Friday, February 12, 2010

Not To Repeat Myself

I have been an emotional wreck lately- crying at the drop of a hat. They are tears of happiness, being overwhelmed with the happenings in my life. So many wonderful things have taken place in the past year and a half. I became a mother and finally able to live out my dreams of having a baby to call my own.

Through this monumental change in my life I was able to begin moving on from the horribly difficult path of infertility. If you read this blog often, you know that I still have my struggles. But, they are different. The grief I still process is a combination of many things. I continue to sort through the five years of hell, trying to make sense of it, and slowly moving on.

Every day that I have with my son is a gracious gift. Infertility has allowed me to embrace a child that would not have come into my life otherwise. Every tear, visit to the doctor, dollar spent, drug taken, and negative pregnancy test led me to this new life. The old story continues to prove itself to be true. We will eventually figure out why we have been challenged and tested. Time will tell. It is what we do with our challenges that will alter our life.

Happiness and the continued desire to make a difference helped cultivate the idea to start a non-profit. I bought a book, thought of a name and talked to a lot of people. The skills I learned from my father about running a business allowed PFM to run efficiently. This is another lesson that has come full circle for me. I was never supposed to work for my father because I always had other aspirations. It's not that I did not believe in my father's business; I thought that I would make a career with my foreign language skills in a big city far away from my roots. The decision to move home after college was the first step in creating my life's path.

My father is my mentor. He is an incredible business man who has always put integrity first. Through his guidance and advice I have learned an invaluable set of tools- how to be successful. His real estate company is 39 years strong this year. After working with my dad I realized that I have a knack for running a business and marketing. These are skills that I never thought were in me.

PFM has brought so many wonderful people into my life. Lifelong friendships have been made. Respect and admiration have dominated my emotions due to the people I have met since forming PFM. In case you did not notice I am a very sentimental person. I think most writers are. I do not take things for granted. Because I have this innate desire to tell people how I feel about them, I have done a lot of crying because of bonds formed. There are so many people I have met and became fast friends with simply because we have been down similar paths. It is amazing how struggle can align people instantly. Further still it is amazing how similar beliefs will part the waters and bring people together.

I get emotional when I think of all the people pulling for me and PFM. What an overwhelming feeling. I get emotional over my lovely little family. And, I get emotional over all that I believe is in store for PFM and my life from here on out.

Life is short. We are reminded of this time and again when someone special passes away too soon or an unexpected event occurs that changes life completely. I am reminded of the fragility of life and the steady tread of time as each year passes. I want to embrace all that I am given and make sure that I make the most of everything that makes up who I am.

My sentimentality has increased with age because I am not afraid to show this vulnerable side of myself. I would be discrediting who I really am if I did not let my emotions unfold on my sleeve.

From my little corner of the world I feel loved and respected. And, I return the love and respect. The hours that I spend on Parenthood for Me are aimed at helping people. And, when I am able to help, I feel the bounty of emotion that comes with making a difference in someone's life who did not expect it.

Here are the lyrics to my newly found favorite song. The poetry is simply beautiful. I am inspired.

Peace and love.

"We're All In This Together" - Old Crow Medicine Show

Click here for video.

Well my friends, I see your face so clearly
Little bit tired, little worn through the years
You sound nervous, you seem alone
I hardly recognize your voice on the telephone

In between I remember
Just before bound-up, broken-down
We drive out to the edge of the highway
Follow that lonesome dead-end roadside south

We're all in this thing together
Walkin' the line between faith and fear
This life don't last forever
When you cry I taste the salt in your tears

Well my friend, let's put this thing together
And walk the path with worn out feet of trial
'Cause if you wanted we can go home forever
Give up your jaded ways, spell your name to God


All the hour there's a picture in a mirror
Fancy shoes to grace our feet
All there is is a slow road to freedom
Heaven above and the devil beneath



Kristin said...

What a truly beautiful post.

FranticMommy said...

Wow. I am bawling. Your post touched my heart. We too struggled with infetility for years. Hubs and I have been married 21 years and have a 4 y.o (IVF) and a 7 y.o (adoption). I doubt if anyone can fathom the emotional rollercoaster Moms go through unless they've experienced infertility themselves. You go girl. I am proud of you!
p.s I found your via Saturday Sharefest.

The Cookie Girl said...

Wow! What a beautiful post. I wanted to stop by and thank you for visiting my blog today.
I hope your weekend if filled with the Sweetest things.
Happy Valentine's Day!

Mary said...

What a beautiful post. You are a true inspiration.

rebecca said...

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, touching post. As someone who is struggling in my IF journey I am so thankful for people like you who not only know the pain, but move past their own pain to try & help other people, you are so inspiring!


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