Tuesday, May 14, 2013
I remembered all those stories my mom would tell me on my birthday every year.
It was snowing the day you were born. Your brother was two weeks late and you were two weeks early. I always knew you were a girl- never had a doubt.
When I gave birth to my baby on April 10th, the entire experience felt like it was happening to someone else. Much like my pregnancy did. Going into labor and then holding my baby girl for the first time seemed like a dream. Hearing my husband tell me it was a girl, which I knew in my heart all along, felt like a sigh of relief. She was here and she was healthy. And my visions over the past ten years of a little girl gracing our life had been true. She was sent to us because we needed her. Just like our boys were sent to us because of how much we needed them.
I guess we all needed each other.
Spending two days in the hospital I felt like I was in a haze. We would look over at our baby girl sleeping in the portable bassinet and do a double take. We would look at each other and giggle. "Are we really here with a newborn baby?" Nearly 10 years of anguish will do that to you. It will make you second guess when beautiful things happen and wishes are granted.
The day she was born there was a torrential rain storm. The skies were gray and overcast. But inside our hospital room there was pink every where. There were gift bags full of girl clothes with polka dots and flowers and blankets and teddy bears. Grandma held her minutes after being born. And soon came Ooma and Papa with tears in their eyes as well. How we all waited for this baby girl.
Her brothers came to visit anxious to meet their baby sister. It was a beautiful site- them looking at her excited that she finally arrived. But later that night I began to think about all the details I didn't have about my boys first year of life. I don't know if it was cloudy or sunny the day they were born. I don't know how long their birth mothers were in labor. I don't know what happened the day she had to give them to the adoption agency- what she may have said to them as she said good bye. I am so sorry that I cannot give them these pieces of their past. I worry that they will feel bad that baby sister will know all the details of her life while they may search forever to find out.
I can only hope that this difference and the many others of how they came to be our babies will simply be accepted as their own story. I aspire to say and do all the right things for my boys when they have questions about their birth parents and adoption. In my heart I know that loving them to the fullest is the best thing I can do for them.
Little sister is a gift to us all. We have a baby in the house for the first time. Big brothers and mom and dad are smitten with our little girl. The boys want to hold her and give her kisses. Wee says in his cute voice, "Baby cute, Mom."
What a joy it has been to see my three beautiful children together. I always wanted three children. And I haven't forgotten what it felt like wondering if I would even have one. It was worth the wait; no doubt about it.
Posted by Parenthood for Me at 5/14/2013