Parenthood for Me

Mama of Two

2012-01-08T21:17:00.005-05:00

"I wanted you more than you will ever know,
so I sent love to follow wherever you go."

- from "Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You" by Nancy Tillman

Please forgive my absense. I have neglected my beloved blog, and I feel badly about it. We welcomed our son, Wee home from S. Korea on December 21. His arrival was about two months earlier than anticipated. It was the best Christmas of my life.

He is a happy little boy, 19 months old. Brother Min is very happy to finally have his play mate.

What an amazing and wonderful experience. I get to be the mother of two wonderful little boys. Seeing them together whether it be in the back seat or playing with toys, I still feel a bit of shock. My eyes well up at least once a day.

I have so many thoughts to convey but find myself at a loss as how to articulate them. My emotions are all over the place.
I simply cannot believe how lucky we are. It took us 8 years to get here, but we are now a family of 4 with our baby dog Lucy.

When my mind has time to clear a bit, and my emotions find their pocket place, I will share with everyone our amazing journey to Wee, and what it feels like to have him home.

*picture is of Me and Min waiting for baby brother to get off plane.

Sharing Testimonials

2011-11-08T20:49:00.003-05:00

As we celebrate three years since inception and two years of giving out grants, here are some testimonials and statements from those with adoption and infertility experience.

Thank you for all the kinds words. We wouldn't be here without all the support.

Sincerely,
Erica and AJ Schlaefer ,founders and the board of directors

"Dear Parenthood for Me,
We just celebrated our son's 1st birthday. We now live in the light where we were once surrounded by darkness. Your generosity helped to allow that change for us. After so much loss and pain, we feel that we have now emerged on the other side." -Nancy, 2010 grantee

"Parenthood for Me helped me to understand that we are not alone in our struggle and to really believe that we would have the family we were meant to have, however it happened. The information I received and stories shared helped give me the strength to move forward with our plan. And today we are expecting twin boys! To me, Parenthood For Me's efforts at spreading information and providing support is invaluable."– Lindsay G.

Thank you Erica, you have helped me in many ways that others haven’t been able to. Your blog and organization have been a gift. The biggest gift you have given to me is that some day when my daughter asks why your words will help us explain to her what we went thou to have her. "– Kara F.

"I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that it’s a shame that my family planning has everything to do with how much money I have instead of how much love I have to share. Parenthood for Me is one of only a handful of organizations that recognize and help families like mine with the burden of these costs." - Lisa, adoptive mother

"We also had infertility "issues" but did not let that stop us from becoming a family. And thanks to organizations like yours, we did and could not be happier. The day we meet our son was the most incredible day of our lives, just to be able to hold him, touch him, and even smell him was something that words cannot describe. We are truly grateful to Parenthood for Me for helping us bring Liam home. Now we can call ourselves a FAMILY!"- Holt and Shirley, 2010 grantee

"You just never know what can happen in your life. I never imagined that I would struggle with and suffer from infertility. My husband Jeff and I were one of the lucky couples to receive the 2011 grant. We were ready to give up and call it a day as we had done everything we could do on our own. This grant will definitely help us with our next treatment." – Jeff and Judy, 2011 grantee

“After 5 years of waiting our baby is finally on his/her way. We are living on a cloud. We are grateful to you for giving us financial help we needed to achieve this pregnancy.” – Marybeth and Daniel C.

“I applaud your efforts for bringing attention to the sometimes bumpy and frustrating path to parenthood...adoption is a tremendous gift and blessing and this blog could help to unite waiting children with their forever families. My heart goes out to everyone struggling with infertility issues or indecision about adoption....we have been twice blessed through adoption and words cannot begin to describe how grateful we are for our miracles each & every day! -Lisa

“What a wonderful thing you are doing, it will be a blessing to all you help. As a couple that would love to have another child but the money is holding us back as we still sit on the loan from our first adoption, it is encouraging to see people like you that are stepping out to help! - Ashley Jene

”I am so happy that you are creating this non-profit. My husband and I can't afford the infertility treatments. We would need in vitro due to his infertility and insurance does not cover it. Adoption is not an option also because of financial reasons. Good luck with your venture! “-Tracy

"I think your heart is in the right place and what you are doing is beautiful.” -Kara B.

"Congratulations on 3 years of changing history for a number of families."- Lori

"Congratulations on 3 years! I'm so impressed you took something painful in your own life and made it into something amazing!" – Alex

"Erica,

It breaks my heart that anyone should ever have to go through such a painful experience. This is beautifully written. It both comforts those who have been through similar experiences and educates those who have not. The fact that you went through this potentially soul-shattering experience to move forward to helping others going through similar experiences demonstrates your strength and courage.Thank you for sharing your story." – Jeanne

"You really captured many of the truths of the adoptive journey. It’s such an all-encompassing emotional time.....a journey with both highs & lows....agony and god willing, unabashed joy at the end. Thank you for giving a voice to ALL parents."- Lisa

“I'm sitting in a flood of tears as I read your post. It is so incredibly moving and you opened by eyes to a lot of things I had not considered before. I want to say congratulations to you on your beautiful family.” – Claire

"Thank you for taking your experiences and educating people about adoption. At this point I don't know what is down the road for me, but it sure helps me to better understand how to support friends who have adopted. Very helpful - thank you."- Stacey

"What a lovely post! I appreciated your description of the ways you find joy in mundane parenting tasks (ex. picking up toys or buying diapers), because you are glad to have to do the task. Sometimes I get hung-up on my secondary infertility...I need to remember never to lose sight of my sweet 4-year-old, even when I'm longing for her to have a sibling. Thanks for the great reminder.” – Alana

“I have never been moved to tears by a post or anything else. I was today and I could never have put my feelings into words like you did. You described how I feel exactly." –Nina

“I tend to be an optimist in life, and believe that struggle and pain help us appreciate all of our blessings. I thank God for infertility because without it I wouldn’t have my son, nor would I have the same perspective on life and just how sweet the words “love you dada” sound.” – Jerry, adoptive dad

“The decision to adopt is a HUGE one. It took us years to come to that decision. Because in making that decision you are also saying to yourself, it's ok if we don't have a biological child. And in doing that you are grieving that child you never had that would have had your eyes and his nose. It's a lot to take in.” – Alicia

“At first my husband and I had to cope with the unimaginable loss of our first born son dying hours after birth. We coped, we drank, we hit punching bags, cried, wrote - everything and anything we could do to deal with the grief we carried in our hearts.
Then came the infertility whammy. The stress of the double whammy has hit us. We have to work harder at our relationship than ever before. It is easier to slip into our own survival modes, unintentionally leaving the other alone. But we cope, and we reach out and take notice if our relationship begins to drift away from center. It takes work but it is worth it.” – Amy

3 Years

2011-10-18T21:33:00.003-04:00

Three years ago I had an idea. What if AJ and I could do something to help others? What if we told our story to the world and showed people the hardship of infertility? What if speaking out eased others pain?

At a small gathering of friends I stated I started a non-profit and showed my first business card. The name came to me after searching a few other possibilities that were already taken. The original logo was drawn in purple crayon and scanned.

Letters went out to people in my life who may want to join a board of directors for a tiny charity with big ideas. Most people accepted.

This blog was initiated and I searched all over the Internet for ways to connect and spread the word. I found Stirrup-Queens. With that I found my community.

The community has spread enormously and so much has transpired.

Three years.

Yesterday our board received updates of grantees from 2010. I was able to read stories and see pictures of the families we helped create. Unbelievable.

Our foundation has reached many milestones. We are learning as we go. We have had so much help and guidance from talented individuals willing to donate their time and expertise. As a collective unite we have enjoyed many wonderful moments and successes. Even though there is so much work to be done, we relish in the testimonial statements, the daily requests for help, and knowing that we can make a difference.

PFM thanks everyone who has donated, shared our website, blog links, bought merchandise, and believe in our mission.

2012 has many wonderful things in store.

"I heard your dreams came true."

This is a line from a song that popped out at me today.

I hope all of your dreams come true.

Get To Know

2011-10-03T21:09:00.005-04:00

Get to know Barbara Caparell. Founder of the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund, Inc.

Q: How did you start The Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund?

A: Unfortunately, my husband, Jim passed away unexpectedly just 6 months after we came home from China with our second daughter. Jim was a loving, involved and committed stay-at-home Dad who embraced fatherhood. After his death some of our dear friends from our adoption travel group approached me with the idea to start a non-profit organization to honor Jim and his generous and giving spirit. The Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund was established in 2008 to assist adoptive families with their financial, educational, health and catastrophic needs and to raise awareness of transracial adoption by celebrating and promoting the diverse cultural identity of the children it seeks to support.

Q: What do you hope to accomplish with the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund?

A: We started Jim's organization to be able to help families that have been created by adoption that are not able to provide for some of their own needs. In 2009 we were able to provide an adoptive family of a Mom and her 2 children with the financial support she needed to buy groceries, gas and clothes during a particularly difficult period for the family. We also hope to be able to help educate people by enlightening and informing them about adoption. We are currently working at funding a lending resource library for a Massachusetts adoption agency and working with local libraries to create positive and informative adoption sections in those libraries. Additionally, we wanted to instill in our "collective children and youth" a spirit of giving like Jim's by showing them what generosity, kindness and hope can provide. We aspire to continue to be able to do all of this for years to come.

Q: What do you do to raise funds?

A: Our main fundraiser each year is a Moon Festival Celebration which is a celebration of family reunion and is the second largest holiday in China. The Chinese people believe that the phases of the Moon represent the changes in life- --joy and sorrow, parting and reunion and when the Moon is full and round it is the perfect time for connection. Legend says that even for those families that cannot be together on that day that when they watch the full moon at the same time it is like they are side by side. Families get together on that day for fun activities and traditional food. We believe that the Moon Festival is the perfect event to symbolize what Jim was all about---togetherness, giving, understanding, and the love of his children's culture.

Q: When is the Moon Festival Celebration scheduled for this year?

A: The Moon Festival is scheduled for Sunday, October 9, 2011 and will be held at the East Bridgewater Commercial Center in Massachusetts from Noon to 4:00pm. We have a dance performance by Dance Revelasian of Boston, a music performance by the Perry Family Band, a traditional Chinese paper folding workshop, a silent auction, and raffles. There are also lots of fun activities for the kids like face painting, balloon sculpting and moon walks. You can get more information about the Moon Festival and the Jim Mulhern Forever Families Fund at www.jimmulhern.org. Tickets are still available for purchase on our website.

For more information please visit their website: http://www.jimmulhern.org/

Filling Up the Glass

2011-09-26T20:13:00.006-04:00

There are times when I look back at all I have written and all I have thought and said and think, is not giving birth to a biological child really all that bad?

Yes, I will never see a life created by my husband and I. What would he or she look like? What traits would he or she possess from us or our relatives?

Yes, I will never know what it is like to be pregnant. I am a woman. A woman who wants to get pregnant. It does still seem odd that getting pregnant cannot happen for me. C'mon. I have all the parts and they even work, I think. No pregnancy?

But I am a mother. I have a son who is absolutely amazing. Every day I am in awe.

I have another son who lives far away but will be in his home soon enough. He will be a little brother, son, grandchild, great grandchild, cousin, nephew, and friend to so many people.

Again our home will be filled with a baby boy.

But then I pause and remember that the journey through infertility is full of pain. There are most definitely highs and lows. There are moments filled with hope and pure dread. But the desire to have a family is strong- in your bones strong. We push on and keep on keepin' on.

I recently had a conversation with someone who revealed to me the power of the human mind and how positive thinking can alter many outcomes. I have heard this before and tried to practice positive thinking when all I wanted to do was wallow. But for some reason this time I really believed that my own thoughts reflect on my successes and failures in life. I have come to a new phase in my journey. I have healed in so many ways. My scars are no where near as visible and at this point I am more open minded about lack of pregnancy.

What I realized is that I need to dream. I need to think about everything I do and how I can drive my own success and happiness. And I have to be okay with the outcome.

If I am okay with the outcome, and I am grateful for everything that is positive, then I will lead a happy life.

Today is about the present. And I have decided to stop looking back at all the difficult times leading up to becoming a parent. Reflection on hard times is a necessity. We must not forget any part of our life because of how it has shaped us. But I have decided to really try and reflect on wonderful things that have transpired since infertility became a part of my life.

I will still have my days of sadness. I will continue to wonder why having a family is so easy for others and yet the biggest hurdle many others will ever face. But maybe, just maybe this is a step for me in the direction of letting go. Releasing some of the pent up pain that has not allowed me to move on.

*image provided by google images

The Life of Lucy

2011-09-08T21:13:00.006-04:00

Either you are an animal lover or not. And, it is safe to say that even if you are an animal lover, you may not be a pet person. Well, I am both. As a kid I always wanted a dog. My parents had an Irish Setter, Shawn as newlyweds and he was pretty defiant and wild-into everything. A shoe eater I hear. He also ate the top of their wedding cake on the day of their first wedding anniversary. When my brother was born, Shawn didn't take too well to the new arrival. He was a good dog, but needed more space to run and get out his energy. My mother grew up with several dogs and cats and had never given a pet away. But Shawn needed a better home. So they found him a 100+ acre farm to live out his days, and afterwards received many reports that he was healthy and happy in his new home.

Shawn sealed my fate for ever getting a dog as a kid. However, my parents wanted my brother and I to have pets. Just pets that seemed to be less work. Pets that could be left for a few days if we went on vacation. My brother got a red haired rabbit that he named Thumper. He was the best bunny you could have. Acted more like a dog than a rabbit. Greg had him on a leash and took him for walks. He was the sweetest animal and my brother loved him to pieces.

We had a rather large yard growing up and somehow along the way my dad decided to build Thumper a pen outside in a shed off our garage. The pen had access to the outdoors if he wanted fresh air, but when it was real cold, he could be inside out of the elements. This evolved into finding Thumper a mate so we could have bunnies. Oh, Thumper had many girlfriends. I think I named them all- Tiffany, Violet, and maybe another. Thumper had several batches of bunnies and it was such a thrill when they were born. They were the cutest things ever. We sold them to neighbors and friends and of course kept at least one. In the winter my brother was always out checking on the rabbits. There was a space heater out there on really frigid nights and he would bring them inside sometimes much to my parents dismay.

Tiffany and Violet eventually passed away. The life of a bunny isn't too long. But Thumper kept hanging in until age 6. I'll never forget the day Thumper died. It was my first experience with death and I felt so awful for m brother. He was devastated. By that time my brother was a young teenager and had more important things going on in his life than to breed rabbits. But the lessons of love and tenderness learned by having Thumper were priceless.

For my sixth birthday my dad decided to follow through on an ad in the paper for a cockatiel (in the Parrot family). He thought a bird was harmless enough and again, we could live it at home for a few days. It wouldn't ruin the house, didn't need to be potty trained or walked.

We went to the pet store and there was a huge window full of baby cockatiels. Who knows how I picked out my bird but eventually I found the one and the person at the pet store got him out and helped me hold him. We realized that he had a lame leg and may not make it so my dad suggested I pick out another.

We brought the bird home with a fancy new cage and bells, and special treats. I named her Maxine. I don't remember much about the early days of acclimating with a bird except that she was ornery sometimes, and if she cam out of the cage, it was hard to get her back in. After a few weeks I thought I would change the name to BeeBee. Who the hell knows! Then it was Maxine BeeBee.

After about a year we found at the Maxine was really a Maxwell. Flesh colored feet and beak were signs of a male and a better disposition as well. After some thought his name became Chucki. And this one stuck. Notice it had to be with an 'i." He was the greatest little creature. Again he was a bird more like a dog than a bird. He came when he was called, flying from the living room to the kitchen where I would be making breakfast. He never wanted to be without me. If I left the room, he followed me. He was always on my shoulder or in my lap. He had the best personality and if you didn't think birds could smile, you're wrong. He hammed it up for people and loved showing himself off. He never learned to speak English but he had several different songs and each of them meant that he was in a different temperament.

He liked to eat breakfast with me so I would offer him some cheerios and there he sat on the table chomping away as I ate my bowl of cereal. I loved that bird more than anything. He was the first thing I saw in the morning and the first thing I wanted to see when I got home from school. He comforted me as a child the way most pets do.

When I went away to college in Delaware, I had to leave him home. That was really hard. I got home a couple of times a semester and our reunions were always the same- adoration.

Chucki moved in with me to my first home. I got married and moved to a second home. He filled our house with song and I loved taking him out just so he could sit on my should or as he got older in my lap on a blanket. He loved to have his cheeks rubbed.

One morning I found him at the bottom of his cage. This is the tell-tale sign that a bird is failing. They are such strong creatures that they do not show many signs of their age until it is time for them to pass. I picked him up in my arms and cradled his little body as his eyes closed. His breathing became rapid and I just lay on the couch with him in my arms making sure he was warm and felt safe.

At 28 years old I lost my first pet. It was extremely difficult to not hear him sing when I walked in the door. I missed his silly antics and smiling eyes. What a blessing he was to me. All because my parents didn't want us to have a dog. Chuck was in my life for 22 years. Amazing. And again I learned so much about love, compassion, and companionship. I was responsible for taking care of him and he in turn, he took care of me.

Part of what helped me get over the loss of Chucki was my invaluable relationship with my beautiful Brittany Spaniel, Lucy. AJ and I had gotten her when we moved into our first house. By the time Chuck died Lucy was 3.

Lucy has been my lifesaver. AJ always calls her my dog and I know it is true. She follows me wherever I go whether it is down to the basement to fold laundry or upstairs at night when I go to bed.

How we came to bring Lucy home is a story of fate. We called the breeder from a newspaper ad. The farm was 2.5 hours from our home. AJ requested a girl and the man on the other end of the phone said he had one girl left. A couple requested her and were supposed to pick her up the day prior. He said if we got there before them, we could bring her home. We rushed out of the house and made the drive. As soon as we pulled up to the farm I saw a bunch of boy pups romping around in the mud. They were adorable. The woman asked me if I would like to see the girl. She was inside and bathed already. I left AJ outside to make small talk with the breeder. Walking into the cramped farm house I looked down and saw the most precious little puppy wrapped in a pink blanket. She had a shiny cream coat and reddish floppy ears. When they are that young, their spots haven't formed yet so her coat was almost all creamy white. I held her in my arms and instantly knew she was ours. I hurredly brought her out to AJ and one look at her and we were sold. We gave our money, signed the papers, and headed to our car.

For months we had debated on a name. I am big on names and I had all sorts of ideas. AJ wasn't keen on any of them and kept saying she will name herself. As we stood on the farm in the cold November weather, I whispered a name that was never on my list, Lucy. She is our Lucy. And she was.

We wanted to show her off to everyone. We brought her to my parents house (the non-dog lovers). My mother was smitten immediately.

After puppy-dom waned and she was potty trained and got past the stage of wanting to chew we got along famously. She grew and turned into a dog but boy did she have a personality. Just like a toddler. She made AJ and I laugh so hard. After we got married and tried to have kids, Lucy was our baby. She was there for us during our many disappointments.

I recently read a memoir and the author spoke of her relationship with her dog as a young girl. She said, "my dog was a great listener, as most dogs are..." This is my Lucy. During our infertility journey and the countless disappointing pregnancy tests, Lucy was my savior. I cried in her soft coat countless times and she lay there just knowing that I needed her. She was my only baby for 5 years. I took care of her, doted on her and loved her the way she loved me.

We were so lucky that other couple never showed up that cold Saturday morning. Lucy was meant to be ours. After becoming adoptive parents, this seems to be a recurring theme in our life. Our little family has been brought together by chance and luck or perhaps the fulfillment of a story already written.

Lucy will be 9 in a few days. She is eating senior food. Brittany Spaniels are notorious for their energy and need to run. They act like puppies well into the senior years. People have told us that their 14 year old Brittany still acted the same as when he was a pup. Lucy runs in our big back yard for hours. She is a hunter by nature and loves being outside.

I've noticed that her beautiful red "mask" that covers her eyes and eyelashes had turned white. On rare occasions she will lay down in the grass now instead of running for 3 straight hours. But she only lays down long enough to create a beautiful picture. A creamy white dog laying in lush green grass looking out into the woods behind our house.

Recently we had to bring Lucy to the vet. Both AJ and I decided we could no longer try to ignore the bulge coming out of her right side. We could feel two lumps, one big and one small. We have had her checked before and the lumps are usually just fatty tissue, but at her age we needed to be more proactive.

I cried my eyes out that night. I always expected Lucy to live to her life's capacity which is 14-16 years. I just could not wrap my mind around her leaving us too soon. The results from the vet were somewhat comforting but left doubt. They don't believe the thumps are cancerous but unless we completely remove the lumps, we will not know for sure if they are benign.

AJ and I believe in quality of life for all creatures. We will continue to monitor her and if it is necessary have her undergo surgery. But for now she seems in great health.

I cherish every day with her. Seeing her face in the upstairs window every day when I pull in makes me laugh. Watching Min run around in the back yard with her is a dream come true. I love my Lucy. At age 9 I am coming to terms that her life is becoming shorter. Hopefully we will be lucky and get to see her live out her days relatively healthy and when it is her time to go, she will die without pain and in peace.

Lucy is my savior. She is a dog with a human-like soul. She is another unforeseen gift and I am forever changed by having her in my life.

Raising Awareness with Artwork for Building Families

2011-09-06T11:36:00.004-04:00

Many of you know that PFM has a line of stationery note cards made by artists local to Rochester, NY and also some of our favorite students at The School at Columbia University thanks to my friend and teacher, Kate.

We have a line of holiday cards that we would like to reintroduce for this year's season. All net proceeds go toward our endowment. In reaction to the Facebook and Breast Cancer meme which proves once again that infertility is completely misunderstood, I thought it would be nice to do something positive for the Adoption, Loss, and Infertility community.

Kid's artwork is the best. We are looking for kids to draw pictures of things pertaining to winter and the holidays. Maybe a child you know could have their artwork printed on our note cards and help raise money for our grant program.

Here are the guidelines:

1) Artwork can be emailed in pdf or jpg format to info@parenthoodforme.org or mailed to:
Parenthood for Me, Inc.
PO Box 67750
Rochester, NY 14617

2) Must be postmarked by October 1, 2011

3) Please include child's first name, age, and and email address or mailing address where parent/guardian can be reached. (we will need to get permission to reprint artwork and post on-line)

4) And last but not least. Be creative!
Here are some ideas: snowmen, snowflakes, holiday scenes. We are looking for artwork for any holiday during December.

Feel free to contact us with any questions.

*depending on volume, we may not be able to print all artwork received

Fake Pregnancy and Breast Cancer Awareness

2011-09-05T19:00:00.002-04:00

The initiative on Facebook this year to raise awareness for Breast Cancer Awareness Month is not only puzzling but disturbing on many levels.

Last year women were supposed to put a color in their status and keep men guessing what it meant. The color signified the color of the bra they were wearing that day. This makes sense to me. Breast Cancer Awareness- bra color.

There is no need to write a new post on this subject when two wonderful writers explain this year's status meme and it's effect on the infertility community and cancer survivors.

"I'm Zero Weeks and Craving a Baby" from Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed

"Pretending You're Pregnant Makes People Truly Understand Breast Cancer" from Stirrup-Queens.

The Expectant Mother

2011-08-22T07:32:00.005-04:00

Walking from my car through the Weg.man's parking lot I inevitably turned my head to see the "Expectant Mother" parking sign. The familiar twinge of sadness in my heart ebbed for a few moments while I made my way inside the store.

I am an expectant mother. My baby lives thousands of miles away and not in my belly, but he is our son and we are his parents.

I don't need a special parking space or help picking things up when they fall. There is no need to dote on me and get me pickles and ice cream, but I feel the same way any mother feels who is pregnant. I think of baby Wee every day. I image what he will smell like and look like when he arrives. I hope that he is happy and healthy, although I rest assured that his foster mother is filling his heart with love and teaching him everything she can before he leaves her home.

Throughout my journey to motherhood I have learned a lot of things. I have learned about grief, joy, finding the good in life despite extreme pain. I have learned that I can endure and come out the other side a better person, someone who appreciates the difficulties in life because of the reward that can follow. Motherhood to Min and now baby Wee is unbelievable and remarkably I still marvel at my 4 year old nearly every day. I find myself taking moments while he is singing, jumping on my furniture, eating breakfast, and being silly to stare in awe that this is my child. I have also learned a lot about what parenthood means and what a complete joy and gift it is to raise children.

When do we become expectant mothers? I understand now that it happens long before we decide to try and conceive. It even happens before the marriage. Each woman may not think about having a baby in depth when they are young or beginning to start a life with someone, but motherhood is part of being a woman. There is an expectation of parenthood someday.

I remember playing with dolls, changing their diapers, giving bottles and rocking them in a cradle. I always had tons of names in mind. Like most kids I didn't particularly like my name and always thought I could come up with something better! As I got older thoughts formulated about things I would do with my children. I am a linguist. I knew I wanted to teach my kids Italian and Spanish. They would grow up in the Thousand Islands at our family cottage. Memories were created long before I wanted to become pregnant.

Now that I am a mother and fulfilling those thoughts and dreams I have new hopes for my second child. He will be 18 months when he comes home from Korea. I hope that his transition into a new life will be easy for him. I am so thankful for Min because he will help his little brother become acclimated to all the new sites, smells, and sounds of our home. He will give him affection and talk to him, helping him to learn English. He will be a great big brother.

Expecting our second child through adoption is another surprise in my life that is nothing less than magical. Being an expectant mother for the second time feels the same as waiting for Min but different as well. The wait is longer. There is a different level of difficulty in imagining how he is doing and what he is like. I try not to think too much about how fast he is growing and what we are missing but rather all the time we will have with him.

As an expectant mother I may not need to be helped out of the car or supported when feeling anxious about a pregnancy, but I do need help in the long wait until baby Wee comes home. There are tough days thinking about the remaining five months until we get the call that he is coming. I need help rejoicing in his existence and what life will be like when we all get to hug him and meet him for the very first time.

*image provided by google images.

A Grant Recipient Story

2011-07-14T06:57:00.004-04:00

Hi…my name is Laurie and I’m infertile. My story could be a sad one because I don’t have the happy ending yet. But I’ve chosen to not see it that way.

Still single and 37, I decided that it was long enough to wait for the husband. I moved forward with trying to have the baby. If the husband happens, great. If not, life will go on. I couldn’t accept the same attitude about a baby and becoming a mom.

My doctors knew immediately that there might be a problem trying to get pregnant, but they were very optimistic that fertility drugs would solve what nature wasn’t doing correctly in my body.

At the appointment for my first IUI, my doctor even asked me if I wanted to skip the month, because I had so many mature egg follicles. “Are you prepared for multiples?” It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t get pregnant that first time. I didn’t.

For three years, I did everything possible to get pregnant – fertility yoga, abdominal massages, acupuncture, meditation, shots, vitamins, drinking black-strap molasses and eating only “warm” foods.

Three years later – after six IUIs, six IVFs, one IVF with donor eggs and one miscarriage – I was emotionally spent. At that point, I wrote the following in my journal:

My uterus is the place where healthy, viable embryos go to die. There is no other explanation. It really is the only explanation, and honestly, it's what I have to believe or I will think that there is something more I can do, something else I can try, when really I have to believe that I've done all I can and it's time to move on.

From that point on, I began my journey in international adoption, which I have discovered can be as unpredictable as my own body. What originally started as a 12- to 15-month wait has turned into a 22- to 28-month wait.

While I am hopeful that an adoption from Ethiopia will still work out, I cannot count on it. The instability and uncertainty in the Ethiopia process have convinced me to be more proactive in pursuing my dream to be a mom, and I have recently started the necessary steps for domestic adoption.

And so as I said at the beginning, this could be a sad story. But I choose to not look at only the things I’ve lost – the chance to carry a child – but also the things that I’ve learned and gained.

I’ve learned that I’m stronger and more stubborn than I ever thought possible. I am infertile. But I am also invincible.

I’ve learned not to take it personally when my siblings and close friends don’t ask how things are going. That perhaps because infertility and adoption are foreign concepts in my family, they don’t know what to say for comfort and support. And I’ve learned which friends are there through thick, thin and tears.

I’ve gained a circle of friends who, without this experience, I wouldn’t have met. Strong, amazing women who have been through the same struggles, who have the same fears I have.

I’ve gained patience. Tremendous patience as I waited for the next cycle of fertility drugs to start, waited the 16 days for the blood test, waited for background checks to come in and paperwork to be filed, and most importantly, as I wait for my child.

And every day, as I still think about what I’ve lost, I think more about what I have to gain, what I have waiting for me down the road.

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Laurie works in the Office of Marketing Communications at Ithaca College. She loves books and baseball, and can't wait to turn her child into a Yankees fan. She is a recent recipient of a Parenthood for Me grant.

Thank you for sharing your story.

*image provided by Jeffrey Schlaefer

Feeling Life

2011-07-06T08:09:00.003-04:00

I had never felt a pregnant woman's belly. I never wanted to be one of those people that feel the need to invade a pregnant woman's space. But touching a pregnant belly and feeling the growing life inside has been too painful for me. I never asked to feel a baby kick or see if I could feel the feet pressing themselves up against the uterine wall. These precious moments touched too close to my inner loss and pain.

When there are sonogram pictures, I briefly glance but not long enough to see the growing life. I am brought back to the pictures we have of our three embryos on day 3 of their life. The only life we created together. Embryos that did not survive.

When my friend became pregnant, I told her I wanted to live vicariously through her and learn about her pregnancy. I gave her my What to Expect... book. She would fill me in on what was going on month to month. It was nice to hear her speak of this monumental experience in her life. I pushed through my feelings of loss and separated the conversations into her experience, having nothing to do with my lack of experience.

Nearly every day my thoughts turn to infertility. Sometimes the thoughts are of acceptance. Others I cry my eyes out. I have prepared myself for these moments of acceptance and grief knowing that they are a part of my life.

Another good friend is pregnant, and for the first time ever I asked her if I could feel the baby. Through weeping eyes I explained that I had never touched a pregnant woman's belly. I wanted to know what it was like. Even if I never touch my own pregnant belly, I want to understand the miracle of pregnancy.

This moment was a rite of passage for my very long and painful experience of infertility. I was proud of myself for opening my mind and not allowing my own grief to make me lose out on being involved in loved one's pregnancies. The process has been an evolution.

Nearly 7 years into trying to conceive I am still learning and growing. I continue to try and focus on all that wonderful things in my life and accept that pregnancy is not something in my life's plan. However, my boys are a dream come true. I cannot imagine who I would be if I was not an adoptive mother. For every loss and sad feeling that overcomes me, I look at my son and smile. His hugs can cure all and his smile makes everything better.

The Wait Game for Adoptive Parents

2011-07-01T08:52:00.002-04:00

My husband and I are adopting again and waiting for our son to come home from S. Korea. We were matched on February 14. Just like the first time we adopted, the phone call telling us we would be parents to a baby boy came unexpectedly quick and was a thrill beyond belief.

We were warned that the wait time for this adoption would be longer. There is a lot of paperwork and processing through both governments to get the baby cleared to leave their birth country and bring them to the United States. We are anticipating his arrival in December. However, we are also preparing ourselves for delays.

When we were matched with Min in November 2007, the anticipated arrival time was four months. March came and went along with his first birthday and Mother's Day. The delay was excruciating. We just wanted to meet him and have him in his home. His room was all ready, the toys were put together, clothes all washed and in the dresser. Finally on June 3, 2008 we met our son for the first time, and all the months of waiting washed away.

This time around I have tried to parallel the adoptive parent's wait with a pregnancy. The anticipation of the birth of a baby's is similar. As the months go on anxiety builds and everyone just wants the baby to be born.

Adopting internationally offers a different type of wait because our son is alive, thriving, and making many milestones that we are not there to witness. We have a few pictures but hardly any details about his progress. We know he is being well taken care of and that does help, but it is hard thinking of him every day wondering what he is doing. Baby Wee turned one May 10. He will be about 18 months when he comes home.

Min is very excited about being a big brother and he mentions Baby Wee almost daily. I cannot wait for him to have his brother home. I know he will do a great job and help make our little son's transition home easier. Min is very loving and always wants to help. He will embrace his new brother and teach him things. Seeing their relationship is one more reason why the wait this time seems more difficult.

Time always flies by in hindsight. We have many things to do around the house in preparation for a baby to be here. We have to paint the boys rooms. Min is moving to a "big boy" room and Baby Wee will have his current bedroom. I have to wash all of Min's baby clothes and reassemble the crib. The baby gates are somewhere in the attic along with the pack and play.

It will be amazing to get all of theses items out, dust them off, and see our Baby Wee in our home forever.

Many Hands Make Light Work

2011-06-08T13:08:00.016-04:00

Since inception Parenthood for Me has been made up of a board of directors. AJ and I are the founders but without the help of many people, PFM would not be where it is today.

I would like to take the time to mention all those who have sat on the board since we became an official non-profit corporation in January of 2009.

Beth Brownstein- 2009
Mark Gunther- 2009-2010
Sally Bacchetta- 2009-2010
Deborah Wittenberg- 2009-2010
Elaine Pelissier- 2009-2010
Jerry Furciniti- 2010

The following are current board members volunteering their time to our worthy cause.

Charles Montante, MS, CASAC, NCACII, LMHC
Board Chairman

Chuck is Vice President of Clinical Services at Westfall Associates. Chuck has 36 years’ experience in the chemical dependency and mental health fields, having worked in schools, community based agencies, inpatient facilities and outpatient treatment agencies.

Chuck and his wife Suzanne have three children, Carrie 29, Danielle 27, and Jonathan 24. The Montantes split their residences between their home in Rochester and their cottage on the St. Lawrence in Clayton, New York.

Kevin J. Mulcahy
Vice-President

Kevin grew up in Hamlin, NY and has 2 sisters. He is the owner of a landscape and design company in Rochester, NY. He and his wife, Elena have two boys ages 10 and 7. Kevin is involved in many community activities and volunteers his time in youth sports.

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Robert F. Spatola, Jr., CPA
Treasurer

Rob graduated from St. Bonaventure University with both a Master’s and Bachelor's degree in Business Administration and is currently a manager with The Bonadio Group’s Small Business Advisory Group. Aside from his tenure with PFM, his community involvement includes a current board position with the National Kidney Foundation, past treasurer of Friendship Children’s Center and Junior Achievement volunteer. Rob and his wife, Megan have an 8 month old son.

Melissa Mulcahy

Melissa graduated from St. John Fisher College with a Bachelor's degree in Communications and a Master's degree in Human Service Administration. She is the Executive Director of CDS Unistel.

Abbey Naples

Abbey has her Bachelors Degree in Journalism / Mass Communications and a
Master’s Degree in Integrated Marketing Communications from St. Bonaventure University. She is currently an Account Executive, Research Services for Eric Mower and Associates.

Nancy Koris

Parenting After Infertility

2011-04-29T08:04:00.000-04:00

RESOLVE is celebrating National Infertility Awareness Week by asking people to Bust A Myth about infertility.

Myth: The pain of infertility is cured with parenthood.

I am an adoptive mother of one. My husband, AJ and I are also expecting another baby boy through international adoption. Our son, Min who is now 4 came home from S. Korea in June of 2008. Parenthood is a dream come true. We couldn't be happier with our little family, and it is very exciting to have a brother for our son. However, the very long and arduous journey to parenthood has left an imprint on my soul forever.

Infertility, the disease of infertility changes one's life. We tried for nearly 4 years to conceive through Assisted Reproductive Technology. I had an ectopic pregnancy, and shortly thereafter our attempts to get pregnant stopped. The financial and emotional toll were too much. We were faced with an extremely difficult question.

Will we ever be parents?

When you have to ask yourself this question because of circumstances out of your control, the words seem like those uttered by someone else. The thought makes your insides ache; the conversation surrounding your future life with or without children implodes a sadness beyond comprehension. I will never forget that period of time when every sight and sound of babies and families made tears sting my eyes. So many people were moving on with their lives and becoming parents, and we were alone with our grief. We were alone with our inability to plan for a pregnancy and enjoy telling our parents that they would be grandparents. We were missing out on so many important milestones.

Everything became about the word "if." If we have a child, we will use this room for the nursery. If I get pregnant, we won't be able to go on that vacation next year. If we become parents, teaching him or her how to play baseball, golf, or fish will be so wonderful.

"If" hung in the balance and was a constant reminder that we did not know what our future entailed as a couple or individuals.

When Min came home, a friend of mine said, "Now you're in the club." She meant the parenthood club. But I thought to myself, I'm in a lot of clubs. I was still infertile and without the experience of pregnancy. And it hurt.

Procreating is such a natural part of being human. When you are forced to come to terms with the fact that it may never happen, you are giving up a large piece of yourself. It’s a blow so unexpected it takes your breathe away. As a woman I feel like I will never be able to catch up in the circle of conversations that revolve around becoming a mom. When I get together with women, the first third of conversation regarding pregnancy, giving birth, breast feeding, swaddling an infant (my son came to us at 15 months), and deciphering if baby looks like mom or dad will forever elude me. I am different and always will be.

There are so many days when infertility escapes me, and I am simply happy to see my son grow into a little boy. I am planning the nursery for baby Wee's arrival. Having a child is a blessing no matter how they came into your life. But at 33 years old, still in child-bearing years and still surrounded by peers having babies and growing their families, I continually have to face the disappointment of infertility. The ability to grieve a loss and move on cannot take place because the loss is continual. The reminders turn up every where.

I work hard on finding peace with my situation. I may never experience pregnancy, but I am experiencing parenthood through a very special means. Unexpected circumstances brought our son home. Sifting through experiences of the past 7 years I find the hidden gifts bestowed upon us due to the struggle of infertility. My understanding of why AJ and I have been met with this challenge becomes clearer every day.

I am happy beyond words that all of those "if's" became a reality. I see the little socks strewn across my living room, sippy cup on the counter, and Min's pre-school backpack hanging on its hook and genuinely relish the moments. Infertility led me to the path of adoption, and I am so proud to be an adoptive parent. AJ and I feel so fortunate that our inability to conceive led us to our son, and the arrival of our second son is extremely exciting.

To quote the book “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Dr. Brian Weiss, MD, “Patience and timing. Everything comes when it must come. A life cannot be rushed, cannot be worked on a schedule as so many people want it to be. We must accept what comes to us at a given time, and not ask for more. Time is not as we see time but rather in lessons that are learned.”
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Click here to learn more about infertility.

Grant Cycle 2011

2011-04-27T07:31:00.002-04:00

Our grant cycle for 2011 is drawing to a close. Deadline for applications is May 1, 2011.

The grant review committee will begin working on the applications over the next 2 months.

The amount and number of grants is do be determined.

We gave away four $3000 grants in 2010.

Two were for adoption and two were for medical assistance.

If you applied, you will receive a letter stating whether or not you received a grant.

Best wishes to all. We wish we could help everyone.

Get to Know- Melissa Ford and Book Giveaway

2011-04-24T08:16:00.011-04:00

Melissa Ford is the author of the award-winning website, Stirrup Queens which was recognized by the Wall Street Journal as one of the top ten motherhood blogs. Melissa completed her MFA at the University of Massachusetts. She is an editor at BlogHer. Ford lives in Washington, D.C. with her husband, Joshua, and their twins.

I had the pleasure of meeting Melissa in June of 2009 at RESOLVE's Night of Hope Fundraiser. Stirrup-Queens and all the support it provides the Adoption, Loss, Infertility Community was an inspiration to me. Parenthood for Me was a brand new organization at the time and Melissa's support greatly helped spread the word of our foundation.

Melissa is author of the breakthrough book Navigating the Land of IF.

She also published her first novel Life from Scratch.

PFM is giving away a copy of Life from Scratch. See below for giveaway rules- VERY EASY.

Now the interview:

What is your history with infertility?

I was diagnosed with female-factor infertility back in 2002. My diagnosis came out over many years -- with one of the problems (two clotting disorders) only being diagnosed after the birth of the twins who we conceived on an IUI with injectables cycle.

How did your blog Stirrup Queens begin?

I started it when we returned to trying to add another child to our family, prior to starting treatments again. I had such a hard time emotionally the first time around, and Josh jokingly said that he wanted me to tell someone else my feelings so I didn't save them only for him at 11 pm at night. He helped me set up the blog. I also knew I wanted to write a book, and I wanted to use the blog to connect with other bloggers so they could contribute.

Did you ever imagine it would become such a phenomenon?

Not at all. I mean, I built what I wanted. And like many things, if one person wanted it, others might want it too. For instance, I wanted a blogroll broken down into categories, so I made it for myself. And if it already existed, it made sense to share it with others. And it turned out other people wanted that too. And that's how many parts of the site were built.

Were you always a professional writer? Did you always plan on writing and publishing a book?

I have an MFA, so I've always known that I wanted to write books. But writing a book and publishing a book are two separate beasts -- I wasn't always positive I would publish. I had stopped writing for a long time after we were diagnosed as infertile (actually, before the diagnosis, back when we knew something was wrong, but before we were diagnosed). I was simply too depressed to write. It was really important to me to keep writing this time around. Maybe some of that was about fixing something that I had let break the first time around. I really lost a huge piece of myself when I stopped writing back in 2001/2002. I didn't write again until 2004.

What do you think about how much the infertility community has changed in terms of support in just the past five years?

It's grown a lot, and with growth comes both more avenues for support AND fractured concentration of support. There are simply so many blogs these days that it's impossible to know every one and to keep up with everyone's stories. Luckily, niche communities pop up -- usually, it seems, based on when people came into the blogosphere more than diagnosis or situation. And within those smaller niches, you see the same support that existed 5 years ago when the blogosphere was smaller.

What are the biggest hurdles that remain for infertiles?

You mean beyond the outside world not really working with us towards the goal of making parenthood accessible to all? I think it's being a strong self-advocate. Also, the misinformation out there. The media seems to love a good fear-based story, and the general public gets a lot of their information from the media rather than self-experience.

Do you have more projects in mind to help the ALI community?

I always have projects in mind. I'm glad people embrace and race forward with me, trying out new things. I love to recreate that feeling of community in the face-to-face world on an online space.

LIFE FROM SCRATCH GIVEAWAY-
To win "Life from Scratch"

Follow this blog

Tweet about book giveaway if you are on Twitter

"Like" the Parenthood for Me.org page on Facebook.

Leave a comment here or email info@parenthoodforme.org

Runner-up will win a long sleeve Parenthood for Me t-shirt.

Giveaway open until Sunday, May 1, 2011. A winner will be chosen randomly. Please make sure there is away to contact you if you are the winner.

*picture of Melissa provided by Mary Gardella

Get To Know- Guest Author

2011-04-21T04:08:00.003-04:00

My name is Kim and I have been a member of the infertility community for nearly nine years. My husband and I threw out the birth control pills a month after our wedding and will soon be celebrating our ninth wedding anniversary, just the two of us. My emotions surrounding infertility have evolved as I’ve grown older.

At the start I was in a lonely, quiet panic - one that must be kept a secret, for admitting one's infertility is like admitting you’re a sexual failure or something equal to it. I felt guilty and somehow thought it was my fault - perhaps I didn’t pray hard enough to be heard, didn’t eat well enough to be healthy, wasn’t relaxed enough to get pregnant.

In my mid-twenties infertility became an issue to overcome in alternative ways. Increasing restlessness and the pursuit of major achievements became my way of coping. Maybe a doctorate degree, joining the Peace Corps, teaching overseas will give me my purpose? Perhaps an all raw food diet, eliminating dairy and meat, drinking herbal concoctions might be the solution? Alas, none of those things or the mere pursuit of them has helped, resulting in unfinished projects and a continued sense of failure.

Then I turned 29 years old, a year before 30, and I was no longer able to ignore the fruitless attempts to quiet the desperate desires of my heart. Off to the world of reproductive endocrinologists I went with a smile of satisfaction on my face that this would be the answer to my problem. The doctor said to me upon my first visit that he would see me pregnant “within six months”. Yeah... right.

For the past eight of those infertility years I have felt utterly and entirely alone and isolated - left to deal with my anger, worry, anxiety, and frustration on my own. And then I went online.

I have noticed that this epiphany is one that many in the infertility community experience. We feel isolation, the loss of former friendships, social anxiety, frustration, ignored (and its ugly stepsister, ignorance), and then for the lucky ones, we find a community of individuals who understand and support us. For me, the community I found was Resolve’s online forum, “Inspire”. Through this site, I have built friendships, celebrated successes, mourned losses, received advice and offered some to those who needed it. For the first time, I felt fully supported and realized that I was not the only one; my experiences were shared by many.

While being an active part in this community, I began to notice themes. I’ll bet if you visit Inspire, you will see some of these themes on the homepage news feed on any given day - loss of important friendships, best friends behaving like Momzillas, family members being insensitive, and along with those things, further isolation and loneliness.

It was because of these continuing themes that I decided, with the strong encouragement of other infertile online friends, that our community needed a way to socialize that could be safe (from ignorance), fun (opposite of infertility), and promoted new friendships. This is how The Ladies in Waiting Book Club came to be.

The Ladies in Waiting Book Club is a book club for (mostly) women who are experiencing the many losses those with infertility face. We are a diverse group of individuals experiencing: primary infertility, secondary infertility, pregnancy loss, pregnancy after ART, donor reproduction, childlessness, and adoption. We gather online together daily to discuss books we have chosen (both infertility related and not), share related ideas (recipes, music, art, crafts, humor, to name a few), and make new friends.

The Ladies in Waiting Book Club is strong in its support and advocacy. We support each other through contests and giveaways, participating as a united front during National Infertility Awareness Week, (April 24-30) and giving voice to new authors in the infertility community.

The Ladies in Waiting Book Club has been my way of giving back to my infertility community which, for the first time, gave me the kind of hope, friendship, and unwavering support I had so desperately needed.

Visit Kim's blog to learn more. The Ladies in Waiting Bookclub.

2011 Annual Gala

2011-04-14T20:09:00.016-04:00

Parenthood for Me Annual Gala

Our 2011 Annual Gala held April 2 was a magical night. 109 guests came to support Parenthood for Me and those dreaming of parenthood and family. We had a wonderful silent auction filled with many different donated items including Red Sox tickets, artwork, concert tickets, a spa overnight, and flat screen TV. A huge thank you to CNY Fertility and Healing Arts, our headline sponsor for the second year in a row. We raised $17,000- over 100% increase since last year's gala. Thank you to everyone who helped make this accomplishment possible. We are accepting applications until May 1, 2011 for this year's grant cycle. Visit the website for more details- http://www.parenthoodforme.org/

The event started at 6:30 with cocktail hour meet and greet and time to bid on the silent auction. Dinner was served at 8 and the program began at 9:00.

All board members were recognized:

Charles Montante- Chairman

Erica Schlaefer- President

Kevin Mulcahy- Vice President

Rob Spatola- Treasurer

Jerry Furciniti

Nancy Koris

Melissa Mulcahy

Abbey Naples

Our honorary guests were the Wetherald Family who received a grant last year. Mr. Wetherald wanted to say a few words that night explaining how they came to be adoptive parents. I wish I could share the entire speech with you as it was very touching. I found out that when they received the call that they were a grantee, the call could not have come at a better time. They were trying to pool together the last few thousand dollars for their trip to China. Just when they thought that they would have to push the trip another month to collect money, our Chairman called to tell them they were receiving a grant. They were able to pick up their son.

We also honored Dr. Eberhard Muechler with the 2011 Commitment to Excellence Award. He was the first doctor to perform in vitro fertilization in Rochester at the University of Rochester Medical Center. He spent 43 years assisting couples in becoming parents. Dr. Muechler is a warm, funny, and caring man. It has been such a pleasure getting to know him. I also wish I could share his entire speech with you. But I must mention that his opening paragraph said that when asked to receive our award, he was placed in a tough spot because Prince William had invited him to the royal wedding as well and he had to decline to come to our gala. What a great sense of humor! The inaugural Commitment to Excellence Award went to our Vice President, Kevin Mulcahy for his dedication to building Parenthood for Me. My speech was short but expressed my gratitude for all those who helped to make Parenthood for Me such a great success in just 2 years.

Since infertility became a part of my life I have learned many lessons about the hidden gifts bestowed from enduring difficult times. Becoming an adoptive parent and being forced to fight for parenthood has opened up my life in countless ways.

Starting a nonprofit with the help of my husband AJ and many different people who were already in my life at the time and who came into my may just be the most rewarding experience of my life next to being a mother. The human kindness I have witnessed since starting this foundation never ceases to amaze me. It started with a new friend taking me to dinner and sharing her wisdom of the nonprofit world with me. When she handed me $100 dollars and claimed it as her donation, I was brought to tears. Practically a stranger she gave me something more than money but the claim that she believed in me and what I was fighting for.

I am still in shock at the response I have received nationwide due to starting Parenthood for Me. The support from strangers and people I will never meet in real life. The kind words, the respect and admiration for doing something that I believe in. Those who have stepped forward either because they too have suffered through infertility or because they opened their heart to those struggling to have a family.

There was a time when I simply did not understand the challenge of not being able to conceive a child. It’s a blow so unexpected it takes your breathe away. Procreating is such a natural part of being human. When you are forced to come to terms with the fact that it may never happen, you are giving up a large piece of yourself. However, the hole left in my heart has been filled beyond capacity. I receive emails daily thanking me for following through on an idea and making it happen. I try to explain that I could never have done this on my own. I could never have followed through with the idea that came to AJ and I one night after our son had been home for a few months. The board of directors, the professionals that help set up the corporation, each person that tweeted, blogged, and told their friends about PFM have helped this organization grow so fast. I feel extremely lucky for many reasons. I am surrounded by wonderful people. I have a beautiful son and am proud to say AJ and I are expecting another baby boy from Korea in December.

But at the ripe age of 31 I found my place in this world. I began to understand why I am here, my purpose. Who knows exactly why I was able to take my difficult times and make them into something positive. But forming this organization and giving back has given me an inner peace that many search for their entire lives.

To quote the book “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Dr. Brian Weiss, MD, “Patience and timing. Everything comes when it must come. A life cannot be rushed, cannot be worked on a schedule as so many people want it to be. We must accept what comes to us at a given time, and not ask for more. Time is not as we see time but rather in lessons that are learned.” Thank you for your support. You are helping a fledgling nonprofit take flight. You are laying the ground work for hundreds of people to receive a gift of hope that parenthood is possible.

Erica, Dr. Muechler, and Abbey Naples

Erica and AJ Schlaefer- Founders

Thank you to all donors and sponsors. You can find them listed on our website.

We look forward to announcing our 2011 grantees.

To donate to Parenthood for Me click here.

Parenthood for Me on TV

2011-04-04T20:07:00.005-04:00

Please watch our segment on the Rochester program,"Many Voices, Many Visions."

Erica and Dr. Eberhard Muechler speak together about Parenthood for Me and Dr. Muechler's history as a Reproductive Endocrinologist in Rochester, NY. Dr. Muechler performed the very first IVF procedure at the University of Rochester Medical Center. He spent 43 years helping couples become parents a fulfill their dreams of family. Dr. Muechler was the recipient of the 2011 Commitment to Excellence Award.

There are 2 different links. First segment- Erica speaks about history of PFM.- click here. Second segment with Dr. Muechler- click here.

The annual gala was a huge success! More details to follow.

2011-03-26T21:45:00.000-04:00

Thank you to the headline sponsor of our annual gala.

Read their article here.

Parenthood for Me on TV

2011-03-22T21:57:00.001-04:00

Watch our segment on Rochester's morning new.

Parenthood for Me on 13WHAM CW.

Scroll down and look for PFM on left side.

Gala April 2.

Thanks, Jennifer!

Possible Mandated IF Coverage in Maine

2011-03-21T15:47:00.002-04:00

Representative Gary Knight has sponsored a bill that seeks to mandate insurance coverage for infertility patients in the state of Maine.

The Maine legislature has put LD 720 on the hearing docket a week from today. The public hearing is Wednesday, March 23 at 1:00pm in room 220 at the Maine State House. Time will be allotted for brief, personal testimony. If this bill is going to get any kind of support from the rest of the Maine legislature, it is critical that at least 20-30 people show up to this public hearing.

Please visit Hannah Wept Sarah Laughed for more detailed information.

Click here for link to details about bill.

Parenthood for Me Annual Gala

2011-03-21T07:33:00.009-04:00

The Second Annual Parenthood for Me Annual Gala is coming up April 2, 2011.

We are expecting a great turn out and have many people to thank

so far for their sponsorships and donations.

A full list will be available on our website- http://www.parenthoodforme.org/

Also find us on Facebook- Parenthood for Me.org

We are excited to meet our honorary guests, a 2010 grantee.

Dr. Muechler

We will also be awarding Dr. Eberhard Muechler, MD with the Commitment to Excellence.

He is the pioneer of in vitro fertilization at the University of Rochester Medical Center.

He enjoyed a 43 year career assisting couples in their pursuit of parenthood.

Tickets are still available. To purchase email events@parenthoodforme.org

Here are some pictures from last year's event.

AJ and I getting ready to leave.

The 2010 Board of Directors

Board member, Melissa Mulcahy and volunteers Megan and Dana.

Me and Vice President, Kevin Mulcahy

Chairman of the Board, Chuck Montante

Thanks to Heather Cicione Photography!

The Company in Misery

2011-02-10T17:27:00.005-05:00

No one wants to go through tough times. Even all the b.s. about hindsight and growing from difficult situations doesn't make painful experiences any less painful.

I believe whole heartedly the obstacles that are thrown in our way are what makes us who we are. Or rather, how we handle those obstacles is what shapes us. But sometimes wouldn't it be nice to think of smooth sailing?

It would be at this point that the figure of optimism pops up on my left shoulder, not unlike the angel equivolant and says," Every difficult thing in life can be turned into a positive. It's all in how you look at things."

In the next second the pessimistic downer frowns and proclaims, "No. This just sucks."

Sometimes it simply takes too much energy to think positively when your spirit is crushed.

Hopefully the gift of time can allow perspective. It did for me, thankfully.

In the past week I have been reminded several times of how many wonderful people have come into my life since starting PFM. Infertility and all it entails has definitely been awful.
But my perspective has changed and I do not struggle so immensely to understand why "having" a family created such a devastatingly difficult experience.

I am still amazed at how sharing a similar struggle strikes an instant commonality. Misery doesn't love company, but it sure as heck can make you feel better. Knowing you're not alone in anything somehow takes the edge off. Perhaps it's because you see that someone else who is struggling with the same predicament is still getting by.

They are still waking up in the morning, going to work, laughing, eating pizza rolls, folding laundry, and putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe being around someone who is struggling or has struggled from a similar situation is helpful because when you are down, their companionship through understanding can get you by. And, when you're both hearing the voice of pessimism at least you don't have to expend much energy explaining why things suck. It's simply understood.

What I'm trying to say is that I am grateful for all of the people I have met. I hate that there are so many people struggling and feeling pain because having a baby or babies has posed such an unpredictably hard endeavor. But without infertility and motherhood through adoption I would be missing out on some really great friendships- relationships on all levels that have played such a poignant part in the re-shaping of my presupposed adult life.

Infertility changed my path. It does not define me, however it is hard for me to picture any life other than this one. The one where I get to fulfill my passion for writing ( I tried to get a book of poems published at age 8. Thanks Mrs. T!), develop the career that I love, see my baby grow every day, appreciate the little things in life, and understand that tough times are just one part of life.

Here's the optimistic chant for you: things do work out. Some how, some way.

I'm still figuring it all out and I'd like to think that I will have the foresight to realize that if I'm still figuring it all out in my 80's, then I'm still learning- about myself, others, and the wonderment of life.

Get To Know

2011-02-06T19:06:00.005-05:00

Dawn Davenport

Dawn Davenport is a leading expert on adoption, infertility and orphan care and host of the top-rated radio show on adoption and infertility in the U.S.— Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption and Infertility.

She is the Executive Director of Creating a Family, a nonprofit providing education for adoption and infertility. Creating a Family has won awards for excellence from both the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption. The radio show won the International Infertility in the Media award in 2010.

Davenport is the author of, The Complete Book of International Adoption and has published in national and regional publications, including Conceive Magazine, the Christian Science Monitor, and USA Today. She is interviewed frequently on radio and TV. Her research has been featured on CBS News 60 Minutes and People Magazine. Ms. Davenport has served as a background consultant to CBS News 60 Minutes and ABC News Primetime Live.

Q: How did Creating a Family begin? And when?
A: The radio show, Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption and Infertility, started in Oct. 2007 and the website Oct. 2006.

Q: Are there many people who work for Creating A Family?
A: We try to run a lean ship to make the best use of our resources. We have 4 people who work in varying capacities—most part time and one person completely volunteers his time because he believes in our mission.

Q: How do you receive your information and resources for radio shows, etc.?
A: We are never at a loss for show ideas. If I’m curious about something, I figure others are as well. More and more of our show ideas are coming from our audience.

Q: What is the biggest challenge of running a nonprofit?
A: Money. I’m sorry to say this, but it’s true. As much as I’d love to run Creating a Family just on our passion to help, it does take money. The biggest challenge is finding this money.

Q: What are your goals for CAF?
A: Our goals are to continue to reach others who are considering adoption, or have already adopted, or are in the midst of infertility. Our mission is education and support. The more people we reach with our radio show, videos, or website resources, the better our mission is being accomplished. We try to be the one place where people can get unbiased accurate information on the different ways to create a family.

Q: What is your favorite part about running CAF?
A: I love doing the radio show. I am a curious person and getting to ask questions to the biggest experts in any field is like eating an ice cream sundae for me each and every week. I also really love talking with people individually during a consultation. Education can be on the macro level, such as our radio shows and videos, or on the micro level, such as a one on one consultation. I enjoy both forms of education immensely.

Q: Do you have a particular memory of when you remember the mission being fulfilled? A: Many people have been very kind to send email or letters thanking us for what we do. I am touched deeply every time I receive one. We include some of these on the right hand side of the Radio Page and Consulting page.

Q: Have you seen an understanding of adoption and infertility grow in our society?
A: I do think we are getting our core messages out on both adoption and infertility. Families formed through adoption and adopted people still face prejudice and ignorance, but the more we educate, the less they face. The infertile also face such ignorance and lack of understanding, but again, at least they have a community of support at Creating a Family so they do not have to face it alone.

Please visit the Creating A Family website for further information and radio show topics and times.

Grant Cycle 2011

2011-02-04T17:04:00.004-05:00

Parenthood for Me is now accepting grant applications for the 2011 grant cycle.

We ask that you please read the FAQ page before requesting an application.

Click here to read specifics about each type of grant.

Deadline is May 1, 2011.

*Please note that you cannot apply for both a medical grant and an adoption grant from Parenthood for Me in the same grant cycle.

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PFM is thrilled that so many people across the country are aware of our mission.

We look forward to awarding more grants in July of this year.

Please keep in mind that without the help of donations we cannot continue to offer grants to prospective parents. Any donation, no matter how small makes a difference.

Click here to reach our donation page.

You can help in other ways as well.

We will assist you in holding a fundraiser in your community.

If you have someone in mind who may be interested in a Partnership Package (sponsorship opportunity) with Parenthood for Me, please email us- info@parenthoodforme.org

We are a 501 c(3) tax exempt charity.

Donations are tax deductible.

"What a difference it makes to come home to a child."

-Margaret Fuller

Revisiting Old News

2011-01-19T12:57:00.006-05:00

Last week as I drove to work it hit me like a punch to the gut- I can't have a baby. I will never get pregnant. I will never create a child with my husband. I will never know what that is like.

How after six years of dealing with why this does my brain continually seem to blank out? How does this already-known fact pop into my head as if for the first time? Why do I have to keep reliving this very painful news over and over and over again?

Infertility for most people leaves an open wound because one is constantly having to revisit their pain. My husband and I have never been told that we cannot conceive. I have not lost my tubes, he has viable sperm- the bottom line is that it could happen. It's just that the odds are stacked heavily against us. We are not able to move on mentally and emotionally because the possibility is still there, even if it is small.

Because of our age we are surrounded by people who are having children. Even though my own grief has subsided substantially since becoming a mother, I still have extremely difficult moments. Every time I hear of a pregnancy my insides ache. My heart hurts. It may only last a few moments, but the pain always comes.

I realize that until my peer group is out of child-bearing years and onto raising adolescents and teen-agers I will have to continually fight my own grief. I feel separated from my peer group because I cannot have a family in the traditional way. I cannot relate to sonograms, finding out the sex of the baby, seeing the baby grow, birth stories, and holding your newborn baby. These conversations elude me, and I will never be able to fully particpate nor understand what all those things feel like.

It hurts.

"Having" children or reproducing is such a primal thing. It's in our flesh and bones. Carrying on our genes, creating children with a spouse is part of human existence. When you cannot fulfill that very expected and natural desire, there is a huge sense of loss. It is a loss that has taken a piece of me with it. It is a loss that has impacted my entire life- some ways are good and some are very challenging.

When that feeling of complete and utter solace and heartache comes over me, I focus on what I do have. Being a mother to Min is such an amazing experience. And those who are not adoptive parents could never understand what life is like for my husband and I. We love and adore him like any parent loves their child, but the way we became a family is different and unique.
And no matter how much my heart hurts over never experiencing pregnancy, I will never have regret because this difficult path has led me to a motherhood I never would have imagined.

But grief and loss are a part of life. Each day is a challenge for many different reasons. We all have difficult things to deal with in our lives. Focusing on the beautiful moments, the precious time with my growing boy, and appreciating that although life is hard, it is a gift help me to get by.

Infertility is one part of my life. It has closed some doors for me but created an infinite number of rare and wonderful opportunities. Knowing this does help me get through the difficult days. Although I feel sad at times, I am full of great joy because I have the opportunity to be the mother to my son.

Factor In

2011-01-05T19:15:00.004-05:00

Infertility is a couples' condition, and can be attributed to either partner. Once considered purely a "female problem," infertility science has historically placed little emphasis on the role of the male. Approximately 1/3 of infertile couples have a purely male-factor cause, 1/3 are related to the female, and another third are infertile due to combined male and female factors.

Here is a look at the experience of infertility from a male's perspective.
Thank you to *Sam and his wife for sharing their story.

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Infertility is one of the most difficult obstacles I have ever had to face. It afflicts so many, but yet it seems like so few because it is terribly isolating and painful to experience first hand. I’m writing this with hope that someone will be able to identify with my experience and find the strength to tackle infertility head on and know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. My wife and I struggled with infertility for years, and I am happy to say that we have a positive outcome; we are now proud parents of a little boy from South Korea. Plus, we have been matched with another little boy that we expect to come home early next summer! To say that adoption has changed our lives for the better would be a profound understatement.

I’m getting ahead of myself a bit; I’ll start at the beginning. My wife and I went through several rounds of fertility treatments, which is to say that we have been poked and prodded to the point where we felt like cattle being hustled through the system. I’ll never forget my first trip to the andrology lab for a “male work-up.” That makes it sound much more glamorous than it actually is. You sit in a cold, clinical waiting room where you feel everyone’s eyes burning holes in you while you wonder if they know what you are about to do back there. Fortunately, after the first time it gets much easier. After a couple of cycles, you end up walking in there like you own the joint.

“Hey Linda, good to see you again, but hopefully this is the last time.”

We started with intrauterine insemination's (IUI) complemented with clomid and ovidrel. This process is like an arms race with infertility, gradually escalating until one of you blinks. For us this first step is where things started getting complicated. It started with a cyst on my wife’s ovary (not uncommon with clomid). She was in extreme pain both physically and emotionally and we waited for it to resolve itself. When we started back up, we tried a natural IUI (no drugs), and got pregnant! Unfortunately, we miscarried after just six days.

Unbeknownst to us, my wife had a silent case of raging endometriosis that came roaring to life with the introduction of clomid. Very quickly our focus shifted from growing our family to bringing my wife back to health. This was awful. Infertility is a strain on your relationship as it is; you really have to be a team and rely on one another for support. The emotional roller coaster of hope and despair can be debilitating. When my wife started showing severe symptoms of endometriosis, it was almost too much. First it was infertility, then the miscarriage, now this. We had a lot of guilt, mostly because we didn’t listen to out gut instincts. We jumped right to the drugs. It is so easy to get caught up in the statistics and how adding this or doing that can increase your chances. Needless to say, it was a very trying time for us.

The pain got so bad that two or three days a month my wife would be in bed in unbelievable agony. That was torture for both of us- obviously physically for her, but it was incredibly difficult for me to stand there helpless watching the love of my life writhe in agony. This went on for several months before my wife finally had laparoscopic surgery to clean out the disease. Her doctor said it was one of the worst cases of endometriosis that he had ever seen. This was when we started considering what we were willing to risk to have a baby, and when we started to realize what we really wanted was to be parents.

Our doctor said that our only meaningful chance of conceiving a biological child was to pursue in vitro fertilization. Unlike so many, the money wasn’t a problem for us because my wife’s insurance would cover three rounds of IVF. But the more we researched the procedure and the powerful drugs it entailed, the more we realized that it just wasn’t worth the risk to my wife’s health. I just couldn’t stand to see her struggle with the bouts of pain from that god-awful disease again. No, it wasn’t worth it to me to face that again.

The decision to adopt was hard for me initially. I had virtually no exposure to adoption so it was difficult for me to wrap my brain around at first. My moment of clarity came one night after work when my wife and I attended an information session hosted by a local non-profit on international adoption. I still remember the couple that spoke- the father was rugged and sported long hair and tattoos, and the mom was pleasant and petite- an ordinary family that you could find in just about any town across the country. I remember how he described their struggle with infertility, how they made the decision to adopt, and then finally about when their son came home. He got choked up, and I could just feel the love in his voice as he continued on about how happy they were to be a family. I still get emotional thinking back to that night and their story. I read all the books, articles, webpages, etc. relating to infertility and adoption, but this guy was what finally broke through to me. To me all of the information out there seems to be focused on the female experience. I guess as men, we’re supposed to be rocks and just suck it up. I think what makes infertility such a painful struggle is that the ability to reproduce is one of the most basic elements of life. When it doesn’t work, it really shakes you to the core.

When we finally made the decision to adopt, we didn’t do it begrudgingly, or thought of it as a back-up plan. It actually was a relief. We felt a tremendous weight lift off our shoulders because we now had a plan and could focus on building our family and not risk my wife’s health in a desperate struggle with an uncertain outcome.

We found a great agency that works exclusively with South Korea. The information gathering process for the application was daunting, but we had a renewed sense of resolve. We were matched to a little boy a couple of weeks after we completed our home study, and our son came home just 6 months after that on Christmas Eve! Our wait was exceptionally difficult because it turned out to be twice as long as we had initially expected. The wait is tough. You can only rearrange the nursery, and double-check your inventory of onsies so many times. But when that travel call finally comes, it sets in- your child is coming home! All of our impatience and pain transformed instantly to excitement and joy. Looking back, I can now unequivocally say that infertility has had a positive impact on my life, and I bet my wife would say the same thing too.

I often think back to that night of the information session and wonder if that guy has any idea just how profound the impact of his story has been in my life. I understand now how happy they were and how blessed we are to have our son in our lives. I tend to be an optimist in life, and believe that struggle and pain help us appreciate all of our blessings. I thank God for infertility because without it I wouldn’t have my son, nor would I have the same perspective on life and just how sweet the words “love you dada” sound.

Along our journey, when we encountered particularly disappointing news, we found strength from others who had been through this and come out the other side. Their experiences and outcomes provided us with the hope and strength we needed to continue forward. I know how hard this, but keep the faith; it really is worth every single tear that falls along the way.

I would like to give a big thank you to Erica for her hard work and vision, without which Parenthood For Me would not exist. It truly is an amazing organization. Thank you too for allowing me to share my story.

*name changed for privacy

Misunderstanding Miscarriage

2011-01-03T10:22:00.002-05:00

Awhile back I wrote a post called Misunderstanding Miscarriage.
I am attempting to write another post on the subject and would love your input.

Often times miscarriage is dismissed and not recognized as a significant loss. Did you experience this? Or did you feel support from those in your life?

Many times people to know what to say to a couple who has experienced miscarriage. They either say nothing at all or something that seems insensitive.

What is helpful to those experiencing loss from miscarriage?

I would love to hear from you.
Email me: info (at) parenthoodforme (dot) org

Human Kindness

2010-12-24T10:54:00.004-05:00

In the spirit of the holiday season

please take a minute to read this very touching article.

It is an affirmation that love, kindness, and tolerance do change our lives.

I could not get through it without crying.

Click here for article.

A New Chapter

2010-12-16T11:57:00.003-05:00

The first blog I authored was named "The Fine Print." Starting that journal changed my life. After AJ and I decided to adopt I wanted a place to log our journey to parenthood. Eventually the posts became a place to educate on infertility and adoption. Then I found myself pouring out entries about the prior 3 years and all the heartache.
Because "The Fine Print" found its way onto computers of those I didn't know, I felt I had an obligation to continue telling our story- the good, bad and ugly.

The fact that I could write something and give support to another person made me feel useful. It made me feel like my struggles meant something. This all led to the development of Parenthood for Me.

Ideas evolved. The plan unfolded.

I decided to close "The Fine Print" because that chapter of my life was over. I also wanted to protect my son from the exposure of the internet. I chose to tell my story but his story is his to tell. It was hard to end my first blog but PFM was born and I had a new and exciting place to log my thoughts, experiences, and stories of others.

Two years later I find myself in the same position. I will never forget when I found Stirrup-Queens, Weebles Wobblog and countless other blogs. This community has been my saving grace. Without the support of THE blogroll and those who have read my posts, forwarded links, donated to PFM, and commented our organization would not have grown so rapidly. My admiration is in abundance for all of the men and women who have supported Parenthood for Me. My cup runneth over.

However, it is time for Parenthood for Me to stand on its own. My story is no longer what PFM needs but the stories of hundreds of people we will help. Their stories, your stories are what will make people stand up and take notice of PFM's mission- to build families.

This blog will always be here as a forum for education, support, news, and stories. Keep us on your blog roll, remain a follower, forward our link. PFM's blog will simply take on a new format with great things in store like guest authors, a co-author, giveaways, and all the exciting things that our charity will be able to do for people out there who need help.

I will still be around writing about my own experience with adoption, infertility, motherhood and life. Please visit my new blog- Motherhood Meets Me.

I have yet to put up the first post. But, please become a follow and put me on your blog roll. I don't want to miss out any of your stories and I look forward to beginning this new chapter of my life with your support.

Thank you for reading. And thank you for continuing to support Parenthood for Me and following. My dream of making a difference in the lives of those who simply want to be parents or have the family they desire would have dissipated without you.

It takes a village to do a lot of things in life.

Merry Christmas. May you find peace wherever you are in life.

Erica

Oreos or Maternity Pants

2010-12-07T23:10:00.009-05:00

When my 3 year old tells me we have to go the "the Tar.get" every time we are in the car, you know I have a problem shopping at this very appealing retail center way too much.

I have tried other stores like Marsh.alls and Wal.mart, but there just is not the same happy feeling from the brightly colored decor and many different departments where I can indulge in new underware, shoes, holiday housewares, and snacks. What an ingenious concept. I understand the rules of marketing. I am not oblivious to the reason why retailers put end-caps at the register with batteries, gum, water, and hand sanitizer- last minute purchases that we think we must have.

That being said I know that Tar.get is "targeting" women as their number one consumer. This is why the purses, scarves, and clothing are positioned in the first section of the store. After entering the double automatic doors and forging past the $1.00 section of goodies with way too much stuff I don't need, I should go against the grain and turn right- roll by where the shampoo and greeting cards make their humble home.

It never happens.

Today I went in to buy area rugs for my back door. Two mornings in a row of stepping in freezing cold, watery puddles left by my husband's boots in my half awake bare feet are enough for me. This should have been an easy 10 minute trip. Yeah. I don't even lie to myself anymore.

"You're just going to buy the rugs and get the hell out of there."

Nope. I knew that I would do some Christmas shopping for those on my list and for the things on my own list like a cute shirt, decorations, or cookies.

Anyway, the point of my story is that I always look at the clothes when I patronize "the Tar.get." Today was no different. I take my too-big-shopping cart for the one item I am supposed to be buying and wrestle my way through the clothing aisles. Luckily I did not see anything too appealing. Of course, I could have bought something. C'mon that ruffled pink shirt is so cute. New Years? Maybe?

I find myself in the Maternity section which happens to run right into the women's clothing section. What? Is that a given? You're a woman so you might need to buy maternity clothes someday? Bah.

The funny thing is that I didn't stomp on the breaks like I usually do and jet out of there, smoke coming off the wheels of my cart. "Must get out of the prego section."

I kept going. I even looked at the maternity pants and shirts and thought maybe I should buy something "just to keep tucked away." I pondered this thought for maybe 3 seconds when I snapped back to reality and said to myself," Have I lost my mind?"

It's almost like the past 6 years of non-pregnancy torment vacated from my body like an alien invasion of the brain. E. T. are you there? ( E.T. is the most non-threatening alien I can think of.)

Here comes the nostalgia. There was a day when, being the type-A personality, big-time planner that I am, I would have bought a cute maternity shirt to keep safe for when I was expecting. Oh to be 25 again and naive. My younger self never spent one second of thought that having a baby would be such a mind altering, life changing cluster that it has been.

I say cluster in good taste. As much as IF has been the worst experience of my life, it has given me so much that I would never, ever take back. I know that this circumstance was supposed to be part of my life. That isn't b.s. either. I really believe that.

Maybe I should have bought the cute maternity dress. Putting it away in my attic with the spring clothes might not be such a bad thing. What does it represent? Hope?

Our minds have the distinct ability to infiltrate thoughts without our conscious knowledge that inflect and project what could be. It is our psyche and personality that have the ability to deflect these instinctive thoughts and talk ourselves out of possibility.

If the snacks were the first aisle of the store, I probably would have bought a package of Oreo's, found my rugs, and left the store without having a moment where, for one instant, I saw my future pregnant self shopping as I always do but this time for two.

Welcome and Perfect Moment Moday

2010-11-28T07:51:00.005-05:00

Please read about my perfect moments. And for more perfect moments visit

Write Mind Open Heart

There are some exciting times at PFM. Read about our first grantee success story

Yesterday was a special day for PFM board member, Jerry Furciniti. Jerry and his wife Laura are adoptive parents to a boy from S. Korea. The family was invited by Kevin Boss, a NY Giants tight end to attend a game and go out to dinner afterwards. This is the third year Kevin Boss has hosted the giving thanks contest. Read more about the contest here. Below is the email that Jerry sent to Kevin regarding what he is thankful for.

Kevin,

Thanks so much for hosting this again this year. You've done a lot for your fans, and we appreciate it!

I'm 34 (as of today), and over the past few years, my wife and I have had a remarkable journey. We have struggled with infertility for years. Infertility is an incredibly isolating and painful struggle. As we progressed through our treatments, we found strength and solace in two places- our faith and the amazing people that we have met along the way. Every story is heartbreaking, but the resolve is very inspirational. The struggle to start a family really shakes you to the core- it's one of the most basic elements of life.

We are now proud adoptive parents of a little boy from South Korea named Evan. Words cannot adequately describe how lucky we are to have him in our lives. When we made the decision to adopt, we felt the tremendous weight lift from our shoulders. I just regret that we waited so long to start the process. Just hear his little footsteps as he runs around the house giggling as I chase him to get the football back, or to hear him say "love you dada" quite literally melts my heart. We were recently matched with our second son, and are now awaiting his arrival into our home; he's already in our hearts.

I'm thankful that I now have the opportunity to pay our good fortune forward to other couples that are in the same predicament where we were just 18 months ago. I recently started working with a non-profit that provides emotional and financial support to couples working to build their families. I firmly believe that a loving home should be the main prerequisite to start a family, not the tens of thousands of dollars for fertility treatments or adoption. I'm hoping that our story will help others find their resolve and realize that they are not alone.

This summer we handed our our first round of grants to four couples around the country. I just saw the first set of baby pictures last week! What an amazing experience!

Thank you for letting me share my story. Keep up the good work!

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The game was yesterday. We are thinking of Jerry and his family and cannot wait to hear all the details. To read an interview given by Kevin Boss about the contest and Jerry check out Inside Football.

Oh, and please follow this blog. We need all the support we can get!

In Mind, Out Of Sight

2010-11-25T18:12:00.009-05:00

A dream is a smile, a grin from ear to ear.
Invoking happiness, hope, and a sense of meaning.
A dream holds ideas.
For what are we?
Who are we?
Without our dreams.

I often wonder how much infertility has changed me. I know it has brought me to the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. When I think about what my life would be like if having a child had been effortless, I'm content in knowing that my path to motherhood has given me more than I could have imagined six years ago.

One of the most difficult things about a life-changing situation is being forced to reimagine your future. Once I realized that the family I had always envisioned would probably take on a new form, I grappled with what my children would look like, be like, and how many, if any I would have.

I did try to imagine a life without a child. There was a point where I considered this option because we had been through too much pain. Strength and determination to continue trying to conceive were diluted by exhaustion and grief. How many disappointments can one endure? The pregnancy announcement to my parents, the choosing of names, the baby shower, the number of children I longed to have all became fragments of dream I was losing. I began to reimagine my role as a mother to just one child. If only I could be lucky enough to have one baby, then I would be grateful.

After the last failed in vitro procedure, the hope of a pregnancy was gone; we finally conceded to our reality. Biological children would not be possible. I would never get pregnant.

Even though I had been exploring adoption for two years it was at this point that I finally began imagining my life as an adoptive mother. I was happy with this thought. To love a child and take care of them was most important.

Becoming a parent through adoption has been amazing. I have no idea what I would do if my son were not in our lives. Who would I be? He has changed me for the better and enriched my life in such beautiful ways. I am deeply in love with every embrace, giggle, funny comment, and tidbit that make him who he is.

As my son grows older the desire to give him a sibling surmounts. But how will we do it? Unfortunately financing stands in our way. Like most we already spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to become parents. The thought of finding more money that could pay off debt, send our son to college, or go in a retirement fund is perplexing. But I have always said that we can find a way. I never want money to be the reason that we did not fulfill our vision of family.

There is a bit of irony, however that at this point I find that we have several options for family-building. At one point I did not think we had any options at all. Now with the passing of time and the resolution of grief I feel that we have choices for possibly having a second child. Going back to a fertility specialist is an option we have not ruled out. Starting fresh with the diagnoses we worked over two years to discover and a new mind set may just lead us to a successful pregnancy. We are also thinking of a domestic adoption rather than international.

The amazing part is that life is full, and the extreme sense of urgency to have a child that comes with infertility has dissipated. I have let go of the fact that I am older than I would have liked to be when having children. My son will be at least 5 years older than his future sibling. Ultimately I always wanted 3 children, and even though that dream will most likely never happen due to circumstances, the picture in my mind of 3 cute faces staring at me in the rear view mirror just will not fade away.

For those of you reading who struggle daily to reimagine your life as a parent I hope you find some comfort in my words. Reimagining may be difficult but can offer great rewards. Speaking about life in general we all had plans. Looking back as someone in my early thirties I see that the plans that fell through are what have created the most memorable and wonderful parts of my life. This is something I remind myself of whenever I am caught off guard with the emotions of infertility. My journey is not over, and reimagining life keeps the possibilities coming.

*Please leave a comment if you can relate to this post. I always love to hear what readers have to say. Thank you.

Happy ICLW- November

2010-11-21T08:36:00.010-05:00

Welcome to Parenthood for Me. This blog is part of the national non-profit founded in 2008. Our mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those building families through adoption or medical intervention.

Please read the post below to hear about our first baby!

Take a look around. Read PFM Best Posts on the right side bar.

If you are not already a follower please become one! We need help spreading the word of our mission.
Also find us on Facebook- Parenthood for Me.org and twitter.

Also, now that the holiday season is almost here please take a minute to visit Good Search.
Click here for the link. Or check out the top left side bar for search information. Just by shopping on-line (spending money you already intended on spending) you can make a donation to Parenthood for Me.
Look for the section where you can download the toolbar.

And on a side note:

Yea, you read that right. "Expectant Mother Parking" at my grocery store.

I get the need for this. In fact, it must be kind of nice for tired, expectant moms (through pregnancy). But do you blame me for wanting to ram into this sign some days?

*update: I was notified this morning that my blog made it to the top 50 blogs on this site. Check out the other great blogs.

PFM's First Baby

2010-10-31T09:19:00.003-04:00

Last week we received an update from one of the four families who received a grant in July.
Our Chairman, Chuck gave them a call to see how things were going, and the family was elated that their son was home from China. They said that our grant ($3000) allowed them to proceed with the adoption. They had been trying to get the last bit of money together to move forward with bringing their son home.

Here is a message from the family:

"I could say that our story is the same as hundred of other couples that wish to become a family. We also had infertility "issues" but did not let that stop us from becoming a family.
And thanks to organizations like yours, we did and could not be happier. The day we met our son was the most incredible day of our lives, just to be able to hold him, touch him, and even smell him was something that words can not describe. Till to this day when we look at him we just can't believe its true, and we are waiting to wake up from a dream. But we know It's all true and real and beautiful!
Our son is 19 months old and his name is *Len from Changzhou City in the Jaingsu Provence and he was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate, he was sponsored by Half the Sky Foundation, Nanny program who repaired his lip and cared for him.

We are truly grateful to Parenthood for Me for helping us bring Len home. Now we can call ourselves a FAMILY! If you wish anymore information on our adoption please let us know we will share our whole story with you or anyone that will listen, in hopes to inspire all those to come that it is truly worth the wait.

Thank you again and again."

I was able to see several pictures of Len and it is heart warming to see him thriving in his new home.

Thank you to all who have helped make this possible. Bowling for Babies is November 14. And we are planning for our second annual Family-Building Dinner and Silent Auction to take place in early April 2011. We have huge goals for our signature fundraiser so that we can offer larger grants and perhaps more in 2011. I look forward to continued success and assisting families in their family-building dreams.

Thank you to Plaid House Designs for making our new button for the dinner.

*name changed for privacy.

In Hopes of Looking Forward

2010-10-27T00:45:00.009-04:00

There is a maple tree outside my window that is the most glorious shade of red. In the sunlight the hues are absolutely stunning. I find myself staring at this tree wondering about its beauty. I guess I am trying to focus on things that offer hope with no effort involved. Life seems to be a constant battle of weighing difficult situations that offer pain and discomfort with those moments to be captured that make everything seem worthwhile.

What constitutes having led a difficult life? Does everyone feel that their life has been difficult? Being faced with hardship is a part of life and it shapes who we are. But why does there have to be so much loss in life?

Is it to cherish all that we gain? And all that we hold sacred? I know that many have a difficult time seeing the good in the bad. Take a bad situation and see the positive. Well, sometimes I find that very challenging. And, quite frankly I don't feel like it.

At 32 I find myself constantly looking backwards. There are many things that I have internalized in my lifetime that make me sad. Sometimes I wish this blog were anonymous so that I could pour out every strenuous thought and scenario in my lifetime, but there are many things that I must keep to myself. This blog is just one portion of who I am, and I am happy to share many things about myself, but there is so much more.

Recently I experienced the death of a loved one. She was only 61 years old. When I say she was an absolutely beautiful person, I am not doing her justice. Everyone loved her. She had an infectious laugh and aura. She died way too young, and her absence has left a hole in many people's hearts. The thought of never hearing her call my name and embrace me infects my spirit.
Losing her has made me want to live in the moment more. To find the happiness I have been seeking for many years. Losing her has made me look forward and compelled me to find a way to find peace.

The odd thing is that I do often stop to smell the roses. I have made a point to be conscious of special moments and times when things are good. I laugh a lot. I find humor in many things and like to make others laugh. I laugh at myself and have forgiven myself for not being perfect. Embracing my imperfections has released me in many ways. When I was younger, I spent way too much energy worrying about those attributes that seemed to be negative.

So what is my problem? If I can find the good in things, stay relatively positive, and relish the little things in life, then why do I still dwell on the difficult? Maybe remembering the difficult times are what keep us in check. Life is hard and it always will be. Life is not fair. But I don't want to make excuses for that my standing by and letting the hardships defeat me. I will gain nothing with that stance.

I have experienced a lot of loss in my life, and I am not talking about the loss of people. I have lost precious time. I sound vague, but I do not want to get into the details of what that loss entails. I just know that getting older has made me feel desperate to not lose anymore. I'm probably not alone in this sentiment.

In general it is tough to be optimistic these days. Our fellow Americans, friends, neighbors, co-workers are suffering from poverty, job loss, lack of health care, and many other crisis'. It's hard to know what to do with all this negative news. I am fortunate because the down economy has not really touched my life. We have battened down the hatches on needless spending and focus on how lucky we are that we both have jobs, but I am fully aware that we too may feel the epidemic of crisis much closer to home- at any time.

I have had this innate desire to purge my life. Even though I live a very middle class life, I still feel like I could simplify things a lot more. Possessions do not matter. Do I cherish my Nana's wedding china sitting in my cabinet? Yes. But the PB chair I am sitting on right now could be sold on e.bay and it wouldn't matter. I want to have a nice home for my family and my child, but I also want my son to be more aware of the love he feels every day. Love and comfort and feeling safe are the greatest gifts I can give him in this lifetime. I hope I can do a good job of relaying that to him.

A good post is one with focus. This is a post littered with random ideas that have been floating around in my head. The words have not been coming to me easily lately. Many of you who read this blog have probably noticed the lack of writing. I feel like my brain is so full of tough thoughts that whenever I get an idea to write something, it only comes out in broken lines and sentences with dangling participles. I write and delete, write and delete. But sleep wouldn't come tonight. Swirling thoughts made me toss and turn. So here I am trying to alleviate my mind at least somewhat.

I will return to my down comforter and pillow and attempt to close my eyes and shut down my mind. My mother always says that things feel worse at night. Eventually the sun will shine in a few hours, and I will hear the inevitable morning call of my son, "Mommy."

I look forward to this every day.

I will get in my car and turn to look at the glorious red maple whose leaves will only remain for a few more days until they scatter across my lawn. I will drive past our lake with its whipping white caps and turn my thoughts to being grateful.

Oddly enough this song was playing on my computer when I got the called that D. passed. She would like this song.
Push Stars- "Keg On My Coffin"

Artwork For Building Families- Giveaway

2010-10-18T07:46:00.017-04:00

We had a successful 1st annual Artwork for Building Families Art Show. There were so many generous donations from artists all over the country. It is always so wonderful and humbling receive support for PFM's endeavors.

I am offering 3 matted pieces as a giveaway. I am hoping that you will help me spread the word of this blog and PFM. We need all the support we can get as we enter into our major fundraising stage for 2011. I receive emails all the time asking when we will be accepting grant applications. We anticipate that the grant apps will be posted in January of 2011 and awarding our second round of grants in July 2011. We cannot continue to help people without financial support and those of you who can pass the word of our non-profit's mission.

Artist- Lena, 8 years old. The palm reads "adoption"

Artist Jeanette Musliner- "Tulips"

Artist Jess Klem - Black and white tulip

To enter here are the rules:

1) Leave a comment that you are entering

2) Post the giveaway on your blog, facebook, or twitter, etc. (or all mediums)

3) Giveaway open until October 31

The winner will be chosen randomly.

And now here are some photos from the show:

You Will Have A Good Life

2010-10-14T11:27:00.003-04:00

Jammies are on. Puppies are lined up along the wall next to the bed. I pull the covers up to his chin. I lay next to him, and we talk about everything we did that day.

He smiles from ear to ear thinking about going to the playground, eating pizza with his cousins, playing trucks, and riding on his uncle's shoulders.

"I went to Abigail's, Mom." He smiles.

I look at him in awe and remember how Cecelia, the owner of the adoption agency, spoke with him on the phone the day after he came home.

She crooned in Korean," You are home now. You will live a long and happy life."

Her determined words absent of doubt make me feel special. But my obligation to this beautiful child is huge.

I will make sure he lives a good life.

Better than good.

We will smile and laugh and give pizza kisses. I write down quotes from his 3 year old ramblings. I record my thoughts and love here in this journal.

I never thought I would look at Min man every day and remember what a gift he is.

I am his mother.

He is my son.

Forever.

Poem Featured Still Life 365

2010-10-07T16:17:00.002-04:00

Please take a moment to visit Still Life 365.

This is a wonderful blog that offers support for those grieving the loss of their babies. Every day a new form of artwork is shared.

I am lucky enough to have one of my poems featured.

Still Life 365

An Award and Be Happy

2010-10-03T10:01:00.007-04:00

I have been a huge slacker in the blog reading department. I really do enjoy reading about everyone's lives, but there just are not enough hours. PFM is holding its first annual Artwork for Building Families Art Show this Wednesday. I am so excited because have many wonderful pieces for sale. We will also be showcasing our holiday cards on sale right now. Below are 2 of of the 5 images. They read simply, "Happy Holidays." Let me know if you are interested in purchasing a set.

We also have the Artwork for Building Families Art Show 2010 poster. $10. These items are not available on our website yet. Leave a comment if you are interested in purchasing.

Next I will be working on Bowling for Babies November 14. Fundraising is so much fun but very time consuming. I will have a break for the holidays. Then we will be gearing for the 2nd annual Family-Building Dinner in April, 2011.

I want to say thank you to Michaela at A Single Journey for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger award. It is so nice to be recognized especially during a time when I don't feel like I have been paying enough attention to my blog. There are so many posts sitting in my brain going unwritten. In fact, my lack of writing keeps me up at night. I need to get these thoughts out of my head!

I appreciate everyone that reads and follows. It means a lot to me.

The rules of the blog are to provide 7 fact about myself:

1) I once aspired to be on the show Star Search as a singer

2) I am very sentimental and sappy

3) I applied to be in the FBI

4) I am not scared of spiders or most bugs

5) I love any kind of fruit pie. Not much of a cake-eater.

6) My hair was pin straight until 4th grade. I now have curls.

7) Family and friends are the greatest gifts in my life

And finally watch this Happy Video.

So inspiring.

Perfect Moment Monday- Give Me A Kiss

2010-09-26T19:03:00.003-04:00

Min man and I have many little jokes. I guess you could call them inside jokes.

I ask him to give me a kiss even when his lips are covered with remnants of his breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

It started with, "Can I have a cheerio kiss?" He would lean in and give me a kiss. Now we do milk kisses, pizza kisses, and even toast kisses.

Last night I made dinner for my mother's birthday. When we came home Min man asked me for an ice cream kiss. Then I asked him for a meatloaf kiss. Then I asked him for a broccoli kiss.

I was going to leave it at that. But not 3 seconds later he said," Mom, give me a rice kiss."

Awwww. We covered every aspect of dinner.

Visit Weebles Wobblog for more Perfect Moments.

Breaking Bows

2010-09-19T22:24:00.005-04:00

On Saturday I drove home from a bridal shower crying. My hiatus from wedding showers left me completely unprepared for feeling my infertile self that afternoon. After all, I can and did get married.

I forgot how much emphasis is placed on what is supposed to be the next step after marriage: children. There were more comments about having babies than about the extremely important act of entering into marriage for a lifetime. I understand that as a society love, marriage, and baby is the straight and narrow, the way in which things are expected to evolve. And no one meant any harm. But it pisses me off. What an expectation to place on women (and men). Give the happy couple a chance to understand the commitment of marriage. Lay it on the line, give advice. It's hard work. Then hopefully, if they want, children will come.

I hesitated before writing this post because I do not want to offend anyone. But after all I have been through to have a family I wish people could understand that getting pregnant is such a gift. It should not be assumed or expected that it will definitely happen for every couple. I understand that people are not going to attend a wedding shower and start citing statistics from their OB/GYN about fertility and the chance of conception or bust out with the story of their cousin who had 6 miscarriages over five years. No one wants to hear that anyway.
But why not focus more on the union of two people and how their lives will be changed and challenged?

As I sat in the front of the room helping the bride open her gifts I heard the first comment about how breaking a bow means you're having a baby. How many bows will she break?

I think by the end she was up to 8 children.

I felt my face get hot and the placid fake smile appear upon my lips. I felt glance in my direction surveying my reaction to all the baby talk.

It's scary when I realized I almost made a comment out loud, "Damn, if only I had broken a bow at my wedding shower! Is that what my problem is?"

Or how about," Why don't we just hope she can get pregnant and experience the miracle of conceiving one healthy and happy child?"

I have turned into the person who tells jokes to make other people feel comfortable around me and my inability to conceive. I try to make light of talking about maternity clothes and burp clothes and ultrasounds. In order to keep up I interject some witty remark or a tidbit of information I learned from someone who has actually been pregnant. What I really want to say is nothing, act stoic. make it obvious that I will never have to decide at what month I will have to splurge on the maternity pants or whether we want the technician to reveal the gender of our growing fetus.

After all, I should be over all that infertility stuff. I have a beautiful little boy. I am a mom. I am lucky. That's the bitch of it all, though. Clearly the agony of infertility is one heartbeat away, always.

Still. I slipped away at first chance and headed to the ladies room where I could remove the fake smile and stare at my sad eyes in the mirror. A deep breath and cold water on my cheeks led me back to the gathering where I waited until it was the polite time to exit.

I am a mother and I can relate to stories of child development and proudly chime in with my own funny anecdotes about what horribly inappropriate utterances a 3 year old can chant in the check-out line. But I'm different. I always will be. I wasn't allowed the simplicity of awaiting motherhood after making a decision it was time to become parents. I wasn't allowed the opportunity to carefully plan out how I was to tell my husband we were expecting and subsequently decide when to tell our parents. All that washed away with the flood of loss over a now 6 year chronic condition-pain.

I still cannot hold babies. I've realized that it is a boycott of sorts- my way of avoiding the pain of looking into that tiny, beautiful face. The kibosh on my visions of soothing my own newborn or growing infant, memorizing their features and equivocating whether they have my eyebrows and hands or the mouth of my mother-in-law.

Recently I found a new way to torture myself as I ponder asking a friend what it was like to hear his wife tell him he was to be a father. Is my vision true? Did he get teary eyed and hug her and feel his love for her swell knowing she was carrying his child? Do I need to know this memory of his? Of course not. Do I want to understand something else I have missed out on? I guess so. Maybe the reality is that he was scared shitless and got in his car to grab a six pack of beer. Probably not but you never know. I'm sure I romanticize the scenario a little bit, but I betcha I'm pretty spot on.

A couple of months ago my very best friend had a beautiful shower under a tent in the August heat. She looked so at ease and comfortable and pretty with her belly protruding. I am so happy for her and the Mr. I would not have missed it for the world. At the very end she thanked everyone for attending and their generosity. And much to my surprise she mentioned how grateful she and her husband are to me and my husband for all we taught them about the miracle of parenthood. We showed them that if one is dedicated to raising a child and loving a child, it can happen no matter what. The comment was a lovely thing to say. But it was unexpected and I had to leave the room. Her recognition set me apart and I cannot say it upset me to feel different this time because if I hadn't been given the choice of adoption, I would not be a mother to my little boy. Maybe it was difficult hearing her say that about me while casting my eyes on the baby growing inside her belly. However, her compassion and understanding and desire to relay that to her guests made me feel good.

She gets it. And that's all I can ask.

Perfect Moment Monday in Pictures

2010-09-06T07:51:00.011-04:00

It's Monday morning, and I am reflecting on a great week spent at our cottage. It was a blast. Min man did many wonderful things, and he had a great time as well as Mom and Dad.

There were boat rides, turtle catching, a trip to a farm, ATV rides, bull frog catching, fishing, and lots of laughing.

Here are some of my favorite pictures. Hope you enjoy.

This was his first catch! We were so proud.

Barry the bullfrog.

Tommy the turtle to the right of the first rock.

Walking with Gramma on our land.

Papa's tractor

Please visit Weebles Wobblog for more Perfect Moments.

My Life Laid Out In Cards

2010-09-01T02:59:00.007-04:00

I'm not a super spontaneous person. I tend to think things through way too much. However, there are distinct moments when I get an inclination to do something. When this occurs I go with my gut and follow through.

About a month ago I was at a local festival where I saw a sign for Tarot card and palm readings. Immediately I knew I wanted to do it. After paying my $15 I waited for Mike to call my name from alongside the building where they had tables and chairs set up. About five minutes later the woman running the booth apologized that they sent someone else over to Mike and that Joe was available to read my cards. I felt this mix-up meant something. Joe was the guy to read my cards.

I sat down at the table with little expectation. I am a very open minded person and fully believed that I would walk away from the reading enlightened in some way.

He had me shuffle the deck and lay the cards in three piles. Then he worked his magic laying the cards out before me, all the pretty pictures and symbols having no meaning to me. There were some "oh's" and "ooh's" as he scanned the cards, sizing up my life- past, present, and future.

At first he explained the meaning of certain cards. One relayed that a financial endeavor I had been hoping for would pan out. This was nice to hear, and I could think of several things where this may apply. I do run a charity!

Then he went straight for the heart.

"Are you thinking of adopting?" Tears immediately stung my eyes.

Studying my reaction he said,"Have you adopted before?"

I proceeded to tell him yes and yes. He asked for my hand so he could read my palm. Now he meant business because the $15 bucks I spent was for either a Tarot card reading OR a palm reading. I must have been an interesting case.

I wish I could remember all the details of his words as he looked at the lines on my open palm. What he said was extremely accurate. Soaking it all in I remember being in awe as the words came out of his mouth.

He asked me if I am a teacher. I mentioned that I did teach for a year, high school Italian. He cut me off stating, "Not just a teacher in that sense. Are you a teacher?"

Within a second I answered yes. All the time I am devoting to writing and working on the charity is about teaching and educating. I never thought of myself in that light until then.
I got to thinking that some people are meant to teach others. Whether it be as a camp counseler, author, trainer, a parent. There are those individuals whose personality is tuned to showing others instead of telling.

There were other things spoken in my Tarot card/palm reading session that really hit home. The last thing he said to me is that I have been trying too hard to figure out a problem in my life. He stated,"I know it is difficult for your personality, but you need to sit back and let the universe figure things out. You have done all you can do." Wow. That could not be more valid.

He encouraged me to adopt again saying that I was always meant to be a mother. He sees 3 children in my future. That seems impossible to me, but 3 was always my number. Ever since I was a young girl I wanted 3 children.

Wiping tears from my eyes I shook his hand and walked back into the crowd to greet my friend. I was left with much to ponder: the ability to see someone's life laid out in cards, the lines on my palm, reincarnation. I understand that many of the things Joe said could be interpreted different ways according to the person sitting across from him. But he did know or sense things that were very particular to me. That is the amazing part. The portion about my past life flowing into my existence was also hauntingly appropriate. I decided to read more about reincarnation.

The reading was a fresh and different experience. It encouraged me to be more spontaneous and do things that are new and unknown. My mind has been opened a little bit more, my beliefs bended leaving me asking more questions about life in general and my life in particular.

The tarot (first known as tarocchi) is a pack of cards (most commonly numbering 78), used from the mid-15th century in various parts of Europe to play card games such as Italian tarocchini and French tarot. From the late 18th century until the present time the tarot has also found use by mystics and occultists in efforts at divination or as a map of mental and spiritual pathways.

Photo Friday- Words

2010-08-27T07:40:00.008-04:00

Today's photo theme is words. I love the written word. Reading and writing are my favorite past times. I am also very picky about which fonts I use. I can be composing an email or making invitations. The font sets the tone.

These are a few things around my house.

This is a roller coaster I bought at a garage sale. It's probably from the 80's and in impeccable condition. I love stuff like this.

These are my great grandmother's nursing pins. Her name is Anna. My grandfather was always so proud because I resemble her. I have seen many pictures, and I cannot argue. This sits on my living room mantel.

This magnet was given to me by my SIL.

This is hard to read but it says, Certificate of Citizenship.
We received this in the mail yesterday.
My baby is officially a U.S. citizen. To read more about this monumental day click here.

Visit Creating Motherhood for more of Photo Friday.

An End Is A Beginning

2010-08-26T22:57:00.004-04:00

Three years ago my husband and I knew we wanted to adopt. We had chosen the agency, decided on international adoption, and knew which country. We were not completely ready to put in our paperwork. Financials held us back and emotionally we needed a little more time before we were completely up to the challenge of adoption. But we were sure adoption was the way we would become parents.

In October of 2007 we had our first meeting coordinated by our adoption agency. It was a gathering at the social worker's home. Over bagels and coffee we met six other couples who were at different stages of their adoption journey. Some were there just for information, others had recently received their "referral" and knew who their son or daughter would be, and there were two couples who were just waiting for that call. The call that would put them on a plane to meeting their new son or daughter. I remember distinctly the names of the babies in waiting, Priscilla and Charlie. We also got to meet two families and their children. This helped me to fully embrace adoption. Seeing these parents and their children helped me to envision what my family would be like, look like. Meeting their children helped all the emotions I had stirring in my gut- anxiety, fear, excitement, sadness- swirl together into one emotion, anticipation of being a mother. I was so happy knowing I would definitely be a mother.

We had our home study in November of 2007. The interview process was a nice experience. We were happy to tell our story and why we wanted to adopt a child. Two weeks later, as promised, I received a phone call at work. We were having a boy! What an amazing day. Better yet was the next day when we made the 25 minute drive to the social worker's home to find out more information about our son and see his face. We chose to hear his story before seeing his picture. We listened intently and learned about his health and progression as a 10 month old.

Finally M. revealed his picture and both our jaws dropped. He was sooooo cute. And the name that we had always wanted for a boy suited him. My heart was in my throat. And I wanted him home that day. I loved him already.

Christmas was a wonderful time. After so many years of wishing we would receive gifts for our baby, it was amazing to open box after box of items for our little boy. The pictures we had of him were placed in ornament frames adorned on everyone's Christmas trees. We included his picture in our Christmas card.

"Happy Holidays." And, by the way... here is our SON! In case you didn't know...

The months went on and we prepared or "nested" as people say. The crib arrived and was assembled. Gifts were placed in the room, clothes hung in the closet, toys found their spot in the house. We had an idea of when he would be home, but there was a glitch with our fingerprints that delayed his arrival by about 2 months.

Min man's birthday is in March. Originally we thought he would be home by his first birthday. That was a little difficult. Then Mother's Day came and went. One Saturday afternoon I received photos of Min man on his first birthday. They were absolutely amazing. This was the first time we saw his brilliant smile. I wish you could all see it. His smile lights up his entire face. His smile would light up your face instantaneously.

We went to NYC to pick up our son on June 3, 2008. We made it back to Rochester (home) by June 4. When we got off the plane, we were greeted by a huge crowd of friends and relatives. This was our moment to relish. We were new parents and our son was home. There was not a dry eye in the house.

As my SIL said, "What a magical way to become a parent."

Today we received the long awaited Certificate of Citizenship from Immigration and Naturalization. Even though Min man became a citizenship on his adoption day, we needed this final document to make everything official according to our government. This was a fact we were surprised by when applying for his social security card shortly after his adoption day.

It is hard to believe there is nothing left to do. No more forms to fill out or money to pay in order to declare he is ours and a U. S. citizen.

Even though the road has been long, (including all the years of infertility treatments) kissing my son good night never gets old. Hearing his voice and silly comments make me get out of bed in the morning. That smile can change the world.

Our beginning started a very long time ago. But every day is a new beginning. Every day with a child is a new opportunity to be a better person and parent.

Thank goodness I have my son to keep things in perspective. The delight he has in a butterfly or big truck driving down the road remind me that life really can be simple.

I hope I can always view life through his eyes. Even when he is a grown man, he will always be my baby.

Perfect Moment Monday- Fall Is In The Air

2010-08-23T20:28:00.004-04:00

The weather here has already moved closer to the Fall spectrum. Autumn is one of my favorite times of year. I walked in the drug store and they had Halloween decorations out. I am looking forward to planting some mums. The air was crisp today. I could smell the change in season. It was nice wearing a cardigan today. We will have more hot days in the next 5 weeks, but they will be minimal. Min man does a great pirate impression. He is looking forward to being a pirate for Halloween. This will be the first year he gets it. Lots of fun to come.

Visit Weebles Wobblog for more Perfect Moments.

Branching Out

2010-08-22T18:35:00.003-04:00

There are so many things I want to do. I am working on finishing my memoir (four years in the making). I am also working on a novel. I cannot imagine the latter being finished before I turn 40.

There are many projects to work on for PFM- grant writing, our next 2 fundraisers for 2010, Artwork for Building Families.

However, all of the things mentioned above do not pay my bills. I decided about eight months ago to starting a consulting business for marketing and public relations. I discovered that I have a great passion for both fields after starting the non-profit. I really enjoy marketing and PR and making a career out consulting with other businesses is high on my priority list.

I have had a few clients and have been rewarded with seeing their business benefit from my advice and knowledge. I am a huge believer in the small to medium size businesses in our country. They are what make our economy thrive. My father started his own business in 1975. I work for him and have always been proud of his accomplishments. There is nothing like working for yourself.

Like any new ventures progress takes time and patience. Infertility definitely taught me patience. I look forward to growing the consulting business. My fees are reasonable. Spending some money on a consultant is worth the cost when you are able to retain current customers and clients and gain new ones.

EW Consulting

Find me on Facebook- EW Consulting

Thanks for Visiting

2010-08-21T21:39:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Parenthood for Me. This blog is a branch of the non-profit I founded in 2008. PFM assists people who are trying to build their families through adoption or medical intervention.
We just awarded our first grants. Yay!

4 couples throughout the U.S. received $3,000 each to help with both adoption and assisted reproductive technology.

To learn more about the non-profit visit our website http://www.parenthoodforme.org/

To learn more about my story visit the right side bar to read PFM Best Posts.

Be a fan on Facebook- Parenthood for Me.org

FYI-
Several people have asked me if they can make a donation on someones behalf. For example, in lieu of flowers when someone passes away, for a graduation or birthday.

Yes. You can email mail a personal check or go to our website and donate via Paypal.

Do not forget to tell us the name and address of the person and contact information so that we can write a letter acknowledging the contribution.

It's Too Yuck

2010-08-15T20:26:00.007-04:00

This is a post where I talk about life with a three year old. There are some things I just have to share. As I write this I am stifling a laugh. This is how things are for me these days. Laughter through tears. Three is a tough age. Tougher than 2. Min man is just like most three year olds- stubborn, won't listen, has tantrums, and on. He is trying to figure out life and so many things are new every day. We get into a battle of wills. He waits for me to give in and I wait for him to listen to me and behave.

My new favorite part is when he says," I so mad, Mom!"

I keep telling him to use words and explain his emotions instead of hitting, pinching, kicking, and on.

The best part of 3 is that practically everything that comes out of his mouth is hilarious. I am constantly laughing out loud. If there was a space on my floor not covered with cars, I could probably roll on the floor laughing.

Min man has an infectious laugh and smile. It is priceless when he laughs at himself being funny. I don't help things because I find him so amusing that I cannot keep a straight face. Then he starts laughing really hard and there we sit giggling and laughing at each other laughing.

Min man started pre-school a few weeks ago. The second day I went to pick him up the teacher came right up to me and said," One of the kids bit your son. It didn't break the skin. We had the nurse look at it." I chuckled 'cause I was so relieved he wasn't the biter. And I was able to guess why the poor child felt the need to bite my son; Min man was fighting over a toy and saying 'it's MINE.'

School is great because his world is getting larger. He comes home singing songs like "Ritzy, ritzy spider." He talks about his friends. When I ask him what their names are, he says, " I know." (aka I don't know)

The other night I told him that he was getting a special treat- his dessert. He sat in his chair and I placed the ramekin of peach crisp in front of him. He kept going on an on about it was his special treat. "It's mine? Wow" After about five minutes of talking about it, he says," I all done. I can't like it. It's too yuck."

Here is a picture of a card made the other day. He said it was his own birthday card.

And, think it's time for new pj's?

Guest Author- Trying To Conceive

2010-08-13T09:51:00.006-04:00

Please welcome my guest blogger who co-authors Trying to Conceive. While I was struggling to get pregnant I was too distraught to think about anything else but doctor's appointments and shots. I knew I should change things about my lifestyle but it all seemed to much. I also never took the time to really learn about my body and my own fertility. Because I discovered that I had PCOS really early on, I was not encouraged to try naturally and learn about my own cycles, etc. I really wish I had done that before diving into IUI's and medication.
Here is some helpful information and reminders about preparing our bodies to conceive and be healthy.

Also, in case you missed my last post, PFM wrote its first grant checks this week. Yay!
====================================

My name is Olivia, and I am a mother of two kids conceived through IUI after a three-year struggle with infertility. My co-blogger Tania is a registered nurse who has been trying to conceive since the start of this year.

Our blog, http://www.trying-to-conceive.com/ covers topics surrounding conception, fertility challenges, and pregnancy.

Preparing your body for pregnancy

Most of us spend a long time mentally preparing before trying to conceive, but have you thought about the physical aspect? There are quite a few things that you can do to boost your fertility and prepare your body for pregnancy. I’ll discuss some straight forward steps that any woman can take before she starts trying for a baby, and during the period in which she is hoping to conceive.

Take a prenatal vitamin

Making sure you get all your vitamins and minerals can help to increase your fertility, and also encourages an embryo to develop properly and at the right speed. Taking a folic acid supplement stimulates development of the brain, spinal chord and skull. If you are a really healthy eater, you can get the same vitamins, as well as folate, from foods.

Know your body

When you are trying to get pregnant, knowing when you are fertile is essential. You can achieve this in a variety of ways. Using an ovulation calendar, in combination with ovulation predictor kits, is one way. Monitoring your basal body temperature and your cervical mucus is another. Once you are aware of the timing of your ovulation, getting pregnant will be that much easier! 

Exercise

Being in great shape increases your chances of conceiving. If you are obese, losing weight before you try to get pregnant will not only be good for your fertility, but it will also make your pregnancy and birth easier. While there is no reason not to continue working out throughout your pregnancy, being fit before you get pregnant means giving yourself a great gift.

Quit any bad health habits you have

At the risk of stating the obvious, I will mention that quitting smoking is very important before getting pregnant, and reducing your alcohol intake can help you get pregnant more quickly, as well as ensuring you give your embryo the best possible start when you do conceive.

Look around for health care providers

It is never too early to start looking for the OB or midwife or your choice, You may even want to see them for a medical check up that rules out any obvious medical problems. And because your health care provider will play a crucial role during your pregnancy, knowing that you trust and like him or her can make your life a lot more pleasant while you are carrying your baby.

Surreal Is Such An Overused Word

2010-08-11T16:35:00.003-04:00

Where's my thesaurus? Too lazy to go on-line right now. Today is a monumental day in my life. I sat at my desk and wrote checks for the first grants to be distributed from Parenthood for Me.

If I was not paying attention, it could have felt very business-like. We send the money directly to the adoption agency or medical facility. Writing the grantees name in the memo line was the best part. I composed a brief letter to enclose with the check, and it's official. Fellow adoption and infertility comrades are able to move forward with plans to have the family they desire. Unbelievable.

The moment was surreal. Over the top. Hard for me to put into words what has been accomplished by so many people in such a short amount of time.

As the founder I am very personally invested in the non-profit. There are many goals that I hope to accomplish at certain points in the next five years, ten years. We continue to work very hard raising money for the endowment. One of my biggest dreams at the moment is to get national publicity in print or on TV. This coverage would help put PFM in front of millions of people. Even though there have been more informative articles and attention paid to the devastation of infertility, there have many just as many set-backs allowing the misperception of ART, IF, and adoption to dig further into the societial psyche.

There is so much work to be done.

Today was a good day. We are one step closer to making the extremely difficult experience of infertility and all it entails just a little more bearable. I wish I could have wrote a thousand checks today. Wouldn't that be great?

Progress will come. I am sure.

400 Followers Giveaway Winner

2010-08-05T21:43:00.001-04:00

JC won the drawing.

Thanks for participating. That was fun.

Check out what she won here.

Awarding Adoption Grants

2010-08-04T09:48:00.002-04:00

On Examiner

National Non-Profit Organization Awards Grants for Adoption

Thanks, Lori.

400 Followers Giveaway

2010-07-31T12:53:00.008-04:00

To celebrate 400 followers I am doing my first giveaway. This blog has been such an amazing outlet for me. Journaling here has given me way more gifts and opportunities than I ever imagined. The blog is the #1 way that I have been able to spread the word about PFM. The ALI community and its never ending support has done wonders for PFM's rapid growth.

Don't know what PFM is? Click here. And peruse the blog!

One winner will receive an Envirosax Eco-Friendly bag. Botanica.

and very cute Key Kaps. (check out the link)

Plus a set of PFM black and white drawings on stationery notecards.

Here's my try at a giveaway.

Rules:

1. Become a follower and leave a comment. If you already follow, then leave that in the comments.

2. Blog about the giveaway. (you can enter if you do not have a blog)

3. Tweet or face.book the giveaway.

4. Leave a comment that you did all of these things and the link to your post and tweet (if you tweeted)

Giveaway is open until Wednesday, August 4 at 5pm.

I will announce the winner by Thursday, August 5, 2010.

By participiating in this giveaway you not only have a chance to win some cute items, but you are helping to network for the non-profit.

http://www.parenthoodforme.org/

Photo Friday- Play

2010-07-30T08:00:00.007-04:00

My parents cottage in the 1000 Islands is where we go to relax and play. My parents also bought 250 acres of land about 10 minutes away. They call it the farm. My father has purchased many "toys" such as ATV's, snowmobiles, and his prized tractor. Min man loves anything on wheels. So last summer when he got to ride Papa's tractor, he was thrilld. I cannot believe how big he has gotten compared to last year. His Grandpa also has a tractor on his farm about an hour from where we live. Papa's tractor is green and Grandpa's tractor is blue.I keep telling him what a lucky boy he is to be able to play with all his grandparents toys!

Me riding the dirt bike.

View from a boat ride.

The sunsets are all picturesque.

Visit Calliope at Creating Motherhood for more of Photo Friday.

*If you like my blog, please become my 400th follower!

Quotable Quotidian- 7.29.10

2010-07-29T08:14:00.004-04:00

The "Quotable Quotidian" can be words of wisdom, famous quotes, not-so-famous quotes, lines of poetry, a line from a favorite song, etc. It can be your own insight and creativity or that of another; give credit where credit is due. If you read something or hear something and feel inspired, share it here.If you participate, please put a link on your post to return here so everyone can see your words of wisdom, have a laugh or be inspired.
There is a button on my side bar to add to your post.

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person but by learning to

see an imperfect person perfectly."

-Sam Keen

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

What's In Your Belly?

2010-07-27T21:12:00.002-04:00

My best friend, K is pregnant due in October. She was in town last week and had us over for dinner with another couple who is also expecting in October. This was a good night for my challenge to stay away from alcoholic beverages for awhile. A couple of years ago in this situation I would have chugged a bottle of wine due to the fact that I can't get pregnant.

Eventually Min man asked Aunt K, "What's in your belly?" Aunt K always has a tiny waist so he must have noticed a change. Aunt K told him a baby was in her belly. This was the first time Min man learned that babies can be in bellies. He had a lot of questions about why it was in there, where it was, would it come out. Does it hurt?

He was so intuitive about the baby growing in the belly and how it was going to come out of Aunt K. Does it come out your eye? You have to push? I couldn't believe he came up with that on his own. This conversation will spark many others when Min man sees pregnant women. I am also pretty scared about him asking heavy women and men if they have a baby in their belly. I'm sure it will happen. I'm already formulating a response to that question/statement hoping to save face.

Today Min man asked me if I have a baby in my belly. I told him, "No, it's just a belly." This conversation did not make me sad however. I am now in great anticipation of him slowly putting the pieces together of babies growing in bellies and that he grew in a belly too. As he gets older the story will become more detailed and pertain more to him and how he arrived in this world.

Tonight at bedtime I told Min man a story of a little baby who was born far, far away and lived with a woman named Mrs. A. She loved him and took care of him and made sure he was happy. Then one day a mommy and daddy found out that this baby was to come live with them forever. They waited and waited until finally the baby was able to go to the mommy and daddy's house to be a family. He said, "It's me. I the baby. It's Min man."

I should not be shocked at anything he says at this point, but I was. It could have just been a guess or his little brain understood that I was speaking about him and how came home to live with mommy, daddy and Lucy. And how we became a family.

When the time comes to answer some difficult questions about Min man's adoption and birth mother, I hope I get it right. I think I will. I feel like he is extremely bright and such a sensitive little boy that he will understand. By getting it right I hope that he always knows just how much we love him and cherish the fact that he became our son.

Perfect Moment Monday- 90 Years

2010-07-26T16:58:00.005-04:00

This past weekend we had a 90th birthday celebration for my Nana.

The family came into town and we had a wonderful time. Last week I sat down with Nana and asked her many questions about her childhood. I had been meaning to do this for so long. I plan on spending more time with her trying to understand more about her life. What a treasure to have her in my life at 32. Nana is very inspirational. She has a lot of gusto and lives life to the fullest. Still driving she is very involved socially, playing in 3 bridge clubs and attending luncheons all the time. She has her own house and loves redecorating and entertaining.

After many years of trying to conceive I am so grateful that Nana knows Min man. She was there through the struggle and is now present for all the gifts he has given to us as a family.

Nana and my mother.

For more Perfect Moments visit Weebles Wobblog.

Also, please visit Christa at Fearlessly Infertile for her birthday celebration giveaway!

Awarding Our First Grants

2010-07-24T09:13:00.005-04:00

Parenthood for Me received over 60 completed applications on our first attempt at awarding grants. The applications poured in from all over the country: Iowa, Minnesota, California, Georgia, Arizona just to name a few. There was a dedicated committee to reviewing all the applications and narrowing down the selection for the entire board of directors to place their vote.

I was not a part of the review committee. But I was told that all the applications which included a personal statement were touching and in many cases heart breaking. I understand firsthand the hardships of wanting to be a parent. In some cases there were families trying to having more than one child.

There was a delay in PFM notifying the grantees because the process of choosing was overwhelming. There was a quantified scale rating process for each application and several people reviewed the same application.

If we all had our way, everyone would receive financial help. We want to help everyone.

We are able to help 4 couples from all over the U.S. awarding a total of $12,000. The grants will go towards adoption and assisted reproductive technology.

The Chairman of the Board, Chuck had the pleasure of notifying the recipients. He claimed it was one of the most rewarding experiences of his life.

For all those applicants who did not receive a grant, thank you for taking the time to put together the application. You will be receiving a letter in the mail from the Chairman.

Reaching this milestone as a young non-profit has made all of the hours of work more than worthwhile. Knowing that we are able to help people fulfill their dreams of parenthood breathes new life into me and reinforces my drive to get out there and raise more money.

PFM is in the process of formulating ways that you can help us raise money from your corner of the country. We can assist you in organizing a bake sale, yard sale, a walk or run, or car wash. Please leave a comment if you are interest in organizing a fundraiser in your hometown.

Thank you to everyone who has supported us either by spreading the word of our cause and/or donating to our endowment.

If you or someone you know is considering donating to charity this year, please consider visiting our website to make a donation. No amount is too small.

http://www.parenthoodforme.org/

We are unsure of when we will be accepting applications again. We have fundraisers coming up which will determine when we will be able to award more grants. At this time the prediction is spring 2011. The goal is to award grants 2 times a year. I hope we can get to that point within the next 2 years.

Thank you to all of the board members. We are an all volunteer organization.

Board of Directors:

Erica Schlaefer- President/Founder

Charles Montante- Chairman of the Board

Kevin Mulcahy- Vice President

Rob Spatola, CPA- Treasurer

Elaine Pelissier- Secretary

Sally Bacchetta

Mark Gunther, Esquire

Melissa Mulcahy

Nancy Koris

Abbey Naples

Jerry Furciniti

Heather Smith

Christina Westmiller

A Remarkable Life

2010-07-21T09:19:00.003-04:00

Last night I watched the episode of Deadliest Catch where Captain Phil Harris passed away. Even though I am not a huge fan of reality TV shows this one is different. We have seen these men and their colleagues/comrades and family member toil over one of the most difficult and dangerous jobs. The Captains of the boats have worked very hard their entire lives dedicating their energies and passion to the sea and fishing. The dedication of these men and their families (wives and children who are back at home) is commendable. Sure they're doing something that they love and has been ingrained in every fiber of their being. But what an inspiration.

Watching the family and friends hear of Phil's death was very difficult. The pain and shock in their eyes and body language was devastating. Throughout the show there were clips of people telling how Capt. Phil had influenced their lives by watching the show in their living rooms. There were words of wisdom repeated, funny anecdotes, and observations of a sincere, no-nonsense kind of guy. I really appreciated the show for the first time realizing that documenting someones life for TV isn't all that bad. We can all learn from others when we have the ability to step into their lives and see how someone else lives and breathes.

I could not stay up to watch the hour long tribute to Captain Phil. DH had to record it for me. I'd had enough sadness for one night. But before I headed upstairs to read my book I heard the narrator say, stick around to learn about the remarkable life of Captain Phil Harris.

Remarkable life.

I hope that when my time comes, my life will be considered remarkable. Let's face it. Not everyone lives a remarkable life. Some people take for granted what they are given and never do anything to better themselves. But you do not have to become President to have a remarkable life. Living an impressionable life is intimate to each individual. We can be remarkable to all those who love us in our own way.

As I have gotten older my drive to do something special with my life has increased. Hearing about the lives of my grandparents and the impression they made on friends, family, and colleagues inspired me to live every day to the fullest. Be a good person to all and do the best I can in everything I attempt. As my parents get older I am amazed at what a wonderful life they have lived together. They started dating on and off at 16. My mother recently gave me her cheerleading pin and my fathers fraternity pins from college. I wear them on my lapel every once in awhile. Their memory box is full and continues to over flow.

Recently I have made some big changes in my life- lifestyle changes. For the first time I finally decided to grow up and start really taking care of myself. 32 years old is the time to take back my health and do whatever I can to live a long life. I understand that I do not have control over what may happen to my body. We all have the potential to get sick or get in an accident of some sort. All the more reason to use what I have and appreciate my health and all the little things that make up me. I have started eating better. When I say eating better I mean actually eating meals. I have never had a big appetite, but I am now forcing myself to have balance in my life when it comes to my diet. We now make a point of sitting at the dining room table as a family to eat dinner. I want Min man to understand that dinner is an important time of the day to reconnect with one another- not watch TV.

I have stopped drinking alcohol. I do enjoy a Cor.ona or glass of wine but, in my attempts to cleanse my body I am giving it up for awhile. I have been running! My knees are shot so I will never be a long distance runner, but when I go on my fast walks, I have been jogging for a half mile or even a mile and then walking again. My husband has also committed himself to getting healthier. It is so much easier to make a big change like this when you have someone striving for a better lifestyle as well.

Life is a continual challenge full of lessons. So many things I experienced in my younger years are coming to light and making sense. I have begun to see how my life has unfolded up until now, why I faced this challenge and that difficult time. What's hard about life is being acutely aware that tough times are inevitable. Being mentally prepared that my life is going to continue to throw me curve balls helps me feel more in control.

I still face challenges, old challenges. I am still trying to make sense of many things but at the same exact time I am planning to live a full life. I decided not to hide from things that come into my life that are difficult. If I do not deal with them now, I will either have regret or a continual problem knawing away at me. I need to be able to look back and say I did everything I could to be healthy and happy so that I can give my son the mom he deserves. A whole person who is there for him 100%. And ultimately there for myself 100%. You only get one chance.

We all have the opportunity to instill an impression- big or small. Taking a leap of faith to go for that dream of opening a store or saving your money to make that long-awaited trip are the blocks placed on the foundation of our existence. We should all have a bucket list. But maybe it would be better to check off the items all throughout our life instead when it seems like time is running out.

My biggest goals awaiting a check mark:
Fulfillment
Happiness
Peace

Remarkable life, indeed.

Updates

2010-07-17T08:39:00.003-04:00

I am proud to announce that Parenthood for Me will be contacting the first grantees next week. We are able to help 4 couples on their path to parenthood. I cannot wait to give the details once things are finalized. Having this milestone almost complete I am rejuvinated to work hard again to raise more money.

PFM also has been lucky enough to add three additional board members. We are an all volunteer non-profit therefore, we rely heavily on people taking time out of their busy lives to help us fulfill our mission statement.

Welcome Abbey Naples, Jerry Furciniti, and Heather Smith.

Photo Friday- A Shout Out For My Skills

2010-07-02T15:56:00.007-04:00

To participate in Photo Friday visit Creating Motherhood.

Today's topic is displaying what I'm good at. Do I have skills? Sure do. Don't know how good at it I am but it is something I love to do- decorating. My husband calls me a pack rat but I love going to Estate sales and antiquing. Being a Realtor does not help because I am often able to buy items from seller's homes. I don't enjoy painting that much but I absolutely love putting a room together and seeing the finished product. The best part is hanging the curtains, picking out a rug or pillows and going into my arsenal of potential decorative items and choosing things that make the room complete.

When I see a particular item like a vintage tablecloth or depression glass plate, I know I can find the perfect spot for it- someday.

I don't like knick-knacks or cluttered spaces. Therefore, I switch a lot of things around during different times of the year.

Here are a few pictures of my home.

I purchased this carved bench at an Estate sale for $75. I made the curtains but am by no means a seamstress. I dabble. However, I do make most of my own curtains. I absolutely love picking out fabrics.

The picture on the bottom shelf is from a 1901 edition of Harper's Weekly. It is entitled "Motherhood." My mother gave this to me after Min man came home. (I wonder how long she had been hanging on to it. She's a "collector" as well.)
If you like old houses then you will appreciate their charm. Our house has all natural gum wood trim, 10 foot ceilings, a window seat and beautiful hardwood floors. The house almost decorates itself. This is a picture of our mantel. You can my paisley curtains in the mirror. The mirror is original to the house - 1922. It is beveled and pretty and makes the room feel larger. We are not sure if we want to keep it up or hand artwork. But one thing I will not allow is a plasma TV above the fireplace. I love displaying things on my mantel.

BTW, Calliope. I'm a pretty funny gal myself. Even though that may just be my opinion. I'm always cracking myself up. My son is obviously catching on. In case you didn't read the previous post here is his knock-knock joke.

Knock-Knock

Who's There?

Right there. (he raises his hand)

Perfect Moment Monday - Let's Go To The Movies

2010-06-28T14:21:00.003-04:00

I Capture Perfect Moments.

For more Perfect Moments please visit Weebles Wobblog.

Saturday night we took Min man to see Toy. Story. He is 3 and very active so I was a little nervous about his ability to stay seated for that long. What a complete joy to see him with his 3D glasses on, a bag a popcorn all for him, and his little legs barely reaching the edge of the chair.
He did fabulous.

He is at such a wonderful age. I cherish every day. I look at him in awe. He makes me laugh constantly.

Some of my favorites:
1) Jumping on my bed and when landing he says," 1-2-3- tomato sauce"
2) Starting to pretend and play using his imagination
3) Telling me how to drive "Red means stop and green means go, Mom"
4) Instead of "I don't like" he says," I can't like peppers."
5) His knock-knock joke:
" Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Right here" (and raises his arm)

Oh, I could go on and on...

ICLW June- Speed Dating IV

2010-06-21T12:11:00.004-04:00

Hello everyone. Thanks for visiting. I am an adoptive mom to a 3 year old, struggled to conceive through ART for four years, and founded a non profit. Please take a look around.

The following post describes one of my IF experiences:
A Pinker Shade of Pale

You can read more on the ride side bar under PFM Best Posts.

Here is a brief Q&A to get to know me better.

Q: Favorite food
A: Bagels and cream cheese

Q: Favorite place to visit
A: My cottage in the Thousand Islands

Q: What kind of car do you drive?
A: Honda C.R-V - sporty yet practical for the wintry Rochester weather

Q: Favorite season
A: Fall

Q: Chore you like doing least?
A: Putting away laundry

Q: What's on your playlist right now?
A: "Reflecting Light" Sam Philips - "My Good Gal" OCMS - "Nightingale" Norah Jones - "No Other Love" Chuck Prophet

Q: Why did you start blogging?
A: I began blogging to log our adoption journey and to speak about the perils of infertility. I created this blog after founding the non-profit as a way to connect with others, tell my story, and help educate on IF and adoption as well as miscarriage, stillbirth and surrogacy to name a few

Q: What's your middle name?
A: Catherine- I share it with my paternal grandmother and 2 other cousins

Q: What type of adoption did you do?
A: We adopted internationally from S. Korea. Our son was 15 months when he came home.

Q: Fears/ phobias?
A: I don't mind bugs or spiders. I don't mind heights. Swimming in the ocean scares me. I despise stuffed animal heads. Weird, I know.

Q: Biggest goal for the short term?
A: Finish my book! It has been a three year project

Q: Biggest goal for the long term?
A: Be a great mom and make my child feel loved and accepted.

Photo Friday

2010-06-18T10:30:00.004-04:00

I am so glad I am off work today 'cause I finally remembered to partake in

Photo Friday hosted by Creating Motherhood.

Me and my dad in 1979.

Sitting on the back patio with the blooming rhodendendrum (spelling please?). My parents still live in this house. I go there almost every day. There are so many wonderful memories. Many people in my life call me Eri. My dad has always called me Eri. Well, my nickname was "Squirt" until about age 9 when I had a talk with him and said it was about time to let that one go! I never felt like a "daddy's little girl" because my father always taught me to be independent, mow the lawn, fix things myself. But when I see this picture and look at his face I know I was his special baby girl.

Glass Half Full

2010-06-09T21:02:00.003-04:00

I had a bad day. Thanks for all the kind words yesterday.

What infertility has given me:

1) My son

2) The knowledge that millions of my fellow Americans suffer from this disease/condition and need help getting through it

3) My love of writing back

4) Many new friends

5) A greater appreciation for life

6) A greater appreciate for the creation of life and the miraculous nature of giving birth to a healthy and happy baby

7) A not for profit venture

8) New career goals

9) My book (Still a work in progress. But I finally discovered a good title.)

10) A little boy calling me "mom"

11) Empathy

12) Strength

13) Coping skills

14) Sidewalk chalk and a kiddie pool in my back yard

15) The gift of adoption and a better understanding of what adoption means for all parties involved

16) a 3 year old who hugs me and tells me not to cry and it will be alright

Recycled Packaging

2010-06-07T17:02:00.005-04:00

I am all for saving the environment. I love the song, "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" by Ja.ck Johnson. Min man knows when to put things in our recycle bin, and I always make a point to bring my reusable shopping bags to the store.

What I don't like is the fact I am now experiencing a bit of deja vu in the form of old emotions drying up my existence. These are emotions that have run through me, run over me, and run my life. Is it possible to feel the same amount of pain due to infertility all over again? Better still, is it possible to feel a more intense pain? I didn't think so. But after feeling quite shitty for a few weeks, the emotions spilled over in the past few days and my mood has plummeted.

Sadness, feeling helpless due to my inability to conceive, grieving over not having the number of children I long for, never experiencing pregnancy to term, and not being able to give Min man a sibling. Seeing pregnant women, families with more than one child, women walking their babies together in strollers, posts on face.book, pregnancy and birth announcements are all tough again. I wonder if I have simply been suppressing my inner desire to scoff at all of these things and now I am burnt out. At this time I may not be able to hide the fact that I am bitter.

My analytical side wants an answer. If I figure out a reason for this overwhelming sadness, maybe it will go away.

In part I feel alone in my sadness again. I find it hard to tell anyone how bad I still feel about infertility when I have such a beautiful son. I meant every word when I said I would never change one thing about the four years of trying to conceive because it led us to adopting Min man. I'm really not sure people will understand why I am still grieving. I also feel uncomfortable talking to most women because I don't want to make them feel bad. By this point most people I know have two children if not more. I do not want to put them in an awkward position. And I certainly do not want pity.

Putting away Min man's high chair, changing table, onesies, and cutesy clothes from last summer has been very difficult because I cannot help but wonder, will I ever need to use these things again? How long should we hang on to these baby items before we know there will be no other babies in this house? My heart hurts. All over again my heart hurts so badly that the tears well in my eyes several times a day.

I thought I had this figured out. I became a mom through adoption. I love our family. I started a non-profit to channel my energies and experience in order to help others. I lived by the mantra that everything works out the way it is supposed to. Why has that mentality slipped?

I don't want all of these emotions back and being reused and recycled. How about reduce- REDUCE.

I just want to know why I cannot have a baby. Why?

Is it really never going to happen for me? Will I be 50 and still feeling sad I never was able to experience pregnancy? I will never have that connection with my child, feel my body change, anticipate the birth and be with my baby the instant they breath? Will I always have to avoid conversations about labor, breast feeding, and cute maternity clothes?

Lately I cannot fathom how we would have a second child. Nearly 3 years into our international adoption we are still waiting for INS clearance for Min man to go across the border (gov't red tape that cost us another $400). Coming up with a plan to do any adoption seems extremely daunting and the cost would put off many plans we have for our house. That's a great choice- brand new kitchen or child? Why do we have to make these decisions? Domestic adoption is wonderful but would be brand new to us. Anything brand new is scary and we have been through so much. ART? Ugh. The time, money, emotional roller coaster- none are appealing and there is not a strong enough pull mentally to move forward with medical assistance on a pro/con list. I feel stuck. Options, yes. But not the options I really want.
2 more babies and yes, maybe even a mini-van. New baby wearing Min-man's hand-me-down jammies and socks. New baby riding on his beloved bus that now sits in the attic. New baby...

I feel very empty when I hear names that would be great for another child. I am a big name person. When I was younger writing my stories, I toiled over the character's names. A name makes a person. I have several names tucked away for a boy or girl. They have been on my mind for seven years. Every once in a while I would think of something new and reorganize the list. Trying not to hold on to the names any longer, I find myself with a pang of solace when I hear a great name for a future child. Why torture myself further? I tell people my names now. Maybe they can use them.

Because of what I am trying to do for others I should be in a better position mentally. Maybe I am wrong about that. I know that part of why PFM has helped many people is because of my ability to understand and relate or at the very least empathize. I hope it is not a disappointment that I too struggle almost daily with infertility and how it has changed me. I hope that people who look to me for hope do not want to close out of my blog and never return. Who needs one more reminder that this sucks?

I wonder if this rekindling of feelings is a form of shell shock. There has been several years to reflect on the devastation of our experience. Emotions and thoughts I could not bear to feel may now be surfacing. There is only so much disappointment and anguish one person can take. Last night it occurred to me that I have created life with my husband. Yes, they were only a few days old but they existed. They could have been a real live baby. We have six lost embryos that lived for days, a week?, and in one case, seven weeks in my body until we had to terminate the pregnancy.

Not thinking clearly acting all on emotion I frantically searched through boxes in our attic to find the picture of our embryos. I could hardly see I was crying so hard. I knew I had saved one of the pictures. After rummaging through several of my memory boxes there they were. The 3 beautiful embryos we created on our first official IVF cycle dated June 2006. I was so relieved that I did not throw the picture away out of sadness and anger. Because in that picture is the embryo that I carried for seven weeks. My only official pregnancy. Perhaps the only time I will ever be able to feel my abdomen and whisper the words, "I'm pregnant."

Grief does not cease. It is an emotion that resides under the skin, at the nape of the neck, and within the heart. Knowing I have to learn to live with this grief seems impossible at times. I want peace with this portion of my life. Peace in understanding the big picture.

Perfect Moment Monday - "Abre"

2010-05-24T19:44:00.003-04:00

Check out Weebles Wobblog for more Perfect Moments.

My perfect moment came at about 4 pm this afternoon after a series of not-so-perfect moments. Moments where a 3 year old refuses to take a nap even though he is extremely tired and cranky. Min man has reached the stage where he is vocalizing his opinions more and pointing his finger when he does not want to do something.

I spent two hours trying to get him to fall asleep. I spent this amount of time because I am trying to teach him that even though he does not want to do something, he has to do it 'cause I said so!

After the eighth time of going into Min man's room and telling him to lay down I hear him jump out of bed and start messing with things in his room. I suck in my breath before yelling out his name and I hear," Open the door. Abre, abre."

I laughed out loud. Last night when watching Dora he learned the word for open- "abre"

What am I supposed to do with that other than chuckle and forget about a nap for today?

Happy ICLW- May

2010-05-22T08:58:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Parenthood for Me. This is my blog about being an adoptive mom, struggling through infertility, motherhood to a 3 year old, starting and now running a national non-profit to help people build families through adoption or medical intervention.

Visit our website- www.parenthoodforme.org

and find us on Facebook- Parenthood for Me.org

Here are a few of my favorite posts.

Adoptive Parents Are Expecting Too

A Pinker Shade of Pale

What I Thought I Couldn't Have

Thanks for visiting!

Not My Favorite Place

2010-05-19T07:48:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I had to take my dad to the hospital where I started all my infertility treatments. I had not been there in nearly four years. My dad asked me if I knew where the parking garage was. Unfortunately, yes. I drove to that hospital, entered that garage, grabbed my ticket, fought for a parking spot, walked down the steps, through the elevators, and down the long hall to the fertility center way too many times. Sometimes I was there 3 times a week.

There were times I went there filled with hope because we were starting an IUI or gearing up for IVF. But for the most part entering that hospital deflated my soul and brought on a huge wave of sadness. Either I was dreading the painful blood draws or uncomfortable ultrasounds or waiting to hear bad news. There was rarely anything good that came from my visits to that fertility clinic.

I walked down to the lobby where the coffee and bagels are served and remembered sitting in those chairs with AJ waiting for the second half of the IUI or the transfer to happen after IVF. Sitting in that lobby was the only time we were there for something positive to happen. Maybe this time it would work.

I have no idea how many times I went to that hospital over the course of 2 1/2 years; it could be 100. Being there was always a reminder that I could not get pregnant. Often I would see women being wheeled out with their beautiful babies. My already fragile heart took another hit. My average visit there was 45 minutes long. Think about all that time I can never get back. Most times when I left an appointment I already had another one scheduled. My life was bound up in infertility, strangled by the unpredictable schedule of when my body would be ready for an IUI or IVF.

No we cannot go on that weekend getaway, sorry. We have something going on.

I can't make your rehearsal dinner because my body is so bloated an uncomfortable that I can't wear anything but sweatpants.

So and so's baby shower? Uh, I have to work that afternoon.

After my ectopic pregnancy was discovered that hospital became a black hole. It took over 2 months for my pregnancy to fully terminate. I was rushed there one afternoon in excruciating pain fearing I would have to have surgery to lose my tube. My mother drove me and AJ met us there. It was at that time I realized I was done. Something had to change. Mentally and physically that hospital would never provide me with the dream I so longed for.

There will always be some places, some people that invoke memories that are extremely painful. This is the stamp infertility has placed on my life. It is almost like a brand. A painful brand of lost dreams, life changing pain, and soul searching I never thought I would face.

Most times when I had an appointment I had to go alone. Being alone in infertility is probably one of the worst parts. There was always a waiting room full of hopeful women or sometimes already-moms and their toddlers potentially hoping for another child. But I never found comfort in my infertility comrades because I did not want to be there.

I'm sure none of them did either. We were all alone but together in our plight to pummel infertility and live out our dreams.

Essay Contest Winner... Finally!

2010-05-11T21:11:00.003-04:00

Sorry that it took more so long to pick the winner for PFM's third essay contest for education on Adoption, Loss, and Infertility. Thank you to all who participated.

We are proud to announce that Martha from A Watched Belly Never Grows is the winner of the contest. She speaks of her losses and trying to get through the days. The pain is evident in her words, "This is my life now.Trying to live with my disappointment.Trying to survive this loss."

Thank you, Martha for sharing your story.

The Room - 11/2/09

It's there. In the house. The room that was to be the boys' room. It's filled with baby boy clothes, toys, a crib, a car seat, broken dreams, dashed hopes, lots of sadness. I haven't set foot in that room since we moved in. The crib was never set up in there, the decorations never hung on the wall, the walls never painted. I can't even tell you what the closet looks like in there - the last time I saw it, I was pregnant and we didn't own the house and now, I can't really remember life before April 8th.

I walk past the door about 14 times a day and I think, "I'm never going to get in that room." I lay in bed at night and I can see the door from where I lay and I think, "I'm never going to get up in the middle of the night, pad across the hall, scoop up my crying baby and rock him back to sleep. It's never going to happen for me." I lay there, not sleeping, staring at the door.

This is my life now. Trying to live with my disappointment. Trying to survive this loss. I thought I was doing okay but really, these last few weeks...I'm not. I'm not okay. I want so badly to look at the people around me and say, "help me. Please, help me. I'm hurt and I can't go to the doctor to fix it because it's deep down inside....they won't know what to do for me...Someone please just take me in your arms and hold me, let me cry..." I have conversations with people about the weather, books, shopping, whatever but my eyes are searching their faces, begging, "please, ask me how I am...ask me about them...ask me if I'm okay....but only if your prepared for the answer...I can't freely give this information if you don't mean it when you ask the question, if you are not prepared for the answer then don't ask..."

But I don't. I'm supposed to be better. I'm supposed to be moving forward. The people around me, they have lives, they can't be taking care of me. I have to take care of myself and Hubby. I've always taken care of myself. Always. I have to be strong, I can't fall apart again.

I want to get into that room...I want a baby to hold and cuddle and love who will live in that room but I fear that will never happen. I want my boys and I KNOW that won't happen.

Maya Abdominal Massage

2010-05-10T20:53:00.011-04:00

CNY Fertility and Healing Arts located in Albany, Syracuse, and Rochester combines both Eastern and Western Medicine to help with fertility and mind/body health.

Here are some pictures of their beautiful facility. Walking through the door brings an automatic calm with soothing music, fragrances and a warm atmosphere. The stress of every day life gets turned down about 50 notches which is good for everyone especially those going through infertility.

If you can read this sign, check out their pricing for ART!

Compared to the cold, sterile environment of hospital, CNY Fertility Center feels like zen.

I recently went to CNY Fertility Center here in Rochester for a Maya Abdominal Massage for fertility. Erin was my LMT and qualified practitioner. The room was very relaxing and Erin went over the steps of the massage with me prior to beginning. I am getting sleepy just thinking about the soothing feeling of massage and how it helps the mind, body, and spirit.

A Maya Abdominal Massage is a non-invasive, external message technique. It guides internal abdominal organs into their proper position for optimum health and well-being. Maya massage improves organ function by releasing physical and emotional congestion from the abdomen. Both men and women can benefit from this type of massage.

The following are common symptoms relieved by Maya Abdominal Massage

Women:

displaced or prolapsed uterus
painful periods and ovulation
irregular menstrual cycles and ovulation
no menstruation at all
miscarriage or difficult pregnancy
infertility
bladder or yeast infections
endometriosis
uterine polyps
painful intercourse
PMS/ Depression
ovarian cysts
peri menopause, menopausal symptoms

Men

early states of prostrate swelling
prostatitis
impo.tency problems
benign prostatic hyperplasia

Everyone

headaches/ migraines
digestive disorders
Chron's disease
frequent urination
alleviates varicose veins

For more information about Maya Abdominal Massage reference the following books:

"Touching the Core: The Art and Intelligence of Maya Abdominal Massage" by Diane McDonald

"Rainforest Home Remedies: The Maya Way to Heal Your Body and Replenish Your Soul" by Dr. Rosita Arvigo

What Sunday Brings

2010-05-08T08:20:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow may be a very painful day for many. I still feel weird about the whole Mother's Day thing. My son is too young to understand what we are celebrating. I am his mom every day. Tomorrow does not make things any different. This is my third year as a mother. The first year Min man wasn't home from Korea yet. He was supposed to be home in March and when May came and went, it was hard. My husband gave me a lilac bush and it was nice but I did not feel like I should have been part of the celebration.

I cannot help but think of all those out there who will avoid the topic of Mother's Day or feel like crawling in a hole because they have to attend a gathering or BBQ. The holiday is a very painful reminder of what infertiles want so badly. There is a special day set aside for mother's and it is one more thing that makes them feel left out.

I used to hate it when random people would say to me," Happy Mother's Day." One year I had to do an open house on Mother's Day. I was so angry that I had to be there because if I was a mom the way I had been hoping to be for so many years, I could have said, "Sorry, it's mother's day and I will be spending time with my family."

When I got there, the client wished me a happy mother's day and my heart sank. I couldn't muster a thank you. What the heck for? You shouldn't send well wishes for a holiday that may not pertain to everyone. You can say happy Memorial Day because that is a national holiday that we can all recognize. But I was mad that because I was a woman that I am expected to be a mom.

I will never forget the pain I felt when being reminded once again that motherhood may be unattainable for me. Mother's Day is a soul smasher for sure. I am thinking of all of you. And, even though I have Min man and may receive another lilac bush tomorrow, I still grieve over many things due to infertility. It has been a process that leaves an impression on my heart whether it is for myself or the countless men and women out there struggling with infertility.

Perfect Moment Monday- Monkey Tumbler

2010-05-03T17:13:00.004-04:00

Check out Lori's for more Perfect Moments.

This may seem very trivial, but when I notice these moments, a smile automatically comes to my face. We are finally getting around to re-doing our downstairs bathroom after nearly 2 years of living in the house. A new light was installed and now I am prepping the walls to paint. (I should do a before and after photo). We are not going overboard on this project because we actually plan on opening up the back of the house for an addition; yeah, we're playing the lottery weekly.

Anyway, I had to go buy a new towel bar, switch plate cover, towels, and shower curtain. When I was in the bathroom-stuff aisle I noticed the kiddie bathroom supplies such as train toothbrush holders and goofy rugs. As Min man gets older he becomes more independent so I thought it would be nice to give him a little space of his own. I bought a cute monkey toothbrush holder and tumbler just for him. He has his own bathroom to brush his teeth.

These ordinary purchases and decisions sometimes alert my brain to a time when I would have given anything to purchase silly bathroom paraphernalia. I remember walking through many aisles in many stores where so many tangible items were ready to be purchased but simply scoffed at me.

Now as the days pass and different milestones come and go I remain grateful when Min man needs new sneakers and little big-man undershirts like daddy. I try not to spoil Min man. But it also felt good to see a Buzz.Lightyear action figure on clearance and throw it in the cart. He just found this movie and absolutely loves it. Nothing pleases me more than when he says,"Mom, to 'finity and 'yond."

National Infertility Awareness Week

2010-04-30T07:06:00.004-04:00

This week is NIAW. It is a time to raise awareness and support those going through infertility. I have finally been able to sit down and read "Silent Sorority" by Pamela Tsigdinos or Pammie as she is referred to by loved ones. I bought the book many months ago but due to the fundraiser had little free time to read. I am glad I waited because the book is amazing, and I am enjoying devoting my full attention to the content.

I emailed Pamela to tell her I was on page 50 and thought the book is amazingly well written. Her story is bringing up many difficult emotions for me and I journey with her along her path to become a mother. I am reliving the pain of all the negative pregnancy tests, the groups of women who sit and chatter about nothing but their pregnancies, newborns, and feeding schedules, the ups and downs of infertility treatments.

As much as I have moved on the chapters of "Silent Sorority" are a reminder of how fresh the wounds still are. I imagine that my heart will always have a tender spot for pregnancy and the lost dreams I have to live with. Pamela writes about one of her experiences at a baby shower. I found her words made my heart ache with remembering the countless times I attended these events feeling like the pink elephant in the room.

"That evening I was spent. My face muscles ached from being held in a perpetual false smile. My strength and energy had been eroded...My soul was bleeding."

I have often spoken of infertility as a chronic illness. I am very aware of the pain of chronic illness as I also suffer from depression. These two diseases correlate very well when it comes to coping and living with a silent, dull ache all the time. "Silent Sorority" vindicated my emotions with Pamela's relation to infertility coinciding with her grandmother, Stella's horrible arthritis.

"I realized that arthritis is a great metaphor for infertility. Sometimes it was a dull sensation sensation, barely recognizable in the course of a day, but it was always there. It was becoming clear to me that each day brought a new degree of discomfort."

I have not yet finished "Silent Sorority" but cannot wait to read the Pamela's journey and relive the emotions she felt during this difficult time in her life. Even though it is hard to read the book, I am so glad that she had the courage to write down her thoughts. The chapters reveal the pain and hardship of all that infertility presents. And for those that choose to live a child free life after infertility, I hope this book will give them comfort that they are not alone.

You can purchase "Silent Sorority" on Pamela's website and blog:

Adoption Angles Podcast

2010-04-27T09:59:00.002-04:00

I finally mustered up the courage to watch my spot on Adoption Angles last week. I had some technological difficulties in the beginning to say the least. There was a horrible screeching noise because my volume was turned up on my computer. It took three times for Mel and the viewers to convince me to mute my computer. I did not understand how they could still hear me. LOL. Oh, well. It's kind of funny.

If you can get through the beginning, here is the link to the show.

Adoption Angles- Parenthood for Me

You will all be able to see what I am really like and hear some things about my personal journey that I have never talked about before.

Thanks, Mel. It was a great experience!

Words From The Heart

2010-04-24T09:14:00.002-04:00

The deadline just passed for the first grant application submissions. We received over 200 requests for applications from all over the country. I do not review the applications so I'm not sure how many came. The recipients will be notified by June 15. I cannot believe that in 18 months time an idea has turned into reality. I am humbled by the emails and phone calls I received from people dreaming of parenthood.

The Family-Building Dinner was a wonderful experience. One of my personal goals for the evening beyond raising money for the endowment was to provide a forum to educate on infertility and adoption. The guests who attended without personal experience left with a better understanding of our non-profit and more importantly, infertility and adoption. I hope that they believe in our cause and will attend next year.

I gave a short speech to thank everyone for making the fundraiser a success. I thanked all of the people who have contributed to making PFM grow so rapidly, for believing in the cause enough to take time out of their busy lives to help. For believing in me. I also gave out the very first Commitment to Excellence Award to our Fundraising Committee Chairman, Kevin Mulcahy. Below is the speech I recited. It was hard for me not to get emotional that night. I admit, I'm a cryer- big time. I choked up a bit but made it through. I felt a lot of different emotions at the dinner, all good.

Thank you to everyone for being here this evening. Your presence and generous donations will make a difference in the lives of those who struggle with infertility and dream of being parents and building their family. We have received nearly 175 requests for applications from all over the country including Utah, California, Ohio, and Florida. Many of the letters thank Parenthood for Me for giving them hope that they too will become a mom and a dad.
Thank you to CNY Fertility and Dr. Kiltz for supporting our efforts. The partnership we are forging will help both of us have continued success in our equal mission to bring affordability to those who need medical assistance to conceive, to support those that need a shoulder to cry on, and to continue to educate on infertility choices for patients including adoption.

Parenthood for Me started as an idea one evening late in 2008. My husband, AJ and I wanted to make a difference in the lives of those who bore the burden of infertility and those who wished to adopt. So I thought of a name, reserved a domain, bought a “how to make it in the non-profit world” book, printed business cards on my computer and started telling everyone I knew that I started a non-profit.

I have met so many wonderful and inspiring people in the past 18 months. I am humbled by the support and respect I have received from people at home and all over the country- many of them strangers who I will never meet face to face.

The board of directors who received a random letter from me asking them to consider volunteering their time for a cause close to my heart, joined in this venture to create an organization that enables the dream of having a family. It has been a pleasure working with all of you and seeing our non-profit grow so rapidly. Your hard work and efforts have allowed me to continue on during those days when I wondered what I got myself into. Some of you have known me since the day I was born and others are new, life- long friends. I will never forget how you have helped me make this dream a reality. And if friends are the family we choose, I must acknowledge the gift of the Mulcahy family for your love and presence in my family’s life.

The Board of Directors has awarded the very first Recognition of Service Award to both Deborah Wittenberg and Beth Brownstein for serving on the original board during the first monumental year of our existence. They could not be here this evening but we greatly appreciate all they did to help establish Parenthood for Me.

Many people advised us not to throw a big fundraiser so early into our venture. But for those of you who know me well, I am pretty determined. I would be remiss if I did not tell everyone that we would not be here today without the dedication and help from my friend and Committee Chairman, Kevin Mulcahy. Through his hard work and determination we were able to put together a lovely event that will raise a significant amount of money and awareness to help those struggling with infertility and those who long to adopt. He has taken on this cause as if he experienced first-hand the hardship of wanting to be a father. I am amazed at his willingness to learn and understand what so many people worry and grieve over every single day.
To my friend and colleague I present you with the very first Parenthood for Me Commitment to Excellence Award.

There once was a time when all I thought of was what infertility had taken away from me- the ability to plan my life, the experience of pregnancy, and the assurance that I would be a mom someday. Now what I think about is all the wonderful things that infertility has given me. I am changed forever and have been given so many gifts to carry with me throughout the rest of my life. I learned that it is not the struggles that we face but what we do with them that alters our path.

Nothing could be more true than the words of Margaret Fuller- “What a difference it makes to come home to a child.”

Thank you again for taking the time out of your busy lives to be here. And when you receive news of the first grant recipients in June, understand that your support played a key role in making that happen. We hope to see you next year with many more wonderful accomplishments and experiences to report.

And, now I would like to share some thoughts and words written to me in emails from people requesting help from PFM. I wish I could help everyone. And I simply cannot believe that we are offering hope to people. I remember very clearly all the times I felt hopeless on my journey to being a parent. If I have been able to instill hope, then I have completed one of my life's dreams and Parenthood for Me has been a wonderful success. Besides being a mom, working for PFM may just be the most important thing I do with my life.

"Thanks for your help and your support to help people through adoptions and infertility procedures. We have ventured through both and know the challenges that can arise from each."

"Thank you for this opportunity. It is so wonderful to know that there are organizations like yours that help build happy families."

"It is frustrating because at this point, the only thing between us and parenthood is about $20,000.00"

"Thank you in advance for this opportunity for us to experience parenthood. It is organizations like you who make our dreams a reality."

"Thanks for your time, and frankly, your existence."

"I think this is wonderful what you are doing to provide resources and financial assistance, but moreso the companionship for infertile and adopting families."

"Thank you so very much for all that you do for adoptive families and orphans around the world."

"Thank you so much for having an organization such as this for those of us who have unique steps in becoming parents."

When I am exhausted and unsure whether I can continue to devote so much of my life to PFM, I re-read these emails. I appreciate the sentiment and those who share their stories and thoughts.

As I sit on my couch finishing up this post my beautiful son sits next to me, wraps his arm around my neck and says,"C'mon, dear." My heart swells at how lucky I am that my life has turned down this path.

Podcast Debut- Adoption Angles

2010-04-21T20:42:00.001-04:00

Hi all. I am just about to be on Adoption Angles with Mel!

Sip some wine and check out my crib!

Misunderstanding Miscarriage - Part I

2010-04-19T09:22:00.001-04:00

Here is my latest Examiner Article.

Misunderstanding Miscarriage- Part I

Thank you to those who shared their thoughts. There will be a second article.

Images Of The Family-Building Dinner and Silent Auction

2010-04-12T16:57:00.005-04:00

Parenthood for Me's 1st Annual Family-Building Dinner and Silent Auction held April 10, 2010 was a marvelous success.

There were 112 people in attendance. We raised over $6,000 for our endowment. I am proud to announce that 100% of all the donations for the dinner including ticket sales, individual donations, and silent auction donations were put into our endowment.

Thank you to all of the sponsors of the event. It is due to their generosity that we were able to raise a significant amount of money that will go towards the first grant recipients in June.

We have received over 175 grant application requests from all over the US. The Grant Review Committee is now reviewing applications and the final decision will be made June 15.

I am overwhelmed with the support we have received in our endeavor to help build families. Here are some images from the fundraiser taken by my friend, Heather Cicione. She has a photography business and donated her time and talents to help document our very first big fundraiser. Please visit her website. Heather Cicione Photography.

Erica and the Chairman of the Board, Chuck Montante

Sally Bacchetta delivering the keynote address: "The Secret Gift of Birth Parents"

Hand made favors

Our sponsor CNY Fertility Center

The Board of Directors

The Rochester Yacht Club.

Erica and AJ Schlaefer- the founders

Kevin Mulcay- Recipient of the 2010 Commitment to Excellence Award

The President and Committee Chairman celebrating

Board member, Melissa Mulcahy

(More to come...)

Hiatus

2010-04-07T19:51:00.003-04:00

I have really missed writing on my blog. The Family-Building Dinner is Saturday and the preparations have taken up all my time and my brain power.

I am so excited to see everything come together. We have over 100 attendees and hope to have a very successful silent auction. The grant applications are rolling in and we will be awarding our first grants in June!

I have the entries for the blog entry/essay contest sitting in the queue. I will not be able to pick a winner until next week. Thank you to those who entered submissions. Real life stories are the best way to educate on infertility and adoption.

The adoption tax credit has been extended and enhanced to over over $13,000. It will sunset in 2012. Let's hope the federal government continues to offer the tax credit to adoptive parents.

Things are well on the home front. Min man is cute as ever. With the turn in weather we have been able to get out the bikes and scooters and sidewalk chalk. It feels great to have the windows open and feel a warm breeze.

Next week I cannot wait to compose a long post about the dinner and show everyone pictures of how it turned out.

We are so thankful to everyone who has made a contribution to the event and continues to support PFM. We are all a part of changing people's lives.

Here is a link to a local on-line article about Parenthood for Me:

Her Rochester

I have saturated our local media. It's weird for me to be all over the news and on the radio.

Next step is national news. Here's to hoping!

Help Raise Awareness With Your Story

2010-03-26T16:15:00.001-04:00

The third PFM Blog Post/ Essay Contest has a deadling of March 31. Please submit your favorite post or compse an essay to help educate others on Adoption, Loss, and Infertility.

The rules are posted on the right side bar.
The winner receives a PFM tshirt and set of our stationery notecards. And the winning entry will be put on Parenthoodforme.org.

Thanks for participating.

Have a great weekend.

Perfect Moment Monday- Tanti Auguri

2010-03-21T19:54:00.003-04:00

My baby turns 3 today.

We had a wonderful birthday weekend and I am in awe about how fast time has flown. We found out that Min man would be our son when he was 8 months old. It is hard to believe that our little boy lived in this world for that long before we knew he existed.

Today is a special day to remember his first parents. I am so grateful for Min man's birth parents. I noticed recently that I have not spoken about Min man's birth parents much. This is not because I do not think of them often when I look at my son. It is because I am not sure what to say. How does one describe the feeling of gratitude for bringing their child into the world? How do I say that I will never understand what it must have been like to make the incredibly difficult but selfless decision to give their child a better life?

Where would I be if Min man did not exist? I really have no idea.

Happy birthday to my dear little boy. I look forward to every day we have together. You have changed my life completely.

Please visit Weebles Wobblog for more Perfect Moments.

Guest Author- April all Year

2010-03-16T20:57:00.003-04:00

Parenthood for Me has partnered with CNY Fertility for our Family-Building Dinner and Silent Auction. Please visit their website to learn about this wonderful organization founded by Dr. Robert Kiltz, MD.

And now for the guest author:

April is a CNY fertility patient who has been on her journey to fertility for approximately three years. April has been sharing candid stories and a unique perspective on the fertility challenges many women and couples face. You can find her weekly posts on cnyfertility.com.

My Story

Patience has never been one of my virtues, but rather a skill I have been learning and re-learning over the years. In my journey to becoming a mother, I have had to readjust my initial plans. Fellow mothers-to-be, I decided that in April of 2007 we would begin trying to conceive so I would have my baby sometime in the spring of 2008. Then I would be able to take the rest of the school year off. (By the way, I am a high school English teacher.) In my head, the plan was perfect. Then the universe, or in my case, God, decided that I still had a few lessons to learn. In June of 2007, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

There were two questions I had for the doctor when he told me I had MS.

1.) Was I going to die early? and

2.) was I going to be able to have children?

Here I was, being diagnosed with what can be a disabling and debilitating disease, and the second question out of my mouth was if I could still have children. (The neurologist happily informed me I was not going to die early and that I could safely conceive children.) Friends, once we yearn for a baby there is little else that we are able to consider. In telling you about my initial reactions to my MS diagnosis, I simply want to let you know, that I get it – the feeling that maybe I am not meant to be a mother (what a sad thought), that choked up emotion that surfaces when I hear yet another one of my colleagues is pregnant, the tears that well when I begin yet another cycle. I have been trying to conceive for nearly three years and my journey has been a challenging, frightening, and enlightening experience.

Before I finish this week’s guest post, I have an intention for you. Is there anything you can do to embrace motherhood –not simply your motherhood, but motherhood in general? For example, I helped my best friend throw a baby shower last May. When I was telling my mom, she said that must have been hard for me; but for the first time in approximately two years, attending someone else’s baby shower was not an anxiety inducing event. I did not have to lock myself in the bathroom for any moments of escape nor did I have to give myself a pep talk before the event. Instead, I asked the mother-to-be to rub up against me as many times as she could before she left in hopes that her fertile hormones would rub off on my nearly fertile hormones. I sat with a table full of mothers who were discussing their childbirth stories and did not flinch when another woman asked me if I had any kids. Nor did I begin to tell her all about my fertility woes. A year ago, my response to this question would have been a 20 minute life story synopsis. Instead, I just moved on and focused on their stories because, ladies, one day I am going to be sharing my baby news. How did I get to the point where I am able to embrace others’ fertility?

That is a topic for a future post. I hope you will continue to follow my story! I plan to guest post on Parenthood for Me again, but you can also follow me by visiting cnyfertility.com and looking for April’s Journey to Fertility under the Recent News section.

Envision the outcome and embrace all motherhood. We will be mothers!

Blessings,
April all Year

Need Your Help- UPDATE

2010-03-16T12:43:00.004-04:00

WeeblesWobblog.com

Thank you to all who voted for Parenthood for Me. I won!

Lori and I are donating $40 to Share Souther Vermont.

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Limerick Contest
Finale going on right now. Please vote for Parenthood for Me. Ask some friends. It's for a good cause.

Click here to visit Weebles wobblog.

If I win I will be donating $40 to Share Southern Vermont- Infant Loss and Miscarriage Support.

Thanks everyone!

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Our Fertility Is Not A Guarantee

2010-03-13T08:21:00.002-05:00

For many couples the decision to have a baby comes at a time when they are ready to take on the challenge of parenthood. That decision unfolds a plan for the future and those includes all of the wonderful images and dreams of bringing a child into this world. However, for 1 in 6 couples conceiving a child may prove to be the biggest challenge of their life.

There are 7.4 million Americans who suffer from the disease of infertility (resolve.org). Adding to that number are people who either have not sought help from a Reproductive Endocrinologist or have not realized that their fertility may be affected.

Not many of us plan to have difficulty having children. In fact, we are more worried about preventing pregnancy until a certain point in life. Most women believe that when they are ready, they will be able to get pregnant without much effort at all. In the majority of cases this proves to be true. What we do not think about are the men and women who try for several years to conceive a child or carry a baby to full term.

Infertility is a multi faceted problem that affects a person’s life on many different levels. “Experiencing infertility affects all relationships in one’s life including how one feels about themselves,” states Dr. Rosalind Hayes, MD a reproductive endocrinologist and gynecologist from Rochester Fertility Care.

Not only do people faced with infertility have to ponder whether or not they will ever become parents. They are forced to endure many of the social effects of infertility such as feeling left out from their peer group, isolated, and fielding constant questions about when they are going to have a family. Every pregnancy announcement and baby shower is a constant reminder of the pain they are feeling. Not being able to have a child is a devastating loss on many levels. Many people have a picture of what their future children will look like, how many children they would like to have, and plans of when they hope to become parents. All of these dreams can be crushed by the perils of infertility. Losing the ability to plan one’s family leaves people feeling powerless, frustrated, angry, and sad.

Sheldon D. Malett, Ph.D counsels those going through the life crisis of infertility. He explains,” Infertility can threaten one’s identity . For example, if a woman has always wanted to be a mom, her core identity is at risk due to infertility. It is not unusual for a man to say that his pain is that he is unable to relieve his wife’s pain- one of the responsibilities that many men believe is part of their role as husband.”

Dr. Malett also explains that infertility can threaten one’s feelings of self-worth. It is quite common for men and women to feel ashamed if they are unable to conceive a child.
Because infertility is still considered a private subject and somewhat taboo in our society, there are many misconceptions about the severity of a diagnosis of infertility. Many people dismiss the grief and loss experienced when trying to conceive without success. Often time infertile couples have to hear insensitive advice and remarks when they reveal their difficulty having a child. Even though infertility is a medical condition, the perception is that one is in complete control over their fertility. It is difficult for an infertile person to clearly identify why their circumstances are so egregious when speaking with someone who has no personal experience with the struggle.
According to Melissa Ford, author of “Navigating the Land of IF” and the blog, Stirrup Queens infertility has the potential to separate people as much as it also has the potential to bring those experiencing it together. “Other parents are getting to experience in the here and now what someone experiencing infertility is working so hard to reach. It would be like the entire school making the cheerleading squad except you and having to walk down the hallway on game day with all those skirts and pom-poms as a visual reminder. Of course your friends would talk about the latest cheers they've learned--it's understandable because it's something they all share together. But their talk, their outfits, their new schedule and plans all reflect what you also worked hard to achieve, and for whatever reason, didn't make the squad. Only with infertility, game day is every day.”

If you or someone you know needs help conceiving.

Infertility is defined as trying to conceive for one year (if under the age of 35 for women) without success. For women 35 and over it is six months. If after consulting with your doctor it established that you need to take the next step and consult with a fertility specialist, there are crucial steps to keep in mind. Fertility specialists for women are called Reproductive Endocrinologists. They are trained as gynecologists and obstetricians with 2-3 years of additional training in infertility and women's hormone disorders. There are many OB/GYN's who limit their practice to infertility to provide care for women with infertility diagnosis. For men there are urologists who have additional training for fertility and spend their time caring for men with infertility. Many of them are members of the Society of Male Reproduction and Urology (SMRU).

Finding an Infertility Specialist:

Check the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, the professional society for medical professionals who specialize in the care of individuals with fertility problems. You can also contact patient support and advocacy groups such as RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association or The American Fertility Association to find a list of fertility professionals in your area. Do your research and try to find opinions from past patients of a particular specialist. You can get help from various chat rooms devoted to infertility.

National Infertility Awareness Week is April 24- May1, 2010.

Perfect Moment Monday

2010-03-08T16:06:00.002-05:00

Min man is laying in bed with us on Saturday morning. Our dog Lucy is there as well. Min man points to himself and says his name.

He then points to everyone else and says, "Mommy, Daddy, Lucy-- Family."

Perfect indeed.

Check out Lori's blog at Weebles Wobblog for more Perfect Moments.

The Vote Is On

2010-03-05T16:50:00.001-05:00

Please help me regain my title as Limerick Chick 2010 hosted by Weebles Wobblog. Here is my winning limerick from last year, as a first time participant I might add. Remember that this blog is about my life as well as infertility and adoption.

I once was scared of the gyno
Now I'll drop my pants for a rhino
When bad times are worse
There's blogs like the mrsch
Or instead I can just be a whino

Click on over to Weebles Wobblog to vote for Parenthood for Me.
Here are my entries to keep the title for 2010. Both entires are available for voting.
'Cause I'm Irish:

I'm an Irish gal who drinks whisky
Sometimes I go home and get frisky.
When the good deed is done.
I'm Wishing 4 One.
Or at least eat some spam and some latke.

And cause I'm a mama:

Potty training is quite the event.
Every night I am totally spent.
There are days we’re so close.
Cleaning up poop is gross.
And, today he peed in the vent.

The winner gets to donate $20 to a charity of their choice.
I will be donating to Cara's wonderful non-profit, Share Southern Vermont.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support.

In My Dreams

2010-03-01T21:22:00.006-05:00

It seems odd that during the six years I have been in the market to reproduce, I have never dreamt that I was pregnant. Well, until last week.

It is amazing how our minds meld different images, thoughts, and experiences into a dream during sleep. Getting to the root of where this dream came from was interesting.

I remember walking into a store with a pregnant belly and catching a glimpse of myself in the window. I see myself smiling at the image of my cute profile and pretty maternity shirt. As soon as I felt the happiness wash over me I remembered that I was actually wearing a costume. I was dressed as a pregnant woman.

Instead of entering a store I ended up at a party. It was as if it suddenly occurred to me how ironic my "costume" was and how people at the party would think I was nuts or feel discomfort at my choice of an outfit. I mean, everyone knows I cannot get pregnant.

In the dream I anxiously and vehemently tried to hide my "pregnant" belly behind my pocket book and a table. I feared that my costume would be revealed and I would be mocked and laughed at or simply avoided because no one would understand why I chose to come "pregnant." I guess it never occurred to me that I could simply remove the costume. That would be too big, too drastic. Leaving the costume on meant that even though I wasn't showing myself off, I could still capture the moment of feeling a protruding belly. Even if it was only for a short time I was more pregnant than I ever had been before.

When I woke up, I did not really think too much about the dream except for the fact that it was weird. Most dreams are. As the hours passed, however the depth of the dream and what it meant to me grew more profound. This is my version of a pregnancy dream. Even in my dreams I cannot get pregnant.

I did not cry over the dream or let it ruin my weekend, but I definitely mulled over where in my brain this dream came from. Part of it is obvious. I think about pregnancy all the time. I read blogs and stories of infertility and pregnancy all the time. And all the time I wonder what my future holds. Will I ever create and carry a baby?

Maybe my inner psyche has given up but the conscious part of my brain is still in self preservation mode. I have often conveyed in this blog that my motherhood journey is still in effect. I have one beautiful child through adoption and I intend to have more. How? Who knows.

Throughout the past five years I never felt like I was less of a woman due to my inability to conceive. For some reason I was spared that piece of the giant and often unmanageable side effects of infertility. It was not until recently that my mind ventured towards thoughts of inadequacy and revisiting emotions of never fitting in with the vast number of women who can create and sustain life,feel their baby kick in the womb, give birth, and breastfeed. My body is not able to do what it was made to do. That is sad to me.

Sometimes I do feel awkward because I cannot get knocked up. I drank wine at my baby shower. I did not even have the option of trying to breast feed. I have no clue as to anything about newborns. Fact is that sometimes I embrace this uniqueness but most times it stabs at my heart. I wonder if my mother still feels sad that she will never see her baby pregnant.

Are dreams like art imitating life? If so then I should be dreaming about how much joy fills my life from being a mother to Min man. He has a light around him like no one I have ever met. I did not know it was possible for so many wonderful things to be bound up in a little boy. Every day I hold him with all my might, smell his skin, listen to his laugh, and silently reveal my gratitude for his existence. I would be lost with out him. Lost, sad, and muddling through this world wondering when my hopes and dreams would come true.

Limerick Chick 2010

2010-02-26T19:11:00.019-05:00

So, I need to re-gain my title as Limerick Chick 2010 hosted by Weebles Wobblog. Here is my winning limerick from last year, as a first time participant I might add. Remember that this blog is about my life as well as infertility and adoption.

I once was scared of the gyno
Now I'll drop my pants for a rhino
When bad times are worse
There's blogs like the mrsch
Or instead I can just be a whino

Here are my entries to keep the title for 2010.

'Cause I'm Irish:

I'm an Irish gal who drinks whisky
Sometimes I go home and get frisky.
When the good deed is done.
I'm Wishing 4 One.
Or at least eat some spam and some latke.

And cause I'm a mama:

Potty training is quite the event.
Every night I am totally spent.
There are days we’re so close.
Cleaning up poop is gross.
And, today he peed in the vent.

C'mon don't you love choices?
VOTE FOR ME. Look to the right to vote starting March 2.

The winner gets to donate $20 to a charity of their choice.
I will be donating to Cara's wonderful non-profit, Share Southern Vermont.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support.

Show and Tell Show Off

2010-02-24T17:16:00.015-05:00

For today's Show and Tell I would like to show off my

birthday presents and my Sock It To Me Socks.

The lovely Kym at I'm a Smart One hosts Sock It To Me and I was matched with Elana from Elana's Musings. I love my tri-colored socks. They are another reminder in my every day life of the wonderful ALI community. 2009 was my first year blogging as a part of the ALI community. I began this blog in October 2008 after starting the non-profit. Without the support of this community PFM would not be as successful as it is today. I have also met so many wonderful women that have truly contributed to my quality of life. I have received encouragement, validation and support.

I had a great 32nd birthday. Thank you to everyone who sent me wishes. Here are snapshots of my gifts. I love presents. I do not get to open my open presents or cards anymore because my little birthday crasher LOVES everything about birthday parties.

Chocolate colored U.ggs for the cold and very long Rochester winters.

A lovely shirt from my brother and SIL. I cannot wait for warm weather.

A card from my baby.

A cake stand from MommyL and Kebby. This one of a kind was handmade by taking a pretty plate and securing it to a candle holder.

A very cute bag from BIL and sister-in-law to be.

Oh yeah, and I received some cocktails when friends took me out on the town.

DH and I enjoying ourselves.

Hapy ICLW- February

2010-02-22T08:10:00.002-05:00

Welcome everyone. Thank you for visiting.

This Monday am I am watching Curious Geor.ge and sitting with my 2 year old as he attempts to eat oatmeal with raisins and not spill all over his pajamas.

This blog is an extension of the non-profit, Parenthood for Me. Our mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those building families through adoption or medical intervention.

Please see the list of favorite posts. And don't forget to leave a comment!

Also visit our website for more information on the non-profit

Parenthood for Me, Inc.

Laugh Lines, Uggs, and Another Year

2010-02-18T11:43:00.005-05:00

In one of favorite movies, P.S. I Love You the character, Danny played by the beloved Harry Connick, Jr. talks about how growing old is a privilege. I don't remember the exact conversation but it struck a chord with me. As a society we spend so much time worrying about getting older, preventing the wear and tear the years put our bodies through. What happened to celebrating our age? We should be grateful for every day we have on earth. Every year marks an accomplishment.

Don't get me wrong. I miss my "youth." I long for the days when I sat in la piazza while studying in Italia, drinking a beer at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. But, I am also overall a much happier person than I was back then. During high school and college I worked at an open-air bar on the river where I live. I worked with about 10 friends, and we had a blast every summer. Those were some of the best times of my life as a young person. Now there are different good times and things to make me smile.

For example, having my son sing happy birthday to me this morning. My heart swelled. Thing is, I still feel so young. I could dwell on the fact that I am creeping into "middle age." All these terms that we have for stages in our life. What does it mean, really?

Age is a frame of mind. I aim to focus on all that is good with maturing and living another day. There are so many people who don't get the chance to live a full life, passing away into their eighties and nineties. I think of those in my life who died way too young and those who face severe health issues. They would love to grow old and celebrate another year.

To mark my 32nd birthday I want to list 32 things that are special to me. I want to thank my family and friends for loving and supporting me (and that includes all my I-friends (Internet friends- p.s. article coming up about making lifelong friendships through the Internet).
Thanks to DH for my long-awaited U.ggs. I got them this morning bright and early because we got another 4 inches of snow! My toes are cozy.

Here we go. 32 things that make me happy, define who I am, goals, dreams- all that life is made up of:

1. photographs
2. driving
3. writing
4. my husband and son
5. my family
6. my friends
7. being an aunt
8. shoes
9. blogging
10. decorating
11. poetry
12. music
13. traveling
14. speaking different languages and learning about different cultures
15. Lu, my puppy dog
16. having my Pop's eyes
17. Having many traits of both my mom and dad
18. Working with my father
19. Having parents that have supported me every step of the way
20. being empathetic
21. my struggles
22. my triumphs
23. champagne
24. pasta
25. singing
26. the 1000 Islands
27. surprises
28. receiving letters and cards in the mail
29. my health
30. my values
31. strawberry pie
32. knowing how lucky I really am

Perfect Moment Monday- Trials of Potty Training

2010-02-15T19:35:00.002-05:00

Potty training. The ups. The downs. Sticker charts and treats. What an experience.
This past weekend we did not do much but ask Min man, "Do you have to go potty?"

3 minutes later.

"Do you have to go on the potty?"

"Lets sit on the potty. You'll get a sticker."

I went out and bought new underware and pull-ups. We were on a full potty training roll.

He did so well all weekend even doing #2 on the potty which everyone said would be the toughest part. Not for our little man. There were high fives, suckers, stickers, and quarters given out. He was so proud and rightly so. Quite a big accomplishment for a 2 year old.

Today I brought him to MommyL's in underware. This was a first because all weekend he was wearing underware but with no pants to make getting to the potty as easy as possible.
No accidents at MommyL's. Phew.

We come home, he wears a pull-up (I explain that it is not a diaper); nap time it is. However, sleep did not happen. He decided to pull apart his whole room, take off his pull-up and pee on the rug. When I walked in, he handed me a soaked tissue and said," Here, Mom. I clean the pee pee."

What can I say? We're only on day 3 of full force training. We go downstairs for a snack and the underware goes back on. All is well.

I go out to the store and DH texts that Min man peed in the heat vent.

Me- " I guess the honeymoon is over."

Him- "He's now wearing a diaper."

Nuff said.

I walk in from the store and I ask Min man what he did.

He boasts," I pee on the rug. I pee in the vent."

There ya have it. How can I not laugh?

Check out Lori's for more Perfect Moments.