, she runs outside on her dog run for eight hours straight. She barely stops for food and water (and she loves to eat).When hunters take brittany's out, they take 2. One rests while the other hunts, and then they switch. The reason for this is that these dogs would literally run themselves to death or injury. They do not know how to stop or relax.

Last week we got our new huge yard fenced in. It was a moment we had been waiting for since we purchased the home last July. The cost of the fence forced us to wait until this season. I was so excited for them to come and put up the fence. We kept telling Lu she was in for a big surprise. I knew the fence would allow me peace of mind with Luv Bug as well because we live on a busy road. I just could not wait to see Lu and Luv Bug playing in the yard together.
It has been a long winter of taking Lucy out on her leash to go potty. In fact, she is the reason I hurt my shoulder.

After they finished the fence I waited for AJ to come home so we could let Lu run and run and run. We had never seen her run in a space that big. She had never been able to run to her hearts content (except the four times she got away!).

AJ got home and we all went outside and watched Lucy take off. My little baby finally had her yard. She could finally explore and run and sniff and hunt and be outside with the whole family, our new whole family. I cried and cried as I watched her run around. It was so emotional for me because I realized how badly I had felt for Lucy all these years, how guilty I felt that she didn't have a large space to run in, guilty for not training her better when she was a puppy, sad for myself because I hated always having her tied up. I wanted to spend more time with her outside, where she loves to be. I love that dog more than anything. I'm crying now as I write this because she has gotten me through so many awful days. I was so thrilled to be able to return the favor and give her the gift of free space to RUN. And, run she will- all summer long. She also loves the snow. She is enamored with being outside.

When we brought her in I hugged her so hard and kept saying, you finally got your yard. I mentioned to AJ that it was like filling in the last piece of the puzzle. For so long there were so many things that made us angry about our lives- we couldn't have children, we hated our house, we hated the fact that it cost us so much money to have a family, Lucy had a tiny little yard to play in- we were pissed.

The day Lucy got her yard it became clear that there was nothing left to hate or be mad about. I did not realize what a crucial part Lucy's happiness played in my happiness. She is a huge part of our family and before I could not give her what she needed to be happy.

Everything is here now. Everything is in the palm of our hand. Everything.


Just Caz said...

I am so happy for lucy, and for you.
Animals can become such an amazing part of our families.
Totally priceless in every single way.
Again, so happy that you got to experience life with your lucy.

tireegal68 said...

What a beautiful post. Having two dogs who can't do the doggie park after years of heart ache and trying to make it work I feel you on this. What freedom for you and your dear doggie and your kidlet. I hope you have a truly wonderful summer. I hope that one day my doggies will have the same experience. I felt like I was there in the garden with you watching her run!

Beautiful Mess said...

Oh that's so awesome! I'm so glad your happy and you have everything..EVERYTHING!

Mama of 3 Munchkins! said...

You have an award waiting for you on my blog. Congrats!

'Murgdan' said...

Awwwww. Yay Lucy! I'm so excited for her too! :-)

Lisa said...

ooo...from one proud Mama to another ( and oh yes, those furry babies are just as precious!) I completely "get" this post and loved all the joy!

Yay, for Lucy...yay, for you all!
:) Lisa

Kristin said...

I am so happy for you and for Lucy.

Kim H. said...

That is so beautiful... I'm a BIG dog lover, and I think people that think of dogs as a part of the family... tend to be better overall. :-) I'm biased that way... but it really makes my heart swell to know that Lucy has such a wonderful family, and now a BIG yard to play in... YAY!

Anonymous said...

Yay Lu!!!! Yay for feeling complete!! :) :) :)

When I am feeling down I'll take my dogs hiking or to the park and just watch them run and play. There is something about watching them being so carefree and joyful that fills my heart right up and makes me smile.

And yes, my dogs have been through so much with me as well. I know what you mean. I think of my miscarriages and my dogs were right there by my side.

So glad you are feeling "whole"!

CandiceR said...

Thanks for stopping by by blog. I stole your button and I'm putting it up.

Missy said...

I'm so happy you can finally have the home you want for your whole family. Enjoy!

junebug said...

I loved this post. It made me cry. I have two doggies of my own and we haven't been able to get them a fence yet. I know I am going to be as happy as you were when we finally get a fence up.


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